Sausage Fest

March 14, 2017 Marsha Mellow Leave a comment

Willy arrived at the party with his friend Willy and his other friend Willy. He was happy to be invited, he and his friends didn’t get many invites (they were kinda nerds) but it soon became apparent that this party would be another sausage fest. The prospects looked pretty gloomy when he saw that everybody there was a ‘Willy’. At least there was plenty of beer. After a while he noticed the place getting really hot and humid. There might as well have been flames licking up between the gratings in the floor…and all the Willies were getting some awkward, nasty looking tan lines – just like his – and they were drinking gallons of ice-cold beer to compensate for…

That’s when he realized…it was all a scam. This…was a…..bar-be-que!

***Today, in the midst of the ‘Blizzard of 2017’, all I can think of is bar-be-que and beer. This is a new one from our “Body-Oddies” project, a craptastic journey through the rancid mind of my artist, John Allemand. So glad that’s over. We have enough material to do the book but now I guess we’re just spewing out material as a compulsion. -Marsha

Clowns, fragment

Liam the Clown

March 7, 2017 Marsha Mellow Leave a comment

There once was a clown named Liam, so small it was hard to see ‘im ’till I stomped him flat with a colorful splatt. Now, I wouldn’t want to be ‘im.

***We posted this one ’cause it was an easy one as we prepare our new book for publication. ‘Bludgeon the Clown’ will (hopefully) be out by May 1st and we’re working around the clock to finish it. This image is from our ‘Creepy Clown Coloring Book’…but we posted another version back on Jan. 12th 2016. I’m not a big fan of John’s work but I really like this one…it makes me hungry for seven layer nacho dip. -Marsha

Clowns

Suspected Clowns

February 28, 2017 Marsha Mellow Leave a comment

Skippy the Jester came with a grunt. Leopold came with a smile. Pat came juggling big squishy balls in a highly provocative style.

Montalban came in his polka dots. Willy came wearing a dress. Mimsy came bouncing and shaking in white but left an absolute mess.

Timothy came in a Santa suit. Bob came dressed as a cop, shoving his night stick in everyone’s face and no one could make him stop.

Bill the Mime came with Sissy the Clown. Do they come any weirder?…..Please! But when the guy with the camera came, they all came in close and said: “CHEESE!!”

***This post was originally published back in June last year…but I did a reuse because John read this poem, along with two others, at the art opening on Saturday (I was too nervous to do it). The show, ‘Art & Poetry HA HA!’ at The Rectangle Gallery was fantastic and very funny. It was a poetry reading followed by a reception for the visual art show – the kind of show that could change the mind of any poetry hater. All the art was great and we got to meet a few of the other artists. We really should do more of them. There are pictures posted up at www.therectanglestudio.com. -Marsha

Clowns

Art & Poetry HAHA!

February 21, 2017 Marsha Mellow Leave a comment

tepid-the-clown-37

Tepid the Clown had really bad gas. He made ’em strong, and made ’em to last. He could fly around town propelled by his ass, could leap a tall building with just one blast.

But ran out of luck with a wet squirty one and at ten thousand feet he was done and hit the street like a jelly-filled bun but, by golly! Wasn’t that fun?!!

***I may have posted this one last year but here is again…see, the darndest thing happened recently when the owners of The Rectangle Studio & Gallery invited us to be part of their inaugural ‘Art and Poetry HAHA!’ show. I figured they must be crazy people if they liked John’s horrible clown illustrations…but John will be reading a piece or two of My work too, so they obviously have good taste. The show is on Saturday, Feb. 25th at The Rectangle Studio & Gallery, 540A Freeman St., Orange, NJ 07050. Open mike is at 6:30p (RSVP only) and open house is from 7:30p to 10p with froo-froo wine and snacks. Find it online at http://www.therectanglestudio.com/. -Marsha

body-oddies, Flash Fiction, fragment

Foot In Mouth

February 14, 2017 Marsha Mellow Leave a comment

I woke up this morning feeling disheveled. I must have tossed and turned all night and tied myself into a knot, because when I woke up I fell out of bed…tied in a knot. I didn’t know I could do that…and survive. Worse than that, when I finally got myself untangled, I realized I had a foot where my hand used to be, my tongue was attached to an elbow and my hair had migrated down my back to my buttocks. One of my hands had switched places with my wiener and one was dangling from an armpit but for the life of me, I could not find my other foot. I wasn’t in any pain but the sight of it all made me want to scream…..except, when I opened my mouth…well, that’s when I discovered where my other foot had gone…

***This exact thing never actually happened to ME…but something resembling the ‘foot in mouth’ part definitely happened to the last loser who tried to pick me up in a bar, which…come to think of it, happened a few years ago on this same minor holiday celebrating the Marquis de Sade or something…..Valentine’s, whatever! We’re too busy finishing our new book (‘Bludgeon the Clown’) to worry about it right now. -Marsha

Clowns, Flash Fiction

Zebulon the Wizard

February 6, 2017 Marsha Mellow Leave a comment

Zebulon The Wizard

Piscataway, NJ. Zebulon the Wizard (formerly Joey the Clown) was about as common as clowns come…but with a knack for burgling. He was the best: clever, adaptable, insightful – qualities still highly regarded by the clown community. Once a petty thief, Joey changed his stars by stealing a magical Christian spell book from a secret Vatican warehouse. With the recipes in his new book, he was able to build a ‘time cauldron’ through which he could reach forward – or back – in time and steal more stuff…..better stuff.

Zebulon let me use his cauldron a few times to document some of the great historic clowns from the deep, dark, misty past. Its how we know so much about Saint George the Clown (from 299 A.D.) and Barge the Giant (circa 1330). Zeb got me a Tubakazoo for Christmas last year, its a popular folk instrument from the year 2232. It makes a (terrible) whining wheeze like the sound of a horse being strangled…while gently farting (I got him that red wizard costume).

***”Zebulon” is a page that just got cut from the latest draft of my new book ‘Bludgeon the Clown.’ I’ve trimmed it down from 186 pages to 100, so I can keep production costs low enough to sell it to real people. I hope to have it published and ready to bring to Comic Cons in the spring. John and I thought it would be harder to cut our own beloved writing and art out…..turns out there was a lot of crap and fluff and redundancy in the older drafts. The new book is better now and Zebulon will work better in a different project. The image was originally a commission for a 2 page spread for an issue of Analog Magazine. -Marsha

Clowns

Monster Truck

January 31, 2017 Marsha Mellow Leave a comment

Flippy the Clown drives a truck. What a big ugly mean stupid fuck!?! He tools around town running poor people down ’till his tires are pasted with muck.

***Oh damn!!! I had a scathing political piece to share this week about our new worst president, ever…but John didn’t have a decent image of a train wreck for me to use, so I had to settle for this. Never mind, this one is a page from my new “Creepy Clown Coloring Book.” You can find it (and buy it) on Etsy, just follow the link to our website above. Thanks. -Marsha

body-oddies, Flash Fiction, fragment

Splitting Headache

January 24, 2017 Marsha Mellow Leave a comment

Hey!… Do you remember that thing? You know…that THING?? Oh, you remember. We saw it the other day when we were doing the other thing…..what’s-is face was there. Oh, you know who I mean, the one from… oh gosh…from over yonder with the thing-ummy-thing on his who’s-is-what’s-it?…And we laughed and laughed about it the whole time? But he wasn’t so amused. He took the issue up with…oh, you know who, the one at the place…..um, the place right next door to the other MAIN place? And she went totally ballistic about everything, especially that one thing…..but not the thing I’m talking about. I meant the OTHER thing. Yeah! The thing with the thing-a-ma-jig…Yes!!! You know the thing! UGH!!! I seem to forget EVERY thing…but I definitely remember THAT!

***This conversation isn’t all that unusual. It happens more often than I’d care to admit. What amazes me is how often we completely understand each other whenever we do…..whoever it is. -Marsha

Clowns

Jiggy the Clown

January 17, 2017 Marsha Mellow 1 Comment

Jiggy the Clown was spotted one day tasting forbidden fruit, dancing around wearing nothing at all except for a business suit. They raided his place and chased him down ’till Jiggy was out of breath, then bound and twisted his guilt and shame and hanged poor Jiggy to death.

***Hooray! Its inauguration week. We’ll soon swear in the next worst president…ever. I don’t need to be cynical, its not as if this hasn’t been percolating now for decades. Anybody who takes an honest look at history will tell you (if you can stand to listen). The real question is: What are you going to do now? -Marsha

Clowns

Spatter The Clown

January 10, 2017 Marsha Mellow Leave a comment

Spatter the Clown was feeling glum. He’d had a really bad day. He lost his job. His car got towed. His wife turned out to be gay. He walked the streets a homeless drunk. “Nobody loves me!” he said. So he stuck a handgun into his ear and blew out the side of his head. That’s when he had a funny thought…..

***This is an image from my newest book, ‘Marsha Mellow’s Creepy Clown Coloring Book’ and a poem from ‘Bludgeon the Clown’ which I am currently preparing for publication in the spring. I’ve often said that this is not a political blog…and this time I really mean it. There is no connection to the recent election of our latest worst president and the state of mind of the electorate…not political. -Marsha