Chicken Fingers
Fingers are fingers
and thumbs are fingers,
but not every finger’s a thumb.
The same thing goes for chickens, they say
(but the ones who say it are dumb!).
***John loves this poem…..now you know why the publisher cut all the poetry from the new book, BODY-ODDIES. People hate that crap. The image, however, is one of MY favorites. Buy the book! Find it at www.sallemander.com or go directly to Etsy and search EEWbooks. -Marsha
Sticky Fingers
Sid was covered in candy tattoos,
they said he was mean and vicious,
but after he died…and hardened up,
He tasted sweet and delicious.
***There’s no rhymed ditty for Arm Candy. The publisher would have cut it from the new book, BODY-ODDIES, anyway, just like Sticky Fingers was. But don’t get me wrong, it was the right move. The publisher made a fantastic book, and as it is, John is the only freak who still likes poetry any more, anyway. Get the book. Go to www.sallemander.com or go directly to Etsy and search EEWbooks. -Marsha
Snake Eyes
I might have been slightly distracted.
Anyone could make a mistake.
How could I miss a thing like that?!
I just didn’t notice the snake.
How did this happen? How could this be?
Was she born like that? Can she see?
I don’t know man. I’m pretty freaked out.
How much more can I take?
***This image appears in the new book, “BODY-ODDIES,” in it’s original blue hue. We did this B/W version as a special order print for a comic con customer. We’re not sure which one we like better! The rhyme was written for the book…but was cut by the publisher because they hate poetry (like most people). You can find BODY-ODDIES, as well as all our other books, at www.sallemander.com or go directly to Etsy and search EEWbooks. -Marsha
***The new book, BODY-ODDIES, best served with mustard. Find it, along with all our books, at www.sallemander.com or go directly to Etsy and search EEWbooks.
***This is a B/W version of the inside cover art for the new book, “BODY-ODDIES” which just came out. The original art is done in green and looks perfectly cool…but a dude at a recent comic-con asked for a B/W print of it and when I made it, I realized how cool some of the other illustrations would work in B/W too. So I made a set of 10 images to try out at the next few shows. You can find BODY-ODDIES and all my other books at www.sallemander.com or go directly to Etsy and search EEWbooks. -Marsha
“Body-Oddies” is an art book of body idioms. A tongue-in-cheek interpretation of commonly used body expressions taken waaay out of context. Designed to inspire outside-the-box thinking, it will make you feel clever while you laugh out loud. It is 100 pages with over 100 illustrations, 9×12 inches in size with stiff, perfect bound cover. Price: $30.00
Find it in our Etsy shop. Go to Etsy.com and search EEWbooks or Body-Oddies.
Darryl woke up with that feeling again – impossible to describe but all too familiar at this point. He kept his eyes closed for a while longer, savoring the dream he was having about his old, normal life…before all the changes…before every morning became a horror show, wondering if he would find another growth.
He did his best to soothe his anxiety, tried to make lemonade out of the lemons that seemed to be smothering him. After all, how could yet another, extra hand possibly be all that bad for a skilled craftsman who worked with his hands? Each one seemed to have all his talent and strength. His productivity tripled, he was making money hand-over-fist (no pun intended) and for the first time in his life, people found him kinda interesting…..
But…waking up every few days with another fully formed hand growing out of some empty patch of his flesh was really starting to effect his sanity.
***This was a tough image to pull out of John’s thick head but with an iron skillet and a power drill I finally managed it (long story) and it lead to a new book project called “Body-Oddies” which is finally done and off to the printer. -Marsha
“Constant gravy!!…or did he say constant craving!?” but everyone was already writing and the professor’s response was garbled…sure, okay, constant gravy seemed right. I was feeling pretty woozy since I cut myself shaving earlier and couldn’t make it stop bleeding. It just gushed, thick and goopy…yeah, constant gravy…coool!
What began as a simple nick under my nose, got worse a few minutes later when blood started running down my cheek. An hour later, it was dripping copiously. In two hours it was a steady flow and by lunchtime I was squirting all over the place, soaking my clothes, the furniture and painting the walls. It was impossible to concentrate as the room kept spinning faster and faster…..
I must have spaced out for a while because when I woke, the stuff leaking out was no longer red. Thankfully it was just cheese wizz leaking from the push nozzle on my head. What?!…don’t you have a nozzle?…and what’s so weird about that? Best of all, the harder I pumped the thicker it flowed…aaaaah, pretty…..
I must have spaced out for a while…..what was I saying?…
***This really happened. Its lucky that John got a good sketch of this guy at the writing workshop before things went sideways. This post is a shortened version of the story…but we didn’t want to give away all the best parts before we publish it in our BODY-ODDIES book. -Marsha
Business was going downhill fast
for a middle-aged clown named Skipper.
Until he applied at the local church,
who gave him a job as a stripper.
Now he has work almost every night,
’till well past three or four.
The fellas are sweet and tip really well,
but his ass is constantly sore.
NOTE: WordPress has found a way to prohibit me and other poets from posting my 8 line poem in the format I’ve used here for the last six-plus years. It will only post as a paragraph. They probably removed the feature so they can monetize it…’cause poets are sooooo rich. Well, FUCK you WordPress! Fuck your WordPress algorithm too! I hope you both die in a fiery fuckin’ plane crash! I’m tired of greedy incompetent fuckwads fuckin’ up basic shit.
***Tuesday is John’s 114th happy birthday! Write him a fuckin’ Happy Birthday message!!! But whatever you do, don’t tell facebook that February 9th is NOT his real birthday. It’s actually Feb. 31st…there’s just a problem with their stupid algorithm! (It has no sense of humor), but that’s what you get when you’re ruled by robots. We’re all doomed…have a nice day. -Marsha
***”Escape” is another tiny swatch from a page in our first book, “Marsha Mellow’s Blue-ish Freaks.” No silly story or poetry, we’re too busy getting our next book finished to post that shit…BUT, you can check out all our amazing books and stuff at etsy.com (search EEWbooks), or follow the links. -Marsha