Category Archives: Clowns

Spatter The Clown

January 10, 2017 Marsha Mellow Leave a comment

Spatter the Clown was feeling glum. He’d had a really bad day. He lost his job. His car got towed. His wife turned out to be gay. He walked the streets a homeless drunk. “Nobody loves me!” he said. So he stuck a handgun into his ear and blew out the side of his head. That’s when he had a funny thought…..

***This is an image from my newest book, ‘Marsha Mellow’s Creepy Clown Coloring Book’ and a poem from ‘Bludgeon the Clown’ which I am currently preparing for publication in the spring. I’ve often said that this is not a political blog…and this time I really mean it. There is no connection to the recent election of our latest worst president and the state of mind of the electorate…not political. -Marsha

Clowns, Flash Fiction

Second Skin

January 3, 2017 Marsha Mellow Leave a comment

Mick was always an awkward fellow. He tried to be a regular dude like everybody else but it never really felt right. He did his best to dress normal, he had an average haircut, dated respectable girls…even got a boring middle management job in a large corporation, just as everybody expected, still, Mick was never quite comfortable. He had the constant urge to break out of the box, jump up and sing, to run about, dancing with joy to be free. He struggled with it every day…and sometimes he slipped; He would catch himself about to smear his face with lipstick and crack lewd jokes – or smash his bosses face down into the banana cream pie he accidentally brought to work – or pull out the condiment bottles he had in his trouser pockets (for some strange reason) and paste everyone in the board room with goopy ketchup and mustard. Worse, some days he would get all the way to work and realize he’d worn one striped sock and one plaid sock (weird). And every day it just got harder and harder to fight the urge to shred his dull grey business suit, to peel off his own mundane skin and release the amazing, passionate (spectacular) monster that was trapped inside…..and one day, when he no longer had a reason not to…he did just that.

***The first post of 2017. Peel away all the crap and crud and wash off the slime of last year so you can be clear headed and ready for the clusterfuck that’s coming. The image above was adapted from an Analog Mag. spread John did in 2013.

Clowns

Fritz The Clown

December 27, 2016 Marsha Mellow Leave a comment

There once was a clown named Fritz with a festering face full of zits. They filled up with goo ’till they finally blew in a gush of putrefied bits.

For my last post of the year, this one jumped right out at me as the perfect image to exemplify 2016. Happy New Year. -Marsha

Clowns, Flash Fiction

Winter Weather Advisory

December 20, 2016 Marsha Mellow Leave a comment

It was June and sunny. The first sunny day he’d seen in months. Standing atop a 60 foot snow drift, Santa surveyed the landscape of Death Valley, Nevada. This was no way to spend his vacation. Where were the buzzards and the fire ants? Where were the salt flats and sand dunes? This place looked too much like home this year…how awful!

Well, what did he expect? This is where things like consumerism, waste, greed and stupidity get you – and he had to admit, he played his part. Ever since they hired him to sell capitalism to the huddled masses, back in the 30’s and 40’s…..a snowpocalypse was inevitable. Mother Nature swings like a sassy pendulum, knocking the idiots aside with the good ones. Maybe the random survivors will come through smarter and better this time…but he doubted it. Oh well, he still had to find sunscreen for Mrs. Clause or she’d have his head.

He got back into his sleigh and flew off in search of a frozen supermarket, hoping the looters left some Twinkies…or some milk duds…

THE SANTA (an excerpt from ‘Bludgeon the Clown’) Possibly the best known clown of all and the greatest Christian icon in history. Santa is the hardest fellow to meet. When I flew to the North Pole for an interview I found nothing there but a giant peppermint flavored pole…and simply planning to intercept his holiday flight got me a visit from Homeland Security (again). Frankly, I couldn’t confirm he existed at all (I was crushed). Yet somehow, he still manages to deliver the most fabulous gifts, each year, to the most affluent (undeserving) children in the world…..maybe its just as well I didn’t find this clown. -Marsha

Clowns

Stigma The Clown

November 22, 2016 Marsha Mellow Leave a comment

Stigma the Clown was a master of wit. His gift was ‘the awkward and creepy’. On the corner, at night, he’d stand (or he’d sit) upsetting the neighborhood deeply.

He wasn’t a violent, dangerous bloke, never groped or ran about naked, was never obnoxious or rude when he spoke but some people just couldn’t take it.

Just stood on the corner, creepy and proud, toying with people’s prejudice. A few of us ‘got it’ and laughed out loud but everyone else was incredulous.

“He’s a leech! He’s a thief!! He’s disturbing the peace!” “He’s exposing our kids to his DICK!!!” And once they started to call the police, things got really bad…quick.

“YOU should stay in your OWN neighborhood!” “Your kind aren’t welcome here!” And they chased him down and shot him, for good out of bigotry, hatred and fear.

Stigma continued his terrorist reign form St. Patties’ Day to Thanksgiving. Wherever he went they reacted the same, ’cause this is the ‘Merica we live in.

***I wrote this lovely little ditty to commemorate ‘The Great Clown Scare of 2016’ while John and I were at the Scranton Comic Con this weekend. We had an amazing time – as we always do. Another successful show with our two new books and orig. art prints. Now I get to hibernate for the winter while we finish our next book, “Bludgeon The Clown”. EEW Books plans to publish it in time for the spring Comic Con season. Happy Thanksgiving. -Marsha

Clowns

Red State Blue State

November 8, 2016 Marsha Mellow Leave a comment

Democrat? Republican? Who can fuckin’ tell? Red state, Blue state? Die and go to Hell! Argue ’bout it all you want, knock each other out. ‘Right-Left’ bullshit ain’t what its about.

***”We must remember that when we choose the lesser of two evils, we still choose evil” (-Hannah Arendt). I won’t vote for evil… for neither the corporate Democrat, nor the corporate Republican. All the fear mongering, doom and gloom they project to insure our compliance in their bankrupt system is already a reality. Pull your head out of your ass, we live in a broken society. We owe it to those who come after us to do more than just vote ‘D’ or ‘R’ like “Good Germans”. We owe it to them to get off our lazy asses and resist the corporate state. Vote your conscience…and then get out, join a movement and rebel. -Marsha Mellow

Clowns, Flash Fiction

Making “Speech”

October 11, 2016 Marsha Mellow Leave a comment

Oh no! What are they doing? Are they going to talk now or…? Oh god! They’re about to make…..”SPEECH!” Oh, eeeeeew, its all over the podium, it even smells like speech.

Every time these political types get up in front of people, they speech and they speech and they speech, incessantly. Its the worst, the nastiest – sloppiest speech you ever heard. Like a big steaming pile of drunken speech stumbling about, speeching its filth everywhere.

Oh well, I guess its a sign of the times…but just look at the crowd gathering, its sickening – and they love it. Ooooh, now they’re spraying the stage with raw speech, projecting hot, sleazy speech all over everybody…..as they bath in it with relish. Oh, the humanity! And no matter how I try to avoid it, I end up covered in it too. It spatters my shoes, my clothes and gushes painfully from my ears.

I thought it might be different this time around. I thought we all might have a good healthy discussion like civilized people…..but all we got is more “speech”.

***Was that another clusterfuck debate on Sunday? Is there ANY intelligent person willing to vote for one of those two assholes? My god…we are soooooo screwed….. Meanwhile, Our image is from our wonderful new coloring book, which you can buy on our EEWbooks Etsy store/site. Here’s the link… https://www.etsy.com/shop/EEWbooks?ref=hdr_shop_menu -Marsha

Clowns

Trousers and Clot

October 4, 2016 Marsha Mellow Leave a comment

I once saw a Clown named Trousers swallow a Juggler named Clot, who didn’t quite like being swallowed (it was smelly inside and hot). So he kicked and hollered and squirmed and shoved and pushed and punched and swore, ’till poor old Trousers burst at the seams dropping Clot (and his guts) on the floor.

***This one has a special political message…which I’m going to share with you in just one moment…..hang on…its coming, just stay right there and wait a bit………. Meanwhile, we had a successful show this weekend up near Syracuse NY (a 5 hour drive because john drives like a little old lady). Scare-A-Con 2016 was an amazing time, full of really amazing people – staff, fellow vendors and especially patrons. Our next event will be the ‘Indy Author’s Day’ at the Montclair NJ library this coming Saturday, October 8th from 11am to 5pm. We will be selling books while being entertained by readings, panels and lectures. It is free to the public, so stop by if you’re in the area. -Marsha

Clowns, Flash Fiction

Willy Pete

September 20, 2016 Marsha Mellow Leave a comment

Willy Pete was the smartest person he knew. He was thinking all the time. He had little else to do in his crate – yes, Willy lived with several other smart fellows like him – in a crate, in a warehouse. For their first few years they were moved around a lot. They were transported from warehouse to warehouse, in different parts of the world, sometimes by truck or by ship or by cargo plane. Willy could always tell where they were by the air pressure, humidity, altitude, motion… because he was REALLY smart. Eventually, he and his fellows were let out of their crate and clamped under the wing of an airplane.

Willy Pete loved flying from the moment they took off. He loved the speed, the wind in his face and that he could finally see everything in the wider world – rivers, mountains, fields and forests…and all of it made him even smarter. They flew for hours and hours and every moment was wonderful.

They careened mere feet above the ocean waves, steered wildly through desert canyons and between tall buildings – then angled upward and climbed so high above the clouds that he could almost touch outer space……But as they dropped back down toward the city below, Willy received a signal which armed him for what he realized was his true purpose. The wing clamps released, his cameras and control fins activated and a pilot, half way around the world, took control and guided him toward his target.

Willy thought feverishly, knowing he had just seconds left (that apartment building was getting huge, fast) wondering why he was released. He trusted…he HOPED he would serve a noble purpose. He yearned for the chance that his death might have meaning…perhaps to save the world?

But as he crashed through a kitchen window, plowing through furniture, appliances and toys, he saw the startled look on the faces of several people gathered for an evening meal – and counted no less than six children around the table – as he explo………

***Exploded…..I think it meant to say, “exploded” before the transmission ended. -Marsha

Clowns, Flash Fiction

Gob the Clown

September 6, 2016 Marsha Mellow Leave a comment

Spartacus Spittle woke up the moment he hit the wall. What should have hurt like hell, only exhilarated him as he gasped his first breath and his first gooey thought shat through his brain bubbles. His brand new eyes popped open in time to spot his birth father tromping away in floppy, oversized shoes, a bright orange wig and a baggy, polka dotted jumpsuit. Spartacus felt a wave of affection wash down his still unformed leg jizzle.

The impact with the wall spattered most of his foamy mass of phlegm in an impressive spread but he was already retracting elastically into a sloppy infant form. Just below him, however, was the spittoon that his father was aiming for as he made his glorious journey, rumbling up from the lungs and simultaneously snorking down from the sinuses, commingling on the birth canal tongue to be fired out of his silly painted gob with a convulsive “HORK!!”

As Spartacus clung to the wall for dear life – lest he fall into the spittoon and die – he felt confident that if he’d inherited his father’s bad aim he would probably miss the pot anyway.

***As much as I’d love to expound on all the fascinating data we’ve compiled on Clown reproduction and birth, I’m even more excited about our new ‘Creepy Clown Coloring Book’, which is where this week’s image comes from. Even better, we’ve just ‘opened’ our Etsy shop where you can find both our new books by searching “EEWbooks”. When I figure out the actual link, I’ll let you know. -Marsha