***We made a bunch of special Black and white prints for some customers at the comic cons this year…they turned out so well we sold-out of a few of them. This is one of John’s favorites. We posted other versions of it – with flash-fiction stories and poetry – previously, but this time it’s just the image…and it is enough. -Marsha
Category Archives: Freaks
“Body-Oddies” is an art book of body idioms. A tongue-in-cheek interpretation of commonly used body expressions taken waaay out of context. Designed to inspire outside-the-box thinking, it will make you feel clever while you laugh out loud. It is 100 pages with over 100 illustrations, 9×12 inches in size with stiff, perfect bound cover. Price: $30.00
Find it in our Etsy shop. Go to Etsy.com and search EEWbooks or Body-Oddies.
MANAYUNK (a haiku)
Rancid wad of phlegm,
dribbling down a slick rock face.
Let’s name our town that!
Darryl woke up with that feeling again – impossible to describe but all too familiar at this point. He kept his eyes closed for a while longer, savoring the dream he was having about his old, normal life…before all the changes…before every morning became a horror show, wondering if he would find another growth.
He did his best to soothe his anxiety, tried to make lemonade out of the lemons that seemed to be smothering him. After all, how could yet another, extra hand possibly be all that bad for a skilled craftsman who worked with his hands? Each one seemed to have all his talent and strength. His productivity tripled, he was making money hand-over-fist (no pun intended) and for the first time in his life, people found him kinda interesting…..
But…waking up every few days with another fully formed hand growing out of some empty patch of his flesh was really starting to effect his sanity.
***This was a tough image to pull out of John’s thick head but with an iron skillet and a power drill I finally managed it (long story) and it lead to a new book project called “Body-Oddies” which is finally done and off to the printer. -Marsha
“Constant gravy!!…or did he say constant craving!?” but everyone was already writing and the professor’s response was garbled…sure, okay, constant gravy seemed right. I was feeling pretty woozy since I cut myself shaving earlier and couldn’t make it stop bleeding. It just gushed, thick and goopy…yeah, constant gravy…coool!
What began as a simple nick under my nose, got worse a few minutes later when blood started running down my cheek. An hour later, it was dripping copiously. In two hours it was a steady flow and by lunchtime I was squirting all over the place, soaking my clothes, the furniture and painting the walls. It was impossible to concentrate as the room kept spinning faster and faster…..
I must have spaced out for a while because when I woke, the stuff leaking out was no longer red. Thankfully it was just cheese wizz leaking from the push nozzle on my head. What?!…don’t you have a nozzle?…and what’s so weird about that? Best of all, the harder I pumped the thicker it flowed…aaaaah, pretty…..
I must have spaced out for a while…..what was I saying?…
***This really happened. Its lucky that John got a good sketch of this guy at the writing workshop before things went sideways. This post is a shortened version of the story…but we didn’t want to give away all the best parts before we publish it in our BODY-ODDIES book. -Marsha
We never spoke about Uncle Dixon. Our whole family tip-toed around the subject…but I could tell there were powerful feelings just under everybody’s skin. He was a horrible pariah. The black sheep of the family.
We kept him in a straitjacket in one of the padded cells in the catacombs below our cabin. He was never allowed out in the light of day (lest one of the neighbors spot him), only after midnight on stormy nights and always chained, gagged, and bound in one of those psycho metal hockey mask get-ups. He got wheeled around in a steel cage on a hand truck under constant, heavily armed guard.
Worst of all…he was never allowed to go wilding with the rest of the family, never allowed to invade homes, to rape and burn and shoot folks in the face with shotguns or dismember them with his best machete before skinning and roasting them on the barbeque for the family feast…how sad and dull.
I felt bad for him. What possible meaning could his life have? I always wondered what awful thing he could have done to deserve such punishment, until I overheard Pappa Ripper telling old cousin Head-Stomper that Dixon was a pacifist, an atheist and a…vegetarian (whatever that was) and worst of all, he had NEVER murdered a baby in his whole life… actually refused to do it!! Eeeeew! What a Freak!
***This image and short story can be found on p.68 of our latest book, “A Short Burst” a collection of flash science fiction. It is 100 pages, 9×9 inches in size and packed with 64 illustrations and 73 short, intense stories. You can find it (and buy it) on Amazon, but it is cheaper and easier if you go to etsy.com and search EEWbooks, or just use the link in my website, above. You’ll also find all my other merch: stickers, postcards and greeting cards, as well as our other 3 illustrated books. -Marsha
My sister said I had smelly toes.
What did she mean by that?
Did SHE smell them…or did THEY have a nose?
Oh never mind, she’s a brat!
***This image was close, but not quite the version we’re using in the “Body-Oddies” book. And so far, we’re not using any of the written shorts and rhymes. It’s okay, people don’t read much any more anyway. We’re still waiting for a release date from the publisher…we’ll keep you posted. -Marsha
Ralphy lost track of his ass and his head
one day, without even knowing.
But found ‘em again, only switched instead,
so now he’s both coming and going.
***Another one that isn’t the version we used in the “Body-Oddies” book. Not sure if we’re using the rhyme either, so ENJOY!!! -Marsha
Feeling Better Now
Chili is good ’cause it holds no surprises,
on this we can all depend;
That it looks and feels the same going in
as it does coming out in the end.
***February 31st is my 114th birthday!!!…so naturally I feel compelled to show you my balls.