Mike was a two-faced liar…no, ‘liar’ was his last NAME.
He only had two faces, ’cause that was the way he came.
He also had seventeen toes, and a nine inch tail, which was flat,
and five short pricks that fit like a glove, but nobody cared about that!
Everyone hated a two-faced liar. They called it a curse and a sin,
but once he became the president, he actually fit right in.
Business was going downhill fast
for a middle-aged clown named Skipper.
Until he applied at the local church,
who gave him a job as a stripper.
Now he has work almost every night,
’till well past three or four.
The fellas are sweet and tip really well,
but his ass is constantly sore.
NOTE: WordPress has found a way to prohibit me and other poets from posting my 8 line poem in the format I’ve used here for the last six-plus years. It will only post as a paragraph. They probably removed the feature so they can monetize it…’cause poets are sooooo rich. Well, FUCK you WordPress! Fuck your WordPress algorithm too! I hope you both die in a fiery fuckin’ plane crash! I’m tired of greedy incompetent fuckwads fuckin’ up basic shit.
***Tuesday is John’s 114th happy birthday! Write him a fuckin’ Happy Birthday message!!! But whatever you do, don’t tell facebook that February 9th is NOT his real birthday. It’s actually Feb. 31st…there’s just a problem with their stupid algorithm! (It has no sense of humor), but that’s what you get when you’re ruled by robots. We’re all doomed…have a nice day. -Marsha
The atmosphere in the ballroom went positively rancid the moment I walked in. People stopped dancing mid-step. The band struck a sour chord and shambled into silence. Drinks spilled. A waiter dropped a tray of dishes with a loud, lingering clatter. A woman fainted, hitting the floor with a dull thud.
Everyone in the place turned to look at me as if I had two heads. Something was ‘off’ about these people; I just couldn’t put my finger on it.
The groom, looking quite put out, detached himself from his bride and strolled elegantly toward me, the tails of his tuxedo brushing the onlookers as they parted to let him through. He handed me a scrap of paper with the neatly written words: “There must be some mistake” and gestured to a banner over the dais which read: “Congratulations to Headless Charlie and Sue the Body!”
That’s when I realized that it wasn’t my two heads that disturbed them…it was that I was the only freak in the room who had any head at all.
How embarrassing!
***This is from our 4th book, “A Short Burst” a collection of flash science fiction. Most of what you find in this blog is a light dusting of what you’ll find in our books. Follow the links above to www.sallemander.com or go to our Etsy shop at www.etsy.com and search EEWbooks. -Marsha
***It’s not as much of a “Welcome to 2021!” as it is a “Farewell to 2020.” Happy new year! -Marsha
I really can’t think of a favorite place but I love the idea of flavored space, which happens to rhyme with ‘baby face’ like the horrible growth on my cheek.
I like the idea of an ‘open mic’ as long as I’m never the Mike. Exposing my guts to a crowd if you like might make some people freak.
I never accepted an open ‘Hand Shake’ though I don’t mind a hand made cake. Swallowing fingers is awful to take but easy to grasp – so to speak.
But my favorite place is up my nose, where adorable ‘nose hair’ grows, which is usually better than ‘smelly toes’ ’cause its cute and fuzzy and chic.
***Lets take a little break from the national disgrace of American elections and corporatized holidays for something light, adorable and wholesome. This little ditty makes John giggle like a tickled toddler every time he reads it. He’s done rough sketches of all the ‘Body-Oddies’ it mentions (even though we only used ‘baby face’ for this post), for the new “Body-Oddies” book. Find our first four books at our EEWbooks Etsy store. Thanks. -Marsha
Lester the Jester threw up his supper, emerging instead as a fool named Skupper who gagged on his guts as they spilled from his gob expelling another named Bob, who horked up a loogie of phlegm and bile, appearing at last as a Jester named Lyle who turned to his mates and stuck out his tongue saying, “Better off here… than out Lester’s bung.”
***He ate something funny. This is from our first book, “Marsha Mellow’s Blue-ish Freaks.” Buy the book. It will transform your life! Find all our books at our Etsy shop (search EEWbooks), or visit our website (find the link at the top of the page); www.sallemander.com -Marsha
***Aristocrat is part of an illustration featured in our “Bludgeon the Clown” book. It’s always a good one at election time…most people don’t get it. Find our shop on Etsy (search EEWbooks). Buy our books. There are four illustrated books now, with a new one coming out soon. -Marsha
***Here’s the last in our series of ‘Food Art.’ No short story, no whimsical rhyme, just one of the sketches for the new “Body-Oddies” book – which is nearly done. There’s no need for any of that other crap for this one anyway. Find us at www.etsy.com, search: EEWbooks, and buy all our other illustrated books and stuff. -Marsha
***Just a little Eye Candy this time. This is the original sketchbook sketch. We’re REALLY busy finishing up the work on our 5th book, “Body-Oddies,” and we’re not sure this little nugget will make it past the final cut. We have 160 illustrations, but only 100 pages to work with. Not everything that gets cut is crap, so it’s a shame not to share it. -Marsha
***”Escape” is another tiny swatch from a page in our first book, “Marsha Mellow’s Blue-ish Freaks.” No silly story or poetry, we’re too busy getting our next book finished to post that shit…BUT, you can check out all our amazing books and stuff at etsy.com (search EEWbooks), or follow the links. -Marsha