Tag Archives: sci-fi

First Contact

September 19, 2017 john Leave a comment

While Marsha is away (once again), I get to post something I like. This illustration has some awkward bits in this context, but it made for a good cover and was (strictly) scene-specific to the story/ assignment; The Earth delegation approaches, having landed their shuttle (by invitation) on the surface of a massive alien starship orbiting Jupiter.

“First Contact” is the cover illustration for the May, 2006 issue of Analog Magazine. This is the first of 5 images (a cover and 4 interior illos.) for a 4 month serialized story by Edward M. Lerner called “A New Order of Things,” part of his ‘Interstellarnet’ series It’s a great story and well worth reading. I got to meet Lerner at the 2010 Nebula awards – nice guy. I’ve read a few of his books over the years and highly recommend them. -John

Flash Fiction, robot, Sci-Fi

Brain Salad Buffet

July 25, 2017 Marsha Mellow Leave a comment

We think they consumed intelligence the way we consume food. It sustained them and they were drawn to it like moths to a flame. We think the people who came for the speech must have attracted them, after all, the event drew some of the top thinkers from the party; business executives, media luminaries, religious icons…all gathered together like a brain salad buffet. We think their mistake was just a matter of bad timing, because by the time the singularity formed just above the President’s head and they began flooding through the rift like a swarm of gangly metal spiders, the bloviating buffoon at the podium had already been speechifying for over an hour. A whole hour of engorged bravado, exaggerated assertions and pandering half-truths…reducing the (otherwise intelligent) audience to a drooling mob of seething stupidity.

We saw them spread out through the arena, randomly plucking dull witted followers from the audience like daisies, harvesting their heads for the tasty data in their brains….only to come up short. The more heads they dissolved, the more puzzled they became…unsatisfied. In fact they appeared to be weakening…starving – but then, who comes to a political speech, nowadays, for intelligence?

And as the rift sputtered and closed and the invaders lay down to die, we think we heard them mindlessly chanting …U.S.A….U..S..A…..u…s…a…..

Flash Fiction, fragment, Sci-Fi

Orbital Fracture

June 13, 2017 Marsha Mellow Leave a comment

“Well, that was pretty weird…” Quinn’s dad said, as they strolled out of the hospital emergency room toward the car. Quinn nodded in solemn agreement. His brain rattled a little, still full of purple marbles and tapioca. He winced as his now full blown concussion sent steam whistling from his ears and left a trail of silly string on the asphalt.

Just a few hours earlier, Quinn, the goalkeeper for his club soccer team, came out of his box low and fast, to intercept a couple of players desperately sparring for the ball. He dove in, punching it away as one of the players aimed a kick…but instead of connecting with the ball, his foot caught Quinn in the face like a grizzly car crash (an all-too-common goalie accident).

Quinn’s jaw spun away with a funny “vip-vip-vip!” and hit a light post, exploding in a shower of sparks. His teeth peppered everyone within fifty yards…but his head flew straight up in the air at such velocity that we lost sight of it shortly before his “AAAAAAAAAAAH!” diminished into the night. What a mess!

Willy the Astronaut was a clumsy buffoon who, for the second time this month, slipped and splashed into the molding tank at the polar ice mine on the surface of Mars…as it’s contents began to freeze. His heavily insulated vac-suit protected him from harm, but he wasn’t discovered until the 60 ton cylinder of ice had already been rocket-lifted up to the orbital processing plant, where it would be transformed into liquid oxygen rocket fuel.

Willy’s coworkers labored fruitlessly for eight frustrating hours with a laser drill to free him, without luck…..until Willy noticed Quinn’s gnarly, high velocity head glance off the ice and careen away, still hollering, “Aaaaaaaaaah!” Quinn’s head must have hit a sweet spot in the ice, just so, because it fractured the cylinder neatly, allowing Willy to escape unharmed and without a costly, shattered mess for the mining company. Willy never mentioned Quinn’s head to his employers, he was a known buffoon and his credibility was already compromised.

As to Quinn; his dad managed to gather up all his bits and parts and take him to the hospital, where the clever use of duct tape and super glue had him back on his feet in a few short hours. We figure his wild story about ice mining on Mars was probably just a symptom of his concussion.

“Well, that was pretty weird…..”

***This is a totally true story which happened to John’s son, Quinn, last week, at a soccer game in Millburn, NJ on June 9th, 2017. Quinn is recovering (slowly but steadily) and has been corresponding with Willy the Astronaut on facebook. Quinn’s dad is building a rocket ship in the barn out back, so they can visit the ice mine on Mars next month. -Marsha

robot, Sci-Fi

Designated Driver

May 23, 2017 john Leave a comment

***Marsha is away, arguing with the publisher again, probably in a belligerent blind rage. It’s okay though, she does her best work when she’s angry…or drunk (or both). As you can imagine, I’m used to it by now. But while we’ve been busy finishing our new book, she had no time to do a clever story for this illustration. It’s an old one, the 3rd assignment I ever did for Analog Magazine (out of nearly 100); a 2 page spread for the May, 2003 issue…..I still like it. -John

Sci-Fi

Alien Space Battle Thing

May 2, 2017 john Leave a comment

*****This is the 83rd post…and every 83rd post, Marsha takes a break and lets ME post one. Hooray! Marsha is away, arguing with the editor and publisher at EEW Books, trying to keep all her crappy mistakes IN the manuscript of our new book, “Bludgeon the Clown,” now that they’ve been edited out (and fixed). It’s vanity and hubris to think her departure from proper English is her ‘artistic prerogative.’ She’ll argue and get concessions – and compliments – and come away satisfied…while the publishers will do whatever they want after she leaves, anyway. It’s a messy, but necessary process….and it works. Meanwhile, I’ve posted an illustration I did for the September ’06 issue of Analog Magazine, for a story by Edward M. Lerner. It was a fun one to do…one of my favorites (though I’m no fan of war). -John

Clowns, Sci-Fi

Hans and the Talking Bear

April 25, 2017 Marsha Mellow Leave a comment

Hans-talking-bear-82

Hans discovered that he could speak with a bear who turned up in his flat last week, as once he got past his initial dread, he understood all that he said. They hit it right off, like lickety-split, just laughing and joking and shootin’ the shit… ’till the bear got hungry and ate his head and now poor Hans is dead.

***This is another illustration/poem that didn’t make the cut for our new book, ‘Bludgeon the Clown’. It’s easy to see why the image didn’t make it (it’s not very good). It was originally commissioned for a story in Analog Magazine back in 2008…but I had hoped the publisher would find a way to keep my amazing poem in the book. Oh well, that’s out of my hands – and the whole thing is coming along splendidly. -Marsha

Sci-Fi

Roger!

April 4, 2017 Marsha Mellow Leave a comment

***No clever poetry this week and no flash fiction, just an old sketch originally done (by John) for Analog Magazine back in January ’04. It seems to be the perfect image to illustrate the incredibly mediocre NJ Horror Con and Film Festival we worked last weekend. NEXT weekend we’ll be sharing a table at the Great Philadelphia Comic Con in Oaks PA. with our good friend Richard Laslo, the Cel King. After that, there will be no shows until our new book, “Bludgeon the Clown”, is done and published. We’re still shooting for the first week in May for our release…but it will just have to take whatever time it takes. -Marsha

Clowns, Flash Fiction

Winter Weather Advisory

December 20, 2016 Marsha Mellow Leave a comment

It was June and sunny. The first sunny day he’d seen in months. Standing atop a 60 foot snow drift, Santa surveyed the landscape of Death Valley, Nevada. This was no way to spend his vacation. Where were the buzzards and the fire ants? Where were the salt flats and sand dunes? This place looked too much like home this year…how awful!

Well, what did he expect? This is where things like consumerism, waste, greed and stupidity get you – and he had to admit, he played his part. Ever since they hired him to sell capitalism to the huddled masses, back in the 30’s and 40’s…..a snowpocalypse was inevitable. Mother Nature swings like a sassy pendulum, knocking the idiots aside with the good ones. Maybe the random survivors will come through smarter and better this time…but he doubted it. Oh well, he still had to find sunscreen for Mrs. Clause or she’d have his head.

He got back into his sleigh and flew off in search of a frozen supermarket, hoping the looters left some Twinkies…or some milk duds…

THE SANTA (an excerpt from ‘Bludgeon the Clown’) Possibly the best known clown of all and the greatest Christian icon in history. Santa is the hardest fellow to meet. When I flew to the North Pole for an interview I found nothing there but a giant peppermint flavored pole…and simply planning to intercept his holiday flight got me a visit from Homeland Security (again). Frankly, I couldn’t confirm he existed at all (I was crushed). Yet somehow, he still manages to deliver the most fabulous gifts, each year, to the most affluent (undeserving) children in the world…..maybe its just as well I didn’t find this clown. -Marsha

Flash Fiction, Sci-Fi

Persistently Inedible

November 29, 2016 Marsha Mellow Leave a comment

They came for me in the dead of night, grabbed me forcibly and shoved a black sack over my head. They took me to an undisclosed location, locked me in a room with nothing in it but a table and chair and set a plate of food in front of me. Weird. They told me I could leave…..but only if I finished everything on my plate. I wasn’t hungry.

I tried to reason with them but they ignored me. I ranted and raged and pounded my fists in a heroic hissy fit. I even begged…but they ignored me and by then, hours later, I WAS getting hungry.

The plate of food was still sitting there but I didn’t recognize any of it. It looked like it could be some kind of exotic vegetables. It certainly didn’t smell so good – like farts in a moldy sleeping bag. I resisted.

A few hours later I was famished. I took a closer look at the food. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad – but just then, something twitched. I squeemed with the heebie-jeebies!!…..and looking again, I could swear it was breathing. I thought I would puke but had nothing to give, then it all started to stir and writhe and become agitated – it was REALLY weird (but I was sooooooo hungry).

I grabbed a piece off the plate, wrestled it into my mouth and down my throat. It resisted, kicking and screaming all the way down. That’s when I puked…but as it limped away angrily, I caught it again, ripped it apart with my teeth and ate it. I managed to round up every single piece of those awful, jabbering bits of freakish vegetables….and I must say, it was the best meal I’d had in ages. In fact, I was looking and feeling much more like my old self again. Man! Best Thanksgiving EVER!!!

***Now that THAT’s over and we are well into the corporate buying frenzy marked by the high holy day of ‘Black Friday’, I can shamelessly plug my books. With all the garbage out there you COULD buy to purchase the affections of your loved ones for the year, I stand behind my books for their quality, cynicism and sheer awfulness. They make the best possible Christmas gift for those you love AND those you can’t stand. They’ll help you get laid, enhance your penis and put luster in your stringy hair while that extra ten pounds you’ve been trying to shed will come right off…but be careful, you may become more popular than you can handle. Available on Amazon and Etsy, you can find the links at www.sallemander.com. -Marsha

Sci-Fi

She Tasted Like Blue

November 1, 2016 Marsha Mellow Leave a comment

All speckled and fuzzy, she tasted like blue with spiny black tendrils of yellowish goo. She dribbled and hissed in licorice throes and sang like a frog-apple shoved up her nose. Shredded and pulpy and gnawing in heat while her farts were so pungently sweet. flailing in fancy with peppermint splashes, her mango-bat claws left slashes. And when she was salty she prattled and leapt and when she was orange she slept. And when she was rancid, with droplets of dew, she definitely tasted like blue.

***I didn’t write this drivel. Even my artist, John, in all his bizarre idiocy couldn’t compose this kind of brilliant shat. But, as I recall…I think it was the mutant tiger chick and her kinky prey who did it. Well, read it again and try to find the clever hidden meaning to it – then buy my books (find them at www.sallemander.com). John’s illustration was first licensed for use as the Jan/Feb 2009 cover for Analog Magazine, for a story by Rajnar Vajra (one of John’s favorite authors) -Marsha