About Me…

Bio of Marsha Mellow by Marsha Mellow

I knew I wanted to be a famous writer from the time I was a little girl (my high school cheerleading career was never going to pan out).  Originally I thought I’d write books but growing up in a conservative, gated community in Texas left me with NO creative ideas, so I chose corporate journalism.  My daddy (I think he was an Exxon climatologist) made sure I got the finest education money could buy, although he seemed disappointed when I finished with a degree instead of a husband.

My meteoric rise in journalism began as an unpaid intern at my hometown weekly, The Village Gossip, writing garden party reviews (very high brow stuff).  From there I went to The Star Tribune where I won the ‘perkiest obituary award’ 6 years running.  But I really hit it big at Newscorp, typing bottom-scroll news alerts on live cable T.V.  I was a perfect fit at FOX…but that ended abruptly when my boss’s wife objected to our afternoon “production meetings” at the Parkway Motel.  Oh well, who cares about a silly bunch of torture, illegal wars and drone terrorism anyway?  I spent the next seven years as a copy writer for the pharmaceutical industry, doing side-effects disclaimers for all the new drugs.  My favorite was “…may cause anal discharge from the naval.”  Ooooh, but those were good times…doing god’s work…with endless free samples…

When a bizarre set of stories about Clowns piqued my curiosity, I saw a golden opportunity to do some REAL, Fox level, journalism and exploit the hell out of them.  Clowns were an already marginalized population of simpletons…easy money.  Of course, having to associating with ‘those’ freakish people was a little out of my comfort zone…and I ran into technical problems which forced me to partner with an ‘artist’ (the only creatures I loathe more than Clowns, Ugh!) but this was an important story and I expected it to bring me the fame and fortune I deserved.  Ultimately, Clown stories don’t measure up to celebrity sex scandals and outed congressmen in the mainstream news, so my work never went to press.  A BOOK of Clowns, however, seemed a perfect consolation….and put me right back on track to fulfill my earliest childhood dreams.

Coming soon, “Marsha Mellow’s Blue-ish Freaks.”
Bio of John Allemand by Marsha Mellow

A lot of people like John’s art…but he’s really not the sort that ‘respectable’ people should get to know.  He’s been known to associate with circus people (Clowns!), has arguments with random body parts (spleens!) and has an ugly prejudice against sentient technology (robots!).  He’s certainly not the type you’d “want to have a beer with” like George W. Bush.

In utero, John had a conjoined twin brother attached at the buttocks but by the time he was born, his twin had been completely absorbed..…except for its tiny, powerful brain.  Being the dullard of the two, John naturally deferred all of his higher thinking to his (lower) smarter brain.  I often say that most of his best ideas come straight out of his ass.

He was born in East Orange NJ, the youngest of 16 and despite a typical American public school education, he came away with a deep appreciation for diverse cultures and ideas – a freakish critical thinker…very disappointing.  A few years later, however, he learned to suppress his personal integrity and craftsmanship as it made him a pariah among his peers and a liability to his clients.  Lowering himself into the sleaze of corporate advertizing, he convinced himself it was all worth it ‘for the sake of the kids’ (which it wasn’t).

John had a spectacular 30 year career in film & animation doing amazing work on some of the worst T.V. shows and dangerous commercials ever made.  He was a master of selling useless crap to gullible people.  When the corporate art industry collapsed under austerity, he retired to follow his passions.

In Costa Rica he became a Free-Range Guacamole Rancher but something in the water caused a partial rebirth of his twin brother through his scrotum.  In Kalamazoo his ‘Shits and Giggles’ Gourmet Taco Truck was a raging success until he sold it to a fellow with one leg named Willy when local Taco Mobsters made threats on his yet unnamed legs.  In Weehawken, he became a live organ collector for Morty’s Door-to-Door Coffin Emporium…but was fired for sampling the merchandise.  He caught the itch for art again in Flushing, as a happy-face painter at Herbies Corpus’ Human Taxidermy.  He left to become a urinal cake decorator for Jakes Kakes in Coxsackie, New York (still giggles when he hears “Coxsackie”).

When I finally tracked him down (milking bulls at the County Fair in Sheboygan) I offered him a job (and a hot shower) on the spot.  Despite my personal dislike for his kind, real artists are hard to find now-a-days and he was my best and only hope for illustrating my extraordinary projects.  It took some maneuvering but once I got him to sign my (clever) contract we set off, that very night, across America for a one month research road-trip…..and didn’t return for 10 years.  What we discovered and documented in our search for Clowns, Freaks and Oddies is quite amazing…..but to learn more, you’ll have to buy my books.

These days, John spends his time illustrating for me, desperately searching for a way out of our contract (ha ha ha!).  He often dreams of becoming a spotted pink rhinoceros while his sharper twin brother plots to take over the world.

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