Tag Archives: alien

How Do I Look?

January 29, 2018 Marsha Mellow Leave a comment

Nothing actually happened for a solid fifteen minutes after Eddie drank the formula. He turned to us (once again) with a forlorn look and asked, “Any change yet? How do I look?”

We knew he was crazy. He was one of those people: perpetually dissatisfied, determined to prove that he was ‘special’. He wanted fame, popularity, success (despite being an already brilliant scientist) and he was driven…you know, crazy…AND he had full use of the company’s laboratory. He had access to all the good stuff too; plasma reactor, laser diffractional transmogrifier, crazy glue – not to mention ebola, thermite and flu vaccine…and I think our awkward, mild mannered (crazy) Eddie used all of it on this new batch.

By the sixteenth minute, everything changed and Eddie’s fondest wish was realized. He began mutating wildly, spreading outward in every direction, emitting the strangest squeaking moan. He shook, twisted and bloated. He grew tendrils, sprouted claws and screeched Latin gibberish from three of his seven worm-haired monkey faces as horns emerged from his leathery spine. He puffed a sweet yellow smoke, shed tufts of pink fur and dribbled buckets of gooey puss. He was a frightful sight…but he was just sooooo excited we didn’t have the heart to terminate him.

When he finally slowed and stabilized, he turned all of his seventeen eyes-on-a-stalk to us and in a clever series of musical farts, he asked, “Okay!…How do I look now?”

***This brings me right back to my days writing side-effects disclaimers for big Pharma…and Eddie helped me come up with some doozies. He’s still alive and well and the subject of great intrigue at a secret government laboratory in Nevada. I think the locals refer to it as “a sighting” every time he manages to get out for a stroll. John’s image was his very first cover for Asimov’s Science Fiction Magazine (Jan. 2003). This is reposted from around this time in 2016…another good old one to wear away the winter days. -Marsha

Flash Fiction, robot, Sci-Fi

Circling The Issue

January 16, 2018 Marsha Mellow Leave a comment

The Issue was listing badly in a failing orbit around Jupiter. She was dead in the water and her distress signal cut out abruptly on our approach. She was a heavy freighter loaded with uranium ore, bound for the refineries on Mars and long overdue…something didn’t feel right.

We circled The Issue slowly about ten miles out – but with our engines hot in case it was a trap. There were raiders in this sector who often used derelicts to stage their attacks. There was no response to my hail, no wi-fi, no beams…no strobes. Sensors showed cold engines and no (human) life signs. I found a weird glitch in the data, something unrecognizable….but not enough to put the crew off their prize. The salvage on The Issue would make every man on board filthy rich. I was the only one still arguing for caution but none of the men wanted the opinion of someone like me. I was property and was not entitled to a share anyway.

When the Captain (despite my misgivings) gave the order to board, we moved in and docked with reckless abandon. A combat team stood at the ready as I popped the air lock. They made me go first. They always made the android go first. I was the most expendable…expensive but not valuable.

And…as I swung the hatch open, a sudden violent flood of spidery greenish critters swarmed through the airlock by the hundreds. I guess I didn’t taste good because they left me alone and flowed past me, devouring the crew as they went. I waited. It took them 19 minutes to scour the ship from bow to stern and I listened to each and every man screaming his last – the men who treated me like shit for two solid years – the men who sneered at my warnings.

I waited…to see what this NEW crew had to offer. It couldn’t be any worse than the last one…..this could be interesting…

***I thought this would be a good piece to re-post in the bitter cold of January doldrums. We’re pretty busy during our hibernation; I’m designing a set of 10 greeting cards and 4 postcards for the spring shows while John is illustrating a children’s book and doing final art for our next book. John’s sketch for this post was originally published in the May 2006 issue of Analog Magazine for a story by Edward M. Lerner. -Marsha

Flash Fiction, fragment, Sci-Fi

Just Pretend You’re One of Them

October 31, 2017 Marsha Mellow Leave a comment

Captain’s Log: Oct. 31, 2017, 4:16 pm. Earth time.

Oh my…this is going to be SO easy! All that hard work preparing costumes and disguises for this mission…..completely unnecessary. Just look at this place. The natives here are CRAZY! All day since we landed they’ve been running around dressed up in outrageous costumes, as monsters and zombies and hookers and well…even aliens. I think we’re gonna fit in here, just fine. But hooo-boy, when I get back home, I’m going to tear the advanced team a new one. Their intelligence reports painted such a boring, conservative picture of this species…SHEEESH, were they wrong!? Why, just now I saw a tiny little demon girl approaching our safe-house door…..hang on…’DING—DONG!’…..”Trick or treat!!!”

***John’s illustration was originally published in the October 2014 issue of Analog Magazine for a story by Joyce and Stanley Schmidt. Stan is an old friend and was the editor of Analog for about 3 decades. You can find their orig. story in the archives at analogsf.com. This was originally posted on Halloween in 2015 (my 4th post ever), but most of you will have missed it. Happy Halloween! -Marsha

Flash Fiction, Sci-Fi

Diplomat

October 3, 2017 Marsha Mellow Leave a comment

I do nothing all day but sit in my cell, chained to the wall in a puddle of rancid liquid. The place is filthy, the toilet hasn’t worked in weeks and that awful television box is my only form of entertainment. It screams at me and blathers their inane, selfish ‘culture’ all day, it’s all I can do to block it out, lest I lose my sanity. The only decent people I have to speak with are the cockroaches, who seem to come and go as they please…

They take me out twice a week to show me off to their military luminaries while their (so-called) scientists run ‘tests’. They mostly probe my anus and shock my genitals and laugh like lunatics as they torture me. I don’t understand their obsession with my junk – and I don’t get the reference to it as “payback”. My people have never visited this place before.

They are an ugly people. I don’t mean their pasty, bloated flesh, two meager eyes and stubby fingers that make them look like deformed infants. I’m referring to their brutish indifference to justice, authoritarian rule and the cognitive dissonance of the masses. The racist, nasty things they call me…well, I can’t even begin to repeat in polite company. This is certainly no way to treat an ambassador.

I would never have come to this primitive cesspool if it wasn’t for engine trouble – and a spread of ballistic missiles that took all the dignity out of my crash landing. These people ignored my distress calls and now refuse to honor my diplomatic immunity…..boy oh boy, when the mother ship gets here to rescue me, they are gonna FRY this place!

***This piece was first posted on Dec. 8th, 2015 as our 10th post. The image was a cover illustration that John did for Analog Magazine for the June, 2007 issue. We needed an easy break this week as we gear up to release our new book, “Bludgeon the Clown.” It’s with the printer now and we’re hoping to have advance copies to bring to the Lehigh Valley Comic Con on Oct. 7th, where John will be a featured guest artist. Come join us (I might be there too). -Marsha

Sci-Fi

First Contact

September 19, 2017 john Leave a comment

While Marsha is away (once again), I get to post something I like. This illustration has some awkward bits in this context, but it made for a good cover and was (strictly) scene-specific to the story/ assignment; The Earth delegation approaches, having landed their shuttle (by invitation) on the surface of a massive alien starship orbiting Jupiter.

“First Contact” is the cover illustration for the May, 2006 issue of Analog Magazine. This is the first of 5 images (a cover and 4 interior illos.) for a 4 month serialized story by Edward M. Lerner called “A New Order of Things,” part of his ‘Interstellarnet’ series It’s a great story and well worth reading. I got to meet Lerner at the 2010 Nebula awards – nice guy. I’ve read a few of his books over the years and highly recommend them. -John

Flash Fiction, robot, Sci-Fi

Brain Salad Buffet

July 25, 2017 Marsha Mellow Leave a comment

We think they consumed intelligence the way we consume food. It sustained them and they were drawn to it like moths to a flame. We think the people who came for the speech must have attracted them, after all, the event drew some of the top thinkers from the party; business executives, media luminaries, religious icons…all gathered together like a brain salad buffet. We think their mistake was just a matter of bad timing, because by the time the singularity formed just above the President’s head and they began flooding through the rift like a swarm of gangly metal spiders, the bloviating buffoon at the podium had already been speechifying for over an hour. A whole hour of engorged bravado, exaggerated assertions and pandering half-truths…reducing the (otherwise intelligent) audience to a drooling mob of seething stupidity.

We saw them spread out through the arena, randomly plucking dull witted followers from the audience like daisies, harvesting their heads for the tasty data in their brains….only to come up short. The more heads they dissolved, the more puzzled they became…unsatisfied. In fact they appeared to be weakening…starving – but then, who comes to a political speech, nowadays, for intelligence?

And as the rift sputtered and closed and the invaders lay down to die, we think we heard them mindlessly chanting …U.S.A….U..S..A…..u…s…a…..

Sci-Fi

Alien Space Battle Thing

May 2, 2017 john Leave a comment

*****This is the 83rd post…and every 83rd post, Marsha takes a break and lets ME post one. Hooray! Marsha is away, arguing with the editor and publisher at EEW Books, trying to keep all her crappy mistakes IN the manuscript of our new book, “Bludgeon the Clown,” now that they’ve been edited out (and fixed). It’s vanity and hubris to think her departure from proper English is her ‘artistic prerogative.’ She’ll argue and get concessions – and compliments – and come away satisfied…while the publishers will do whatever they want after she leaves, anyway. It’s a messy, but necessary process….and it works. Meanwhile, I’ve posted an illustration I did for the September ’06 issue of Analog Magazine, for a story by Edward M. Lerner. It was a fun one to do…one of my favorites (though I’m no fan of war). -John

Sci-Fi

Roger!

April 4, 2017 Marsha Mellow Leave a comment

***No clever poetry this week and no flash fiction, just an old sketch originally done (by John) for Analog Magazine back in January ’04. It seems to be the perfect image to illustrate the incredibly mediocre NJ Horror Con and Film Festival we worked last weekend. NEXT weekend we’ll be sharing a table at the Great Philadelphia Comic Con in Oaks PA. with our good friend Richard Laslo, the Cel King. After that, there will be no shows until our new book, “Bludgeon the Clown”, is done and published. We’re still shooting for the first week in May for our release…but it will just have to take whatever time it takes. -Marsha

Flash Fiction, Sci-Fi

Persistently Inedible

November 29, 2016 Marsha Mellow Leave a comment

They came for me in the dead of night, grabbed me forcibly and shoved a black sack over my head. They took me to an undisclosed location, locked me in a room with nothing in it but a table and chair and set a plate of food in front of me. Weird. They told me I could leave…..but only if I finished everything on my plate. I wasn’t hungry.

I tried to reason with them but they ignored me. I ranted and raged and pounded my fists in a heroic hissy fit. I even begged…but they ignored me and by then, hours later, I WAS getting hungry.

The plate of food was still sitting there but I didn’t recognize any of it. It looked like it could be some kind of exotic vegetables. It certainly didn’t smell so good – like farts in a moldy sleeping bag. I resisted.

A few hours later I was famished. I took a closer look at the food. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad – but just then, something twitched. I squeemed with the heebie-jeebies!!…..and looking again, I could swear it was breathing. I thought I would puke but had nothing to give, then it all started to stir and writhe and become agitated – it was REALLY weird (but I was sooooooo hungry).

I grabbed a piece off the plate, wrestled it into my mouth and down my throat. It resisted, kicking and screaming all the way down. That’s when I puked…but as it limped away angrily, I caught it again, ripped it apart with my teeth and ate it. I managed to round up every single piece of those awful, jabbering bits of freakish vegetables….and I must say, it was the best meal I’d had in ages. In fact, I was looking and feeling much more like my old self again. Man! Best Thanksgiving EVER!!!

***Now that THAT’s over and we are well into the corporate buying frenzy marked by the high holy day of ‘Black Friday’, I can shamelessly plug my books. With all the garbage out there you COULD buy to purchase the affections of your loved ones for the year, I stand behind my books for their quality, cynicism and sheer awfulness. They make the best possible Christmas gift for those you love AND those you can’t stand. They’ll help you get laid, enhance your penis and put luster in your stringy hair while that extra ten pounds you’ve been trying to shed will come right off…but be careful, you may become more popular than you can handle. Available on Amazon and Etsy, you can find the links at www.sallemander.com. -Marsha

Flash Fiction, Sci-Fi

Search Me…

July 5, 2016 Marsha Mellow Leave a comment

They were big and beefy and incredibly strong. They were aggressive, pointing their weapons everywhere and smelled like belligerent fear as they shouted and snarled. They wore plate armor like insects but they were pasty and bony underneath with beady eyes and a ridiculous tuft of hair on their tiny heads – like hand puppets. They were most definitely …ALIEN!

When they landed their starship in my back yard and demanded, “Take me to your leader!” I was so stunned – so baffled that I just froze and blinked at them. Their exasperated captain tried again, “Where are your leaders?!” with a sneer of contempt, as if I was a child. I simply shrugged and said, “Search me…”

Now, I don’t know if they misunderstood me or just had a REALLY strange sense of humor…..but being held down in a medical lab with a gnarly probe approaching my buttocks is taking things waaaaaay too literally.

***This one reminds me of my last colonoscopy…And can anybody explain what the deal is with Aliens and anal probes? Every single time; anal probe – anal probe – anal probe. They’re almost as bad as the CIA (though, at least Aliens ask intelligent questions). This was the (lucky) 13th cover John did for Analog/Asimov’s Magazines. -Marsha