Tag Archives: poetry

Spindle the Clown

Spindle the Clown was really old, so he went to Miami for rest          but drank more vodka than he could hold and collapsed with a pain in his chest.

He died that night in his hotel suit but not before fouling his shorts and hurling his lunch from his chest to his feet in retching, heaving, snorts.

Nobody knew he was there, by chance, having very few friends, to be sure, and his room was paid for the month in advance with “DO NOT DISTURB!” on the door.

So his body sat in the heat to bloat and his organs turned to soup and flies laid eggs in his nose and throat and beetles infested his poop.

Rats and roaches came up through the shower, the odors were pungent and fresh and feasted on Spindle for 93 hours, stripping his bones of flesh.

When housekeeping finally entered the room, hardly a crumb remained. Spindle the Clown was completely gone, except for his creepy brain.

***We met Spindle the Clown a few years ago while researching death rituals among the Clown species.  We spent a week  documenting his demise – only to witness him defy death in the end.  Sadly, his brain grew up to be a corporate banker…..very tragic.  John insisted that we use this image for our first post (back in Oct., 2015) for some strange symbolism that only idiotic artists understand.  Spindle was featured in our first book, “Blue-ish Freaks” which you can follow the links to find and buy.       -Marsha

Boogey Man

Boogey Man Dan was alive and well                                                                        and couldn’t believe his good luck.                                                                      Up until now he lived up my nose                                                                      and was rather hopelessly stuck.                                                                      Now he’s stuck to my finger,                                                                                    like a glob of cold runny eggs.                                                                                    At least he got out in one solid piece                                                                    with all of his fingers and legs.                                                                              But what to do now?  Where should he go?                                                  His entire life lay ahead!                                                                                        …until I decided to knead him to bits                                                                and flick his corpse away…..dead.

***I’m travelling again and I’ve noticed that in every American airport there’s a special line for rich, rude, entitled people who pay loads of extra money so they can be first in line and feel important (I guess), even though we all get on the same plane, breathe the same air and arrive at the same time.  THEY get to be first, at the front, like the petty popular kids in grammar school…and I just have to  laugh at the silly people.  The last time I was in Moab, Ut., there was one such dignified, aristocratic fellow who spent the entire trip to Philadelphia picking his nose, which inspired me to write this little ditty on the plane.    -Marsha

 

Soft in the Head

Marshmallow Fred is soft in the head.                                                              He’s soft in the head, like I said.                                                                                  I thought he’d be kinda addled and dull,                                                         but seems quite witty instead.

His head is as soft as a marshmallow.                                                                   A marshmallow head – with jello!                                                                Squish it just so and PLIPP out an eye,                                                            like a whimsical marshmallow fellow.

***I don’t remember writing this drivel.  I don’t remember anything about the whole week when this was done!  Every time I mention it to John, the illustrator, he gets a funny look on his face, rolls his eyes, and shakes his head, refusing to talk about it…just pisses me right off.  What the hell happened?!?!?  Anyway, the publisher seems to like it – though she is a nasty drunk, so that might not count for much, but it’s all okay with me.    -Marsha

Baby Sitter

At first we thought all the babies blew up.                                                   We found them that way in the morning.                                             They’d suddenly grown to enormous size!                                                  We had no idea…no warning.

Well, people freaked out.  They lost their minds,                                   (and some of us got really drunk),                                                                     but didn’t take TOO long to understand,                                                    that THEY didn’t grow…..WE SHRUNK!!!

Santa Claws

Santa Claws ALWAYS loved children.                                                               He loved when they sat on his lap,                                                                   and always invited his favorite to lunch                                                     with a snip and a snickety snap!                                                                          He loved them with soup, loved them with rice                                     and sautéed with wine was fun.                                                                           He loved them roasted in gravy and yams                                                      or with mustard and cheese on a bun.

***Happy Christmas!!!  I hope your silly capitalist buying frenzy went swell.  When you’ve gotten your blood sugar back down and finished all your frivolous boxing and returns – and have some extra cash again – pop by our Etsy shop (go to etsy.com and search EEWbooks) for some gifts you’ll never WANT to return.   -Marsha

Nose Hare

You’re welcome to pet him.  Just pet him, I say.                                       He’s never too sticky.  He’s really okay.

He’s just a wee hare, who lives up my nose.                                          SOME people aren’t very keen about those.

I don’t really know, I don’t really care,                                                           how he got in, or from where.

We’re best friends now.  BEST friends I said!                                            And if you don’t like it I’ll rip off your head.

So, go fuck yourself.  Fuck off, I say.                                                                  Just leave us alone.  GO AWAY!!!

Oh…oh my goodness.  You see that?  Wow!                                                   He WANTS you to pet him.  So, PET him…NOW!!!

***Another new one for our Body-Oddies book, which we’re finishing for publication early next year.   -Marsha

Baby Fat

This one is always hungry.                                                                                    That one’s ready to scream.                                                                                  This little one, below, with a rash                                                                            is allergic to diaper cream.                                                                                            I can’t get this one to sleep,                                                                                    but that ones usually sweet.                                                                            Either way, I can’t get a break.                                                                               I’m tired.  I’m hungry.  I’m beat.                                                          Sometimes they’re ALL in a tantrum,
or all have to vomit at once.                                                                                   I’ve got to get rid of this baby fat.                                                                            I don’t think I’ve slept in months.

***A rough sketch and poem for a new new illustrated book, “Body Oddies,” which  we’re finishing up for publication next year.  Find all four of our books and other stuff at our Etsy shop, just follow the links above to our site, www.sallemander.com, or search EEWbooks on Etsy .com.   -Marsha

Badger

CLOWNS ARE REPULSIVE

Knob Noster, Missouri.  There is no doubt that Badger the Clown was an obnoxious, bile-inducing weenie.  That’s not an uncommon talent for a clown.  No, Badger’s unique gift was being repulsive.  I mean, he was impossible to touch – like trying to connect two positive-ended magnets.  No matter how big an object it was or how fast you threw, it veered away from him…uncanny!  He once stood stock still to let John smash a tomato on his head, point blank…and he still missed.  Badger laughed so hard he wet himself (but not a drop touched him).

***Taking another break from posting pages from our NEW book…to post one from our third book, “Bludgeon the Clown,” which is still quite brilliant and can be found, along with all three of our other books and stuff by following the link above to www.sallemander.com or go straight to our Etsy shop and search EEWbooks.   -Marsha

Bladder the Clown

Bladder the Clown had really bad aim,                                                              though he did his best to foil it,                                                                              the bottle of booze he guzzled each day                                                            would give him the shakes and spoil it.                                                            He tried once or twice                                                                                                  to widen his stance                                                                                                       and hold his dick really tight,                                                                                    but doused his shoes                                                                                                      and sprinkled his pants                                                                                                    and still couldn’t hit the toilet.

***We’re breaking all the rules this week by posting a political one.  Yeah!  This one’s political, specially picked for early July.  What…you don’t get it?  That’s okay, its a tricky one.  Leave me an angry comment if you get it.  I hope you didn’t blow your friggin’ hands off playing with fireworks.  This is an image and poem that didn’t make it into “Bludgeon the Clown”…so this is probably the last time you’ll ever see it.  Farewell Bladder.  -Marsha

TommyClown

Tommy the Clown got sliced in half,                                                                      to expose his charm and wit                                                                                       but all I could see as he came apart                                                                    was maggoty chunks of shit. 

***A page from “Marsha Mellow’s Blue-ish Freaks”, the finest example of clown literature ever published in America.   -Marsha