Tag Archives: cosplay

Clowns, Freaks, Political

Skipper the Clown

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Business was going downhill fast

for a middle-aged clown named Skipper.

Until he applied at the local church,

who gave him a job as a stripper.

Now he has work almost every night,

’till well past three or four.

The fellas are sweet and tip really well,

but his ass is constantly sore.

NOTE: WordPress has found a way to prohibit me and other poets from posting my 8 line poem in the format I’ve used here for the last six-plus years. It will only post as a paragraph. They probably removed the feature so they can monetize it…’cause poets are sooooo rich. Well, FUCK you WordPress! Fuck your WordPress algorithm too! I hope you both die in a fiery fuckin’ plane crash! I’m tired of greedy incompetent fuckwads fuckin’ up basic shit.

***Tuesday is John’s 114th happy birthday! Write him a fuckin’ Happy Birthday message!!! But whatever you do, don’t tell facebook that February 9th is NOT his real birthday. It’s actually Feb. 31st…there’s just a problem with their stupid algorithm! (It has no sense of humor), but that’s what you get when you’re ruled by robots. We’re all doomed…have a nice day. -Marsha

Book Exerpt, Clowns, Freaks, Political

Now That He’s Dead

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Now that he’s dead we can mess with his shit.                                             We can dance really loud. We can holler and spit.

We can carry him ’round. We can make him look silly,                     dress him up nice in girly-girl frilly.

We can poke out his eyes. We can cut off his nose,                              twist-off and break all his fingers and toes.

Now that he’s dead we can draw on his skin,                                              give him a Clown face – a big stupid grin.

We can hang him outside for the vultures and beetles,                          shave his whole head and poke it with needles.

We can stuff him or shred him or chop him in chunks,                          then cook him and feed him to hobos and drunks.

Now that he’s dead, he’s starting to rot.                                                   Should we bury him now…or not?

But where is the joy? Where’s all the whimsy?                                   There’s plenty to do while the corpse is still flimsy.

And when he goes stiff and gives off a smell,                                              we’ll set him on fire and send him to hell.

He can’t hurt us now. It’s over and done,                                                           so now that he’s dead…..let’s have FUN!!

***This poem and image comprise the title page for ‘Chapter 6: Death,’ in our third book, “Bludgeon the Clown” which you can find by following the link above to www.sallemander.com., or go right to Etsy and search EEWbooks.   -Marsha

Clowns, Freaks

Jack

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I once met a clown named Jack, who shoved a grenade up his crack. They recovered his penis halfway to Venus and both of his balls in Iraq.

***Today we celebrate our ‘279th post’…and every 279 posts we publish the most offensive dick-n-balls, exploding clown limerick we can find.  This one comes to us from Venus the Clown (a major contributor to our new book “Bludgeon the Clown”).  John (the artist) claims Venus lifted it from his notes and reworked it to put his name in it.  He says he heard it a decade ago from an old friend, Robert Kopecky, when they worked on ‘Codename: Kids Next Door’ together.  I think John just hates my good friend Venus and likes to ruin my ‘279th post’ celebration. Fuck you, John!  -Marsha

*P.S.  The only problem with the Venus’ limerick (besides being disgusting) is that you have to mispronounce Iraq, like an ignorant American (eye-rack), for the rhyme to work properly. 

Book Exerpt, Clowns, Freaks

Uprising

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Uprising-45

The Clowns rose up in anger one day deciding enough was enough.  They poured out into the streets en masse, yelling and juggling stuff. 

They wanted ‘equal rights’, they said, to be ‘taken seriously’. An end to random giggles and leers. They wanted respect, you see. 

Snarling traffic with mini Clown cars, squirtling flowers and ties,  their strike turned into a riot (of sorts) pelting police with pies. 

They overwhelmed the barricades, storming the walls and ditches and made their way up to capital hill, leaving the cops in stitches. 

But as they breached the chamber doors, their smiles turned into frowns, for the senate was already occupied by Idiots, Mimes and Clowns.

I wrote this piece (and John illustrated it) almost two decades ago.  I thought, for sure, things MUST have changed for the better by now…but no.  Anyway, it finally got published in our third book, “Bludgeon the Clown,” which you can find (and buy) following the www.sallemander.com to our Etsy shop (link at the top), or by going to www.etsy.com, search EEWbooks.  -Marsha

body-oddies, Book Exerpt, Sci-Fi

There Must Be Some Mistake

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The atmosphere in the ballroom went positively rancid the moment I walked in.  People stopped dancing mid-step.  The band struck a sour chord and shambled into silence.  Drinks spilled.  A waiter dropped a tray of dishes with a loud, lingering clatter.  A woman fainted, hitting the floor with a dull thud.

Everyone in the place turned to look at me as if I had two heads.  Something was ‘off’ about these people; I just couldn’t put my finger on it.

The groom, looking quite put out, detached himself from his bride and strolled elegantly toward me, the tails of his tuxedo brushing the onlookers as they parted to let him through.  He handed me a scrap of paper with the neatly written words: “There must be some mistake” and gestured to a banner over the dais which read: “Congratulations to Headless Charlie and Sue the Body!”

That’s when I realized that it wasn’t my two heads that disturbed them…it was that I was the only freak in the room who had any head at all.

How embarrassing!

***This is from our 4th book, “A Short Burst” a collection of flash science fiction.  Most of what you find in this blog is a light dusting of what you’ll find in our books.  Follow the links above to www.sallemander.com or go to our Etsy shop at www.etsy.com and search EEWbooks.   -Marsha

Clowns, Freaks

Bludgeon the Clown

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***Our third book, “Bludgeon the Clown” is a fully illustrated ‘graphic novel’ which exposes the grizzly details of our nationwide clown conspiracy and cover-up. The material in this book could irrevocably alter life as we know it (for the better)…unless we’re really careful. It’s big, it’s beautiful, and tastes like blue-ish nose crystals dipped in spleen juice, slathered in gooey irony and deep fried to a crispy hubris. Find it at our Etsy shop. Go to www.etsy.com and search EEWbooks.  BUT…even if clowns aren’t your thing, it makes the perfect holiday gift for your most annoying in-laws – or that estranged sibling you only ever argue with on the holidays.  -Marsha 

body-oddies, Clowns, Freaks

Creepy

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***Our second book project, “Creepy Clown Coloring Book.”  There’s no short, flash-fiction story for this one, John simply saw these guys hanging out at the blues club on 17th Street one night and did a sketch of them on the spot. Don’t worry, just because its a coloring book doesn’t mean its any less amazing (awful) and beautiful than our other works.  Its a delightful gallery of fantastic images designed to rekindle your fondest nightmares – in a grizzly fender bender down memory lane.  Its only $10. and you can get your own copy by at our Esty shop. Go to www.etsy.com and search EEWbooks. It makes a fabulous holiday gift (even for the people you like).  -Marsha

Clowns, Freaks

Blue-ish Freaks

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***There’s nothing like a good wholesome (shameless) promotion to hasten the debauchery of our annual holiday buying frenzy in America. We are so proud to present our first book, “Marsha Mellow’s Blue-ish Freaks”, an amazing, hand crafted, fully illustrated collection of bizarre clown rhymes and ditties…completely free of dull, capitalist influence. You can find it at our Etsy shop by searching EEWbooks at www.etsy.com. It makes a fantastic holiday gift for the people you like…as well as your family. -Marsha

body-oddies

Fighting Tooth and Nail

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***This sketch was done for the intro to our new book, “Body-Oddies,” which is plodding along through the publisher’s process. We don’t really mind. Frankly there’s no rush to get it done right now – in 2020. There are no viable markets (including online) to introduce it into until the pandemic subsides a bit. But, for me and my illustrator, John, there are several brilliant projects to get done and some amazing creative time available do them, so let it plod through the publisher’s, and when we get back to selling (next year), we’ll have more to offer a wider audience! -Marsha