I’m so very happy. I know you are too. (Please don’t look at my dick.) I painted this face on my belly for you. (I said, don’t look at my dick.) I hope you will like it. I very much do. (What is it with you and my dick?) I love you so much, I really love you. (Really? Again? Are you sick?)
***Best Valentines Day card ever…appropriate for every romantic condition. Find all our greeting cards at our Etsy store (EEWbooks) or follow the links from www.sallemander.com. -Marsha
Jonny Bot 5 got horny and hot for a high fashion mannequin girl (who did NOT!). Classy and fine, Jonny loved her a lot, she turned up her nose…a high minded snot. He brought wild flow’rs by the bunch, by the pot, tried candy, tried gems, read poems – what ROT! But kindness in turn Jonny 5 never got, not an ounce, not a peck, not even a jot. Tried…..and tried ’till his brains were quite shot until finally…Jonny went cold……and forgot.
***It’s only 2 weeks until the dreaded Valentines Day. Here is the perfect greeting card for yet another disgusting commercialized holiday travesty. Find all our cards on Etsy (EEWbooks), or follow the links to www.sallemander.com. -Marsha
Twas quarter past Christmas. We sat in despair. The eviction notice was posted with care. No money for food, no money for rent, what little we saved for presents was spent. Our jobs were in China, our taxes were due and the kids would be up in an hour or two…
When what to my wondering eyes should appear but a Holiday Clown with a menacing sneer. He carried a hammer, already slick, with the juice of that jolly elitist, Saint Nick. And he gave us a satchel of presents and cash that was meant for a gaggle of rich little brats. And he said with a laugh as he strode out of sight, “Merry Christmas to ALL…..and to all a good night!”
***This is the third in a set of 3 new snarky Christmas cards we posted at our EEWbooks Etsy store. We usually sell these for $4.99 each, at the book fests and comic cons, but you can get the set 3 for $12.00. Use the www.sallemander.com link above to our site and hit the Etsy link. Buy lots of them for…..stuff. Thanks. -Marsha
Clowns for Christmas? Fingers with Faces? Expecting reindeer and elves? Think that’s weird, go find a mirror and take a good look at yourselves!
***This is the second in a set of 3 snarky Christmas cards we’re posting up for sale at our Etsy store, EEWbooks. We usually sell them for $4.99 each at the book fests and comic cons, but you can get the set of 3 for $12.00. Follow the link to our site www.sallemander.com and click on the Etsy link (simple!). Buy them they’re fantastic. Thanks. -Marsha
Lester the Jester threw up his supper, emerging instead as a fool named Skupper who gagged on his guts as they spilled from his gob expelling another named Bob, who horked up a loogie of phlegm and bile, appearing at last as a Jester named Lyle who stuck out his tongue and said with a leer “Happy Christmas to all and a Merry New Year.”
***This is the first in a set of 3 new snarky Christmas cards we’re posting up on our Etsy store for sale. We sell them at the book festivals and conventions for $4.99 each, but you can get the set of 3 for $12.00 at EEWbooks on Etsy (follow the www.sallemander.com link above to the Etsy link – easy!). Thanks. -Marsha