Category Archives: Greeting Card

Happy Valentines

I’m so very happy.  I know you are too.                                                     (Please don’t look at my dick.)                                                                                          I painted this face on my belly for you.                                                                (I said, don’t look at my dick.)                                                                                           I hope you will like it.  I very much do.                                                         (What is it with you and my dick?)                                                                                  I love you so much, I really love you.                                                        (Really?  Again?  Are you sick?)

***Best Valentines Day card ever…appropriate for every romantic condition.  Find all our greeting cards at our Etsy store (EEWbooks) or follow the links from   -Marsha

My Robot Valentine

Jonny Bot 5 got horny and hot                                                                                 for a high fashion mannequin girl (who did NOT!).                              Classy and fine, Jonny loved her a lot,                                                              she turned up her nose…a high minded snot.                                                  He brought wild flow’rs by the bunch, by the pot,                                   tried candy, tried gems, read poems – what ROT!                                      But kindness in turn Jonny 5 never got,                                                           not an ounce, not a peck, not even a jot.                                                       Tried…..and tried ’till his brains were quite shot                                        until finally…Jonny went cold……and forgot.

***It’s only 2 weeks until the dreaded Valentines Day.  Here is the perfect greeting card for yet another disgusting commercialized holiday travesty.  Find all our cards on Etsy (EEWbooks), or follow the links to   -Marsha   

Merry Christmas

Twas quarter past Christmas.  We sat in despair.                                    The eviction notice was posted with care.                                                   No money for food, no money for rent,                                                       what little we saved for presents was spent.                                            Our jobs were in China, our taxes were due                                               and the kids would be up in an hour or two…

When what to my wondering eyes should appear                                  but a Holiday Clown with a menacing sneer.                                                He carried a hammer, already slick,                                                                with the juice of that jolly elitist, Saint Nick.                                             And he gave us a satchel of presents and cash                                        that was meant for a gaggle of rich little brats.                                        And he said with a laugh as he strode out of sight,                         “Merry Christmas to ALL…..and to all a good night!”

***This is the third in a set of 3 new snarky Christmas cards we posted at our EEWbooks Etsy store.  We usually sell these for $4.99 each, at the book fests and comic cons, but you can get the set 3 for $12.00.  Use the link above to our site and hit the Etsy link.  Buy lots of them for…..stuff.  Thanks.   -Marsha

Seasons Greetings

Clowns for Christmas?                                                                                      Fingers with Faces?                                                                                          Expecting reindeer and elves?                                                                          Think that’s weird,                                                                                                           go find a mirror                                                                                                              and take a good look                                                                                                       at yourselves!

***This is the second in a set of 3 snarky Christmas cards we’re posting up for sale at our Etsy store, EEWbooks.  We usually sell them for $4.99 each at the book fests and comic cons, but you can get the set of 3 for $12.00.  Follow the link to our site and click on the Etsy link (simple!).  Buy them they’re fantastic.  Thanks.   -Marsha

Happy Holidays

Lester the Jester threw up his supper,                                                   emerging instead as a fool named Skupper                                                  who gagged on his guts as they spilled from his gob                                      expelling another named Bob,                                                                             who horked up a loogie of phlegm and bile,                                                        appearing at last as a Jester named Lyle                                                               who stuck out his tongue and said with a leer                                             “Happy Christmas to all and a Merry New Year.”

***This is the first in a set of 3 new snarky Christmas cards we’re posting up on our Etsy store for sale.  We sell them at the book festivals and conventions for $4.99 each, but you can get the set of 3 for $12.00 at EEWbooks on Etsy (follow the link above to the Etsy link – easy!).  Thanks.   -Marsha