They called it ‘Body Piercing.’ It was very rare, very risky…for both the acrobat and the victim. Frisbee the Bouncer contemplated the origins of the maneuver he had just failed to properly execute. Willy the Clown (the victim) was finally settling down a bit, allowing Frisbee some time to think: you see, audiences had gotten bored with traditional tumbling and acrobatics, even parkour had lost it’s charm…free-runners traversing buildings, flipping and spinning across rooftops and bridge rafters, bouncing about from car to car in midtown traffic…I mean, it’s not as if everybody could do it nowadays, but people got bored seeing it all the time.
New ideas evolved to shock and awe the masses, each more extreme, risky…deadly. The ‘Tongue In Cheek’ was already banned in 17 states, the ‘Cockeyed Cock’ was responsible for 3 temporary deaths, 12 online divorces and 41 spontaneous abortions (in Tennessee alone)…then came ‘Body Piercing.’ It was like a grizzly car crash on the turnpike that you can’t help staring at. Frisbee recalled that the most difficult part was the need to make an entrance (not what you’re thinking). How does an acrobat bounce right through the center of an unsuspecting victim’s body (without using an existing entrance – or exit)? Well, Frisbee was quite certain he had it all figured out…but…..well, look at the picture!
Willy the Clown went quickly from surprise to horror, screaming bloody murder for 30 minutes straight…now he was just pissed off at Frisbee, who simply mumbled, “That should have worked!…Why didn’t that work?” over and over and over.
Somebody call an ambulance…!?!
***I wrote this piece last week, sitting out in my new back yard, atop the loveliest snowdrift in the midnight sun, watching flying reindeer dogfighting overhead. I’m so happy in my new house at the North Pole. The image is one from my “Creepy Clowns Coloring Book,” which you can find for sale by following the links to my website. -Marsha
The Common Clown
Common clowns are often disregarded as low bred buffoons. They are, in fact a surprisingly talented, hard working lot, although, for much of what they do, it hardly matters whether they’re ‘real clowns’ or not…and most people can’t tell. Many have families and live in homes like regular folks. Despite being the most steady and conservative of the species, they take the brunt of people’s fear and hatred and bigotry – as they are also the most recognized as clowns. I encountered some heavy drinkers, rabble-rousers, dysfunctional lovers and one or two creepy invitations to get into a van for some free ice cream…but most were essentially harmless.
***This is the 4th of 4 in the series which originally had 6, but the other two were nixed from “Bludgeon the Clown” and repurposed earlier. The intro to the book simply took a different (better) direction as we hammered and honed it into shape. Now John is stuck in the new offices of EEW Books, finalizing the page layouts piece by piece. This book is gonna be a dooozy when it’s done. -Marsha
The jester of today doesn’t (often) look this way anymore. The ‘jester’ best represents the incredible influence clown culture has had on human art, music, literature, (engineering) and especially fashion. Jesters are considered dangerous and subversive for inspiring creativity, craftsmanship and integrity. While they often blend in with intellectuals, they are easily exploited by the corporate aristocracy. Jesters have integrated with humankind more effectively than any other species of clown, though, many have no idea of their unique heritage.
This poor, pathetic fellow has fallen completely out of favor with the public since the death of the American dream. The hobo, once a celebrated icon of pop culture, is now despised by people taking heavy losses in the corporate class war and the ever widening income gap. Too many people, who have fallen short of their parent’s success and have no hope for their own children, already resemble hobos…and don’t think they’re funny any more. These days it is illegal for them to appear in public in many American cities.
***Yes, this is the next in a series of pages that were eliminated from the ‘Introduction’ my new book, “Bludgeon the Clown,” by the publisher. It was a perfectly good illustration and blurb, but its point and purpose in the book was better illustrated with better material…I can hardly wait to show you. Meanwhile, I can only share the juicy rejects… Next week: The Jester. -Marsha
I tried to interview several of these snooty ‘French’ creatures before the government started rounding them up with the ‘Muslims.’ I could neither distract, nor get a peep out of one, they ignored every question with expressionless contempt. When I finally stormed off in righteous indignation, I tripped on an invisible rope and chipped a tooth on the edge of an invisible box…while their silent laughter danced up and down my spine. There aren’t too many mimes around any more (’cause they’re A-holes) but John likes them.
***This one is part of a whole section of work nixed from my “Bludgeon the Clown” book by the editors at EEW Books. It saddens me but still makes a good blog post. -Marsha