Chili is good ’cause it holds no surprises,
on this we can all depend;
That it looks and feels the same going in
as it does coming out in the end.
Feeling Better Now
Tag Archives: tattoos
Tommy
Tommy the Clown got sliced in half, to expose his charm and wit, but all I could see as he came apart was maggoty chunks of shit.
***A page from “Marsha Mellow’s Blue-ish Freaks”, the finest example of clown literature ever published in America. -Marsha
Uprising
The Clowns rose up in anger one day deciding enough was enough. They poured out into the streets en masse, yelling and juggling stuff.
They wanted ‘equal rights’, they said, to be ‘taken seriously’. An end to random giggles and leers. They wanted respect, you see.
Snarling traffic with mini Clown cars, squirtling flowers and ties, their strike turned into a riot (of sorts) pelting police with pies.
They overwhelmed the barricades, storming the walls and ditches and made their way up to capital hill, leaving the cops in stitches.
But as they breached the chamber doors, their smiles turned into frowns, for the senate was already occupied by Idiots, Mimes and Clowns.
I wrote this piece (and John illustrated it) almost two decades ago. I thought, for sure, things MUST have changed for the better by now…but no. Anyway, it finally got published in our third book, “Bludgeon the Clown,” which you can find (and buy) following the www.sallemander.com to our Etsy shop (link at the top), or by going to www.etsy.com, search EEWbooks. -Marsha
There Must Be Some Mistake
The atmosphere in the ballroom went positively rancid the moment I walked in. People stopped dancing mid-step. The band struck a sour chord and shambled into silence. Drinks spilled. A waiter dropped a tray of dishes with a loud, lingering clatter. A woman fainted, hitting the floor with a dull thud.
Everyone in the place turned to look at me as if I had two heads. Something was ‘off’ about these people; I just couldn’t put my finger on it.
The groom, looking quite put out, detached himself from his bride and strolled elegantly toward me, the tails of his tuxedo brushing the onlookers as they parted to let him through. He handed me a scrap of paper with the neatly written words: “There must be some mistake” and gestured to a banner over the dais which read: “Congratulations to Headless Charlie and Sue the Body!”
That’s when I realized that it wasn’t my two heads that disturbed them…it was that I was the only freak in the room who had any head at all.
How embarrassing!
***This is from our 4th book, “A Short Burst” a collection of flash science fiction. Most of what you find in this blog is a light dusting of what you’ll find in our books. Follow the links above to www.sallemander.com or go to our Etsy shop at www.etsy.com and search EEWbooks. -Marsha
Gibbet the Clown
***It’s not as much of a “Welcome to 2021!” as it is a “Farewell to 2020.” Happy new year! -Marsha
Baby Face
I really can’t think of a favorite place but I love the idea of flavored space, which happens to rhyme with ‘baby face’ like the horrible growth on my cheek.
I like the idea of an ‘open mic’ as long as I’m never the Mike. Exposing my guts to a crowd if you like might make some people freak.
I never accepted an open ‘Hand Shake’ though I don’t mind a hand made cake. Swallowing fingers is awful to take but easy to grasp – so to speak.
But my favorite place is up my nose, where adorable ‘nose hair’ grows, which is usually better than ‘smelly toes’ ’cause its cute and fuzzy and chic.
***Lets take a little break from the national disgrace of American elections and corporatized holidays for something light, adorable and wholesome. This little ditty makes John giggle like a tickled toddler every time he reads it. He’s done rough sketches of all the ‘Body-Oddies’ it mentions (even though we only used ‘baby face’ for this post), for the new “Body-Oddies” book. Find our first four books at our EEWbooks Etsy store. Thanks. -Marsha
A Short Burst
***Our latest book, “A Short Burst” is 100 pages with 73 short, flash-fiction sci-fi stories and 64 illustrations, most of the art originally published in Analog and Asimov’s Sci-Fi Magazines. It is our 4th book and the best one yet. It makes an excellent holiday gift, even if they don’t like sci-fi. Find it at our Etsy shop at www.etsy.com and search; EEWbooks. -Marsha
Bludgeon the Clown
***Our third book, “Bludgeon the Clown” is a fully illustrated ‘graphic novel’ which exposes the grizzly details of our nationwide clown conspiracy and cover-up. The material in this book could irrevocably alter life as we know it (for the better)…unless we’re really careful. It’s big, it’s beautiful, and tastes like blue-ish nose crystals dipped in spleen juice, slathered in gooey irony and deep fried to a crispy hubris. Find it at our Etsy shop. Go to www.etsy.com and search EEWbooks. BUT…even if clowns aren’t your thing, it makes the perfect holiday gift for your most annoying in-laws – or that estranged sibling you only ever argue with on the holidays. -Marsha
Creepy
***Our second book project, “Creepy Clown Coloring Book.” There’s no short, flash-fiction story for this one, John simply saw these guys hanging out at the blues club on 17th Street one night and did a sketch of them on the spot. Don’t worry, just because its a coloring book doesn’t mean its any less amazing (awful) and beautiful than our other works. Its a delightful gallery of fantastic images designed to rekindle your fondest nightmares – in a grizzly fender bender down memory lane. Its only $10. and you can get your own copy by at our Esty shop. Go to www.etsy.com and search EEWbooks. It makes a fabulous holiday gift (even for the people you like). -Marsha
Blue-ish Freaks
***There’s nothing like a good wholesome (shameless) promotion to hasten the debauchery of our annual holiday buying frenzy in America. We are so proud to present our first book, “Marsha Mellow’s Blue-ish Freaks”, an amazing, hand crafted, fully illustrated collection of bizarre clown rhymes and ditties…completely free of dull, capitalist influence. You can find it at our Etsy shop by searching EEWbooks at www.etsy.com. It makes a fantastic holiday gift for the people you like…as well as your family. -Marsha