Santa Claws really likes children. He loves when they sit on his lap. He always invites his favorite to lunch with a snip and a snickety snap! He loves them with soup, loves them with rice and sautéed with wine is fun. He loves them roasted in gravy and yams or with mustard and cheese on a bun.
***I stole the poem from an older post to use here. The image of Baby Food will be in our next illustrated book, “Body-Oddies” (which should be ready for Christmas. We’re still experimenting with ‘Food Art’. It’s week 3 and the results are mediocre. People on social media are still more impressed with John’s loopy food photos than his art. I asked him about it yesterday to see how he felt…he shrugged as if he’d already forgotten about it and said, “It’s Facebook, who cares any way?!” Meanwhile, buy our amazing illustrated books. Find them at www.etsy.com and search: EEWbooks. -Marsha
When I was a kid, my mother offered to make me ‘Finger Sandwiches’ for lunch. She was (batty) always saying weird stuff like that, but this time was different. She was serious, and actually started preparing them in the kitchen while I was still trying to wrap my head around the idea. Who the heck EATS that kind of thing? Who’s fingers were they?…and why would anybody put them on a sandwich? What!! Did we run out of salami and peanut butter? But, when she finally got me to try one, I have to admit, I was pretty disappointed. It tasted like plain old sour cream and cucumber with chives and mayonnaise. No meat? No bones? No finger nails? What the HECK!?! It wasn’t until I was well into puberty that I realized that different parts of the body had different cravings and appetites. Still, I could never understand the appeal of ‘Baby Food’ or ‘Arm Candy,’ and the only thing ‘Food for Thought’ ever seemed to produce was an overabundance of ‘Head Cheese,’ which is nauseating to think about in any context. Do you really want a ‘Hand Shake?’…are you SICK??? When I finally met these guys (above), on their lunch break, a few years ago, I suddenly understood it all. I felt like everything in the universe had fallen right into place and it now made perfect sense…sorta.
***I’m messing about, here, with a rough draft for the opening/intro of our new book, “Body-Oddies.” It’s also the second post in our ‘Food Art’ series, to see if people can be enticed into liking SKETCHES of weird food as much as they like photos of the weird food that John (the illustrator) actually makes. So far it’s not going so well. People still seem to prefer real food images. A version of this image, “Finger Sandwiches,” will definitely be in the book. Meanwhile, you can find and buy all our illustrated books and merch at www.etsy.com (search: EEWbooks). -Marsha
Here’s another “Body-Oddies” sketch that won’t make it into the new book. There’s no room for it even if it was a strong enough idea and there’s no flash-fiction blurb or rhymed ditty to go with it anyway. But…since my goofy/fancy food photo posts get more attention on social media than my art, and the only reason to BE on social media is to promote my art and books, I figured I’d see how some goofy ‘food art’ does. Meanwhile, you can find and buy my first four illustrated books by following the links above or go to www.etsy.com and search: EEWbooks. -Marsha
Hans discovered that he could speak with a bear who turned up in his flat last week, as once he got past his initial dread, he understood all that he said. They hit it right off, like lickety-split, just laughing and joking and shootin’ the shit… ’till the bear got hungry and ate his head and now poor Hans is dead.
“Oh man…not again.” said Francis under his breath, as Martin, his room-mate, stood over him, drooling.
His attack was so swift that Francis barely had time to flinch before being stuffed forcibly into Martin’s toothy maw and swallowed whole.
Francis knew he had a little time to think before the digestive process of Martin, who was a fully grown polar bear, kicked into gear, pushed him along it’s hour-long journey, and shat him out again. And really, what had begun as a quiet time for meditation was slowly turning sour as he wondered, more and more, if this little trip was really worth it.
He acknowledged that this WAS in his rental agreement, but seriously! When would Martin develop some self control with his munchies and go make himself a peanut butter sandwich or something? Everybody knew how bad the housing market was, and it was only getting worse, but this ‘fantastic journey’ through the body of a giant circus performer, twice a week, was really not worth affordable rent. He’d had some horrible roommate’s before, but this one was starting to take the cake…uh oh…here we go….. “Yeaaahhhhgh!!!” PFLOOP! “Oooooh, yuck!
***A version of this illustration was originally commissioned in B/W for a story in Analog Magazine back in 2008. It was slated to be republished in ourBludgeon the Clown book with the poem about Hans, but the publisher cut it…it was perfectly good, but not for THAT project. Now, along with a new short flash-fiction story (inspired by the art), it has been published in our new book, A Short Burst. You can find ALL our books at our Etsy shop by going to www.etsy.com and searching EEWbooks. -Marsha