When Mike rented his new place he’d never even tried a hot tub before. It wasn’t the feature that attracted him to the building. It was the two extra bedrooms – that would allow his grown kids to visit on holidays and between college semesters – that he liked most. Six months went by before he even tried it out, but when he did….it was gooood! In fact it felt wonderful…so relaxing, it took all his cares away.
He came back to it again and again and started making time, once a week, to soak in its warm embracing waters, gently massaging jets and steamy, soothing solace. Soon he found himself hopping in every day – even twice a day. A quick soak before the morning commute or a nice long one after the stress of a long day’s work became an absolute necessity. He felt an affinity for it bordering on affection. He lost himself in the comfort and imagined himself in the warm embrace of the womb.
“Mmmmmmm!” he said…..wait…did he just say that? Strange, his voice seemed unusually low today, must be the bathroom acoustics …yeah! He relaxed again and submitted, to the moist tongues of ecstasy lapping his exhausted body….. “OOOOOOH, SCRUMMMPTIOUS!” he said in a deep, slow baritone.
Mike’s eyes bugged out as he leapt from the tub, twisting and convulsing like a housewife covered in spiders. Aghast, he screamed, “What the…I didn’t say that!?!” “OOOOH….DON’T GO MY LITTLE LOLLIPOP…..COME BAAACK.” said the booming voice from the tub. “Huh?” was all he could manage, shaking and dripping on the tiles, “AAAAAAAW,” boomed his tub, “MY SAUSSSSAGE DUMMMPLING, MY SPICY LITTLE MEATBALLL…..COME BACK TO MEEEEEE…I COULD JUST EEEEEAT YOU UP!!!”
***The image above is “AGHAST” recently published in our newest book “Bludgeon the Clown.” Before that, it was loaned out as the cover to a book of flash-fiction entitled “Aghast” by Joe Del Priore (a VERY funny book and well worth reading). But it was originally commissioned by Analog Magazine for their Jan/Feb 2007 issue. This post was our 3rd post ever, from Oct., 2015. Follow the www.sallemander.com links above to find all of my books. -Marsha