Tag Archives: freaks

Now That He’s Dead

Now that he’s dead we can mess with his shit.                                             We can dance really loud. We can holler and spit.

We can carry him ’round. We can make him look silly,                     dress him up nice in girly-girl frilly.

We can poke out his eyes. We can cut off his nose,                              twist-off and break all his fingers and toes.

Now that he’s dead we can draw on his skin,                                              give him a Clown face – a big stupid grin.

We can hang him outside for the vultures and beetles,                          shave his whole head and poke it with needles.

We can stuff him or shred him or chop him in chunks,                          then cook him and feed him to hobos and drunks.

Now that he’s dead, he’s starting to rot.                                                   Should we bury him now…or not?

But where is the joy? Where’s all the whimsy?                                   There’s plenty to do while the corpse is still flimsy.

And when he goes stiff and gives off a smell,                                              we’ll set him on fire and send him to hell.

He can’t hurt us now. It’s over and done,                                                           so now that he’s dead…..let’s have FUN!!

***This poem and image comprise the title page for ‘Chapter 6: Death,’ in our third book, “Bludgeon the Clown” which you can find by following the link above to www.sallemander.com., or go right to Etsy and search EEWbooks.   -Marsha



The Clowns rose up in anger one day deciding enough was enough.  They poured out into the streets en masse, yelling and juggling stuff. 

They wanted ‘equal rights’, they said, to be ‘taken seriously’. An end to random giggles and leers. They wanted respect, you see. 

Snarling traffic with mini Clown cars, squirtling flowers and ties,  their strike turned into a riot (of sorts) pelting police with pies. 

They overwhelmed the barricades, storming the walls and ditches and made their way up to capital hill, leaving the cops in stitches. 

But as they breached the chamber doors, their smiles turned into frowns, for the senate was already occupied by Idiots, Mimes and Clowns.

I wrote this piece (and John illustrated it) almost two decades ago.  I thought, for sure, things MUST have changed for the better by now…but no.  Anyway, it finally got published in our third book, “Bludgeon the Clown,” which you can find (and buy) following the www.sallemander.com to our Etsy shop (link at the top), or by going to www.etsy.com, search EEWbooks.  -Marsha

Baby Face

I really can’t think of a favorite place                                                                    but I love the idea of flavored space,                                                                     which happens to rhyme with ‘baby face’                                                          like the horrible growth on my cheek.

I like the idea of an ‘open mic’                                                                                  as long as I’m never the Mike.                                                                                 Exposing my guts to a crowd if you like                                                             might make some people freak.

I never accepted an open ‘Hand Shake’                                                               though I don’t mind a hand made cake.                                                              Swallowing fingers is awful to take                                                                        but easy to grasp – so to speak.

But my favorite place is up my nose,  where adorable ‘nose hair’ grows, which is usually better than ‘smelly toes’  ’cause its cute and fuzzy and chic.

***Lets take a little break from the national disgrace of American elections and corporatized holidays for something light, adorable and wholesome.  This little ditty makes John giggle like a tickled toddler every time he reads it.   He’s done rough sketches of all the ‘Body-Oddies’ it mentions (even though we only used ‘baby face’ for this post), for the new “Body-Oddies” book.  Find our first four books at our EEWbooks Etsy store.  Thanks.  -Marsha

Bludgeon the Clown

***Our third book, “Bludgeon the Clown” is a fully illustrated ‘graphic novel’ which exposes the grizzly details of our nationwide clown conspiracy and cover-up. The material in this book could irrevocably alter life as we know it (for the better)…unless we’re really careful. It’s big, it’s beautiful, and tastes like blue-ish nose crystals dipped in spleen juice, slathered in gooey irony and deep fried to a crispy hubris. Find it at our Etsy shop. Go to www.etsy.com and search EEWbooks.  BUT…even if clowns aren’t your thing, it makes the perfect holiday gift for your most annoying in-laws – or that estranged sibling you only ever argue with on the holidays.  -Marsha 


***Our second book project, “Creepy Clown Coloring Book.”  There’s no short, flash-fiction story for this one, John simply saw these guys hanging out at the blues club on 17th Street one night and did a sketch of them on the spot. Don’t worry, just because its a coloring book doesn’t mean its any less amazing (awful) and beautiful than our other works.  Its a delightful gallery of fantastic images designed to rekindle your fondest nightmares – in a grizzly fender bender down memory lane.  Its only $10. and you can get your own copy by at our Esty shop. Go to www.etsy.com and search EEWbooks. It makes a fabulous holiday gift (even for the people you like).  -Marsha

Blue-ish Freaks

***There’s nothing like a good wholesome (shameless) promotion to hasten the debauchery of our annual holiday buying frenzy in America. We are so proud to present our first book, “Marsha Mellow’s Blue-ish Freaks”, an amazing, hand crafted, fully illustrated collection of bizarre clown rhymes and ditties…completely free of dull, capitalist influence. You can find it at our Etsy shop by searching EEWbooks at www.etsy.com. It makes a fantastic holiday gift for the people you like…as well as your family. -Marsha

Lester the Jester


Lester the Jester threw up his supper,                                                   emerging instead as a fool named Skupper                                                  who gagged on his guts as they spilled from his gob                                      expelling another named Bob,                                                                             who horked up a loogie of phlegm and bile,                                                        appearing at last as a Jester named Lyle                                                               who turned to his mates and stuck out his tongue saying,                         “Better off here… than out Lester’s bung.”

***He ate something funny.  This is from our first book, “Marsha Mellow’s Blue-ish Freaks.”  Buy the book. It will transform your life! Find all our books at our Etsy shop (search EEWbooks), or visit our website (find the link at the top of the page);  www.sallemander.com   -Marsha 

Jonny Bot 5

Jonny Bot 5 got horny and hot                                                                                 for a high fashion mannequin girl (who did NOT!).                              Classy and fine, Jonny loved her a lot,                                                              she turned up her nose…a high minded snot.                                                  He brought wild flow’rs by the bunch, by the pot,                                   tried candy, tried gems, read poems – what ROT!                                      But kindness in turn Jonny 5 never got,                                                           not an ounce, not a peck, not even a jot.                                                       Tried…..and tried ’till his brains were quite shot                                        until finally…Jonny went cold……and forgot.

***This image and poem is from our book, “Bludgeon the Clown” (buy it by following the links, above, to my site www.sallemander.com).  When we met Jonny Bot 5 he was already retired from the department store and well beyond his bad marriage with the mannequin…but was now engaged in a sordid online sex thing with Siri the phone chick…it was…well, lets just say ‘I wish I could un-see some things.’  I think John got some good sketches of them during the interview but our publisher (EEW Books) censored all but this one.   -Marsha


***Our apologies to all our clown friends for this PSA. We should never associate clowns with any kind of politics in America, or equate them with stupid, greedy, selfish, childish and dull people of any kind. It’s not just that we offend one of the most moral, decent and whimsical species on the planet, it’s that if you do it too often, they will find you, kill you, then fuck you and eat you…bones and all! (We’re hoping this disclaimer cleans the slate for us.) -Marsha