Santa Claws really likes children. He loves when they sit on his lap. He always invites his favorite to lunch with a snip and a snickety snap! He loves them with soup, loves them with rice and sautéed with wine is fun. He loves them roasted in gravy and yams or with mustard and cheese on a bun.
***I stole the poem from an older post to use here. The image of Baby Food will be in our next illustrated book, “Body-Oddies” (which should be ready for Christmas. We’re still experimenting with ‘Food Art’. It’s week 3 and the results are mediocre. People on social media are still more impressed with John’s loopy food photos than his art. I asked him about it yesterday to see how he felt…he shrugged as if he’d already forgotten about it and said, “It’s Facebook, who cares any way?!” Meanwhile, buy our amazing illustrated books. Find them at www.etsy.com and search: EEWbooks. -Marsha
Hans discovered that he could speak with a bear who turned up in his flat last week, as once he got past his initial dread, he understood all that he said. They hit it right off, like lickety-split, just laughing and joking and shootin’ the shit… ’till the bear got hungry and ate his head and now poor Hans is dead.
Not Again…
“Oh man…not again.” said Francis under his breath, as Martin, his room-mate, stood over him, drooling.
His attack was so swift that Francis barely had time to flinch before being stuffed forcibly into Martin’s toothy maw and swallowed whole.
Francis knew he had a little time to think before the digestive process of Martin, who was a fully grown polar bear, kicked into gear, pushed him along it’s hour-long journey, and shat him out again. And really, what had begun as a quiet time for meditation was slowly turning sour as he wondered, more and more, if this little trip was really worth it.
He acknowledged that this WAS in his rental agreement, but seriously! When would Martin develop some self control with his munchies and go make himself a peanut butter sandwich or something? Everybody knew how bad the housing market was, and it was only getting worse, but this ‘fantastic journey’ through the body of a giant circus performer, twice a week, was really not worth affordable rent. He’d had some horrible roommate’s before, but this one was starting to take the cake…uh oh…here we go….. “Yeaaahhhhgh!!!” PFLOOP! “Oooooh, yuck!
***A version of this illustration was originally commissioned in B/W for a story in Analog Magazine back in 2008. It was slated to be republished in ourBludgeon the Clown book with the poem about Hans, but the publisher cut it…it was perfectly good, but not for THAT project. Now, along with a new short flash-fiction story (inspired by the art), it has been published in our new book, A Short Burst. You can find ALL our books at our Etsy shop by going to www.etsy.com and searching EEWbooks. -Marsha
***So far, this one looks like another possible reject from our next book, “Body-Oddies.” It’s a good little sketch, though. John did it for his big sister who does all his eye tea work, in fact, she makes the BEST, most scrumptious, most professional eye tea there is! Thanks Mary Anne.
***”Escape” is another tiny swatch from a page in our first book, “Marsha Mellow’s Blue-ish Freaks.” No silly story or poetry, we’re too busy getting our next book finished to post that shit…BUT, you can check out all our amazing books and stuff at etsy.com (search EEWbooks), or follow the links. -Marsha
***This is the NEW red-rough sketch for “Jar Heads.” The old one sucked. Final art for this will be a page in our new book, “Body-Oddies,” which will be finished soon (in the next few months). This was one of those lucky shots – done in one try – sitting in the back yard shade during quarantine almost a week ago. There’s no short story to go with this one (yet), and Body-Oddies is meant to be an ‘Art Book’ anyway. Meanwhile, you can find our first four illustrated books at etsy.com (search EEWbooks). -Marsha
Marshmallow Fred is soft in the head. He’s soft in the head, like I said. I thought he’d be kinda addled and dull, but seems quite witty instead.
His head is as soft as a marshmallow. A marshmallow head – with jello! Squish it just so and PLIPP out an eye, like a whimsical marshmallow fellow.
***I don’t remember writing this drivel. I don’t remember anything about the whole week when this was done! Every time I mention it to John, the illustrator, he gets a funny look on his face, rolls his eyes, and shakes his head, refusing to talk about it…just pisses me right off. What the hell happened?!?!? Anyway, the publisher seems to like it – though she is a nasty drunk, so that might not count for much, but it’s all okay with me. -Marsha
They called it ‘Body Piercing.’ It was very rare, very risky…for both the acrobat and the victim. Frisbee the Bouncer contemplated the origins of the maneuver he had just failed to properly execute. Willy the Clown (the victim) was finally settling down a bit, allowing Frisbee some time to think: you see, audiences had gotten bored with traditional tumbling and acrobatics, even parkour had lost it’s charm…free-runners traversing buildings, flipping and spinning across rooftops and bridge rafters, bouncing about from car to car in midtown traffic…I mean, it’s not as if everybody could do it nowadays, but people got bored seeing it all the time.
New ideas evolved to shock and awe the masses, each more extreme, risky…deadly. The ‘Tongue In Cheek’ was already banned in 17 states, the ‘Cockeyed Cock’ was responsible for 3 temporary deaths, 12 online divorces and 41 spontaneous abortions (in Tennessee alone)…then came ‘Body Piercing.’ It was like a grizzly car crash on the turnpike that you can’t help staring at. Frisbee recalled that the most difficult part was the need to make an entrance (not what you’re thinking). How does an acrobat bounce right through the center of an unsuspecting victim’s body (without using an existing entrance – or exit?). Well, Frisbee was quite certain he had it all figured out…but…..well, look at the picture!
Willy the Clown went quickly from surprise to horror, screaming bloody murder for 30 minutes straight…now he was just pissed off at Frisbee, who kept mumbling, “That should have worked!…Why didn’t that work?” over and over and over.
Somebody call an ambulance…!?!
***I wrote this piece last week, sitting out in my new back yard, atop the loveliest snowdrift in the midnight sun, watching the flying reindeer dogfight overhead. I’m so happy in my vacation house at the North Pole. The image is a raw, red, rough sketch for my “Body-Oddies” book. The publisher refuses to let us post any final artwork until the release date (tentatively May 1). Meanwhile you can find our first 4 books for sale by following the links to my website or at our Etsy shop (search EEWbooks). -Marsha
