It was June and sunny. The first sunny day he’d seen in months. Standing atop a 60 foot snow drift, Santa surveyed the landscape of Death Valley, Nevada. This was no way to spend his vacation. Where were the buzzards and the fire ants? Where were the salt flats and sand dunes? This place looked too much like home this year…how awful!
Well, what did he expect? This is where things like consumerism, waste, greed and stupidity get you – and he had to admit, he played his part. Ever since they hired him to sell capitalism to the huddled masses, back in the 30’s and 40’s…..a snowpocalypse was inevitable. Mother Nature swings like a sassy pendulum, knocking the idiots aside with the good ones. Maybe the random survivors will come through smarter and better this time…but he doubted it. Oh well, he still had to find sunscreen for Mrs. Clause or she’d have his head.
He got back into his sleigh and flew off in search of a frozen supermarket, hoping the looters left some Twinkies…or some milk duds…
THE SANTA (an excerpt from ‘Bludgeon the Clown’) Possibly the best known clown of all and the greatest Christian icon in history. Santa is the hardest fellow to meet. When I flew to the North Pole for an interview I found nothing there but a giant peppermint flavored pole…and simply planning to intercept his holiday flight got me a visit from Homeland Security (again). Frankly, I couldn’t confirm he existed at all (I was crushed). Yet somehow, he still manages to deliver the most fabulous gifts, each year, to the most affluent (undeserving) children in the world…..maybe its just as well I didn’t find this clown. -Marsha
There once was a clown named Fritz with a festering face full of zits. They filled up with goo ’till they finally blew in a gush of putrefied bits.
