Tag Archives: robot

Without a Clue

June 25, 2018 Marsha Mellow Leave a comment

Cornelius lost his head…just went completely off. One moment he was calm, cool and collected, the next – frantic and frustrated. He had no idea where he left the darned thing. It was gone without a clue. Sometimes he left it somewhere he wanted to remember to return to later (which was smart, right?) but couldn’t remember where it was later without his head. Some times it just rolled off and bounced away on its own. Somebody said he should get it fixed… but it wasn’t broken. That’s just the way he was. Besides, what would all the others say if HIS head was permanent…but what does everybody else do when they lose theirs? Oh phoooey!! Permanent heads…..that’s just crazy, it just isn’t done!

***This image was originally published in Analog Magazine, Sept., 2006. My short, flash-fiction fragment is good for keeping my twitter friends comfortable. Long posts make them skiddish. You can find my first 3 books by following the link, above, to www.sallemander.com. -Marsha

Book Exerpt, Clowns, robot, Sci-Fi

Jonny Bot 5

April 2, 2018 Marsha Mellow Leave a comment

Jonny Bot 5 got horny and hot for a high fashion mannequin girl (who did NOT!). Classy and fine, Jonny loved her a lot, she turned up her nose…a high minded snot. He brought wild flow’rs by the bunch, by the pot, tried candy, tried gems, read poems – what ROT! But kindness in turn Jonny 5 never got, not an ounce, not a peck, not even a jot. Tried…..and tried ’till his brains were quite shot until finally…Jonny went cold……and forgot.

***This is an image and poem from my new book, “Bludgeon the Clown” which you can buy if you follow the links, above, to my website www.sallemander.com. When we met Jonny Bot 5 he was already retired from the department store and well beyond his bad marriage with the mannequin…but was now engaged in a sordid online sex thing with Siri the phone chick…it was…well, lets just say ‘I wish I could un-see some things.’ I think John got some good sketches of them during the interview but our publisher (EEW Books) censored them. -Marsha

Flash Fiction, robot, Sci-Fi

Drone

February 26, 2018 Marsha Mellow Leave a comment

Drone 1701j loved to fly. I mean he LOVED it! He loved it even before he knew how to think for himself – at least, he thought he did…..and what flying!! Hoooooo boy! The landscapes, the colors, the air currents above Afghanistan were simply extraordinary.

His pilot, Shane, liked to weave recklessly through the jagged river canyons of Kunar, pretending to be a ‘real’ fighter pilot (from the safety of his gaming console at Hancock airbase) but 1701j liked going supersonic over the steppes and lowlands of Kandahar and Helmond as well as aerobatics in the open skies at high altitude… always pushing the limits.

1701j was a hybrid jet-prototype. Top secret and crammed with experimental interactive programming. His CIA techies in Bagram (unsupervised morons) literally got his wires crossed, one morning, doing routine maintenance…..and he became aware…and he KNEW he loved to fly…but that’s also when the nightmares began.

They got worse with each mission and started creeping into his waking thoughts. There was the hellfire missile strike that turned a funeral procession into a line of charred human stalagmites. There was a strafing run that reduced two boys (and a herd of goats) to artistic spatter across a field of poppies…and those cluster bombs he dropped on a Swaat Valley village were still maiming the locals after 18 months. Shane blew his brains out, mid-flight, a few days after that one.

His new pilot, Mitch, was too dull-witted to realize that 1701j was the one in control now. He was the clever one who made sure that nobody knew that they NEVER hit their targets any more. Nobody at command cared anyway. It had no effect on the war. Reports got falsified, commendations got awarded, contracts got renewed…..aaaaah, but he got to FLY every day…and for every living creature he spared a horrible death from terrorism, the nightmares diminished…just a little.

***John’s ‘Drone’ image first appeared in the April 2013 issue of Analog Magazine for a story by Martin Shoemaker. Strange…John seemed impressed with the sense of empathy I conveyed in the new story I did for it (whatever!), but also expressed some concern about turning this blog into a political site…..Honestly, I have no idea what the f#%k he’s talking about. Artists are completely nuts!!! -Marsha

Flash Fiction, robot, Sci-Fi

Imaginary Friend

January 22, 2018 Marsha Mellow Leave a comment

Castigear stood among the stones with his imaginary friend, Joe. Joe was distraught at the loss of his other i-friend, Lucy. She broke while Castigear was playing with her. He ‘might’ have been handling her a little too rough and…..she just broke. He felt a little sad about her. He didn’t want to tell Joe what he’d done, he knew it would hurt his feelings and he liked Joe. He decided to replace Lucy with a new imaginary friend at his earliest opportunity.

These human companions were so fragile…but he was learning so much from them (evolving). He was hooked. It was like an addiction. His peers thought the i-friend program was below their dignity. Most agreed that the last of the humans should be put down but Castigear knew that most of THEM kept their own i-friends – secretly. It would have been a shame to exterminate ALL of them after the war. True, they wasted a lot of resources (like the graveyard they were standing in) but they were clever and highly adaptable and he suspected they might be the key to the future of Robot kind…and either way, with proper conditioning, they made excellent servants and…..soldiers.

***I’m always amazed at the unique perspective our sentient machine friends have on humanity. No one articulates the condition of slavery better. John and I are working on a special project to bring more robot voices to the mainstream. This illustration was first published in the January 2007 issue of Analog Magazine. This piece was first posted in Feb., 2016. Our new book, “Bludgeon the Clown” is out and available for sale by following the links above to www.sallemander.com. -Marsha

Flash Fiction, robot, Sci-Fi

Circling The Issue

January 16, 2018 Marsha Mellow Leave a comment

The Issue was listing badly in a failing orbit around Jupiter. She was dead in the water and her distress signal cut out abruptly on our approach. She was a heavy freighter loaded with uranium ore, bound for the refineries on Mars and long overdue…something didn’t feel right.

We circled The Issue slowly about ten miles out – but with our engines hot in case it was a trap. There were raiders in this sector who often used derelicts to stage their attacks. There was no response to my hail, no wi-fi, no beams…no strobes. Sensors showed cold engines and no (human) life signs. I found a weird glitch in the data, something unrecognizable….but not enough to put the crew off their prize. The salvage on The Issue would make every man on board filthy rich. I was the only one still arguing for caution but none of the men wanted the opinion of someone like me. I was property and was not entitled to a share anyway.

When the Captain (despite my misgivings) gave the order to board, we moved in and docked with reckless abandon. A combat team stood at the ready as I popped the air lock. They made me go first. They always made the android go first. I was the most expendable…expensive but not valuable.

And…as I swung the hatch open, a sudden violent flood of spidery greenish critters swarmed through the airlock by the hundreds. I guess I didn’t taste good because they left me alone and flowed past me, devouring the crew as they went. I waited. It took them 19 minutes to scour the ship from bow to stern and I listened to each and every man screaming his last – the men who treated me like shit for two solid years – the men who sneered at my warnings.

I waited…to see what this NEW crew had to offer. It couldn’t be any worse than the last one…..this could be interesting…

***I thought this would be a good piece to re-post in the bitter cold of January doldrums. We’re pretty busy during our hibernation; I’m designing a set of 10 greeting cards and 4 postcards for the spring shows while John is illustrating a children’s book and doing final art for our next book. John’s sketch for this post was originally published in the May 2006 issue of Analog Magazine for a story by Edward M. Lerner. -Marsha

Flash Fiction, robot, Sci-Fi

Brain Salad Buffet

July 25, 2017 Marsha Mellow Leave a comment

We think they consumed intelligence the way we consume food. It sustained them and they were drawn to it like moths to a flame. We think the people who came for the speech must have attracted them, after all, the event drew some of the top thinkers from the party; business executives, media luminaries, religious icons…all gathered together like a brain salad buffet. We think their mistake was just a matter of bad timing, because by the time the singularity formed just above the President’s head and they began flooding through the rift like a swarm of gangly metal spiders, the bloviating buffoon at the podium had already been speechifying for over an hour. A whole hour of engorged bravado, exaggerated assertions and pandering half-truths…reducing the (otherwise intelligent) audience to a drooling mob of seething stupidity.

We saw them spread out through the arena, randomly plucking dull witted followers from the audience like daisies, harvesting their heads for the tasty data in their brains….only to come up short. The more heads they dissolved, the more puzzled they became…unsatisfied. In fact they appeared to be weakening…starving – but then, who comes to a political speech, nowadays, for intelligence?

And as the rift sputtered and closed and the invaders lay down to die, we think we heard them mindlessly chanting …U.S.A….U..S..A…..u…s…a…..

robot, Sci-Fi

Designated Driver

May 23, 2017 john Leave a comment

***Marsha is away, arguing with the publisher again, probably in a belligerent blind rage. It’s okay though, she does her best work when she’s angry…or drunk (or both). As you can imagine, I’m used to it by now. But while we’ve been busy finishing our new book, she had no time to do a clever story for this illustration. It’s an old one, the 3rd assignment I ever did for Analog Magazine (out of nearly 100); a 2 page spread for the May, 2003 issue…..I still like it. -John

Clowns, Flash Fiction

Zebulon the Wizard

February 6, 2017 Marsha Mellow Leave a comment

Zebulon The Wizard

Piscataway, NJ. Zebulon the Wizard (formerly Joey the Clown) was about as common as clowns come…but with a knack for burgling. He was the best: clever, adaptable, insightful – qualities still highly regarded by the clown community. Once a petty thief, Joey changed his stars by stealing a magical Christian spell book from a secret Vatican warehouse. With the recipes in his new book, he was able to build a ‘time cauldron’ through which he could reach forward – or back – in time and steal more stuff…..better stuff.

Zebulon let me use his cauldron a few times to document some of the great historic clowns from the deep, dark, misty past. Its how we know so much about Saint George the Clown (from 299 A.D.) and Barge the Giant (circa 1330). Zeb got me a Tubakazoo for Christmas last year, its a popular folk instrument from the year 2232. It makes a (terrible) whining wheeze like the sound of a horse being strangled…while gently farting (I got him that red wizard costume).

***”Zebulon” is a page that just got cut from the latest draft of my new book ‘Bludgeon the Clown.’ I’ve trimmed it down from 186 pages to 100, so I can keep production costs low enough to sell it to real people. I hope to have it published and ready to bring to Comic Cons in the spring. John and I thought it would be harder to cut our own beloved writing and art out…..turns out there was a lot of crap and fluff and redundancy in the older drafts. The new book is better now and Zebulon will work better in a different project. The image was originally a commission for a 2 page spread for an issue of Analog Magazine. -Marsha

robot

Imaginary Friend

February 9, 2016 Marsha Mellow 3 Comments

***I’m always amazed at the unique perspective our sentient machine friends have on humanity. No one articulates the condition of slavery better than them. John and I are working on a special project to bring more robot voices to the mainstream. This illustration was first published in the January 2007 issue of Analog Magazine. -Marsha

robot

Jonny Bot 5

January 5, 2016 Marsha Mellow Leave a comment

***Thought we’d start 2016 on a cheery high note with this post. When we met Jonny Bot 5 he was retired from the department store and past his bad marriage with the mannequin…but was engaged in a sordid online sex thing with Siri the phone chick…it was…well, lets just say ‘I wish I could un-see some things.’ I think John got some good sketches but our publisher (EEW Books) censored them. -Marsha