Tag Archives: clowns

Potty Mouth

April 11, 2017 Marsha Mellow Leave a comment

Something in the smell wafting from the bathroom told me that things were going badly. The crap being shouted was definitely not appropriate for television. Negotiations had broken down and a strike was well underway. Worse…the strikers were in open revolt, flinging their sacred deposits all over the walls and ceiling. The trust between us was broken. Innocents were soiled, stained and who knew if the scars would ever heal…..but all that was secondary to the fact that…I really had to go. I REALLY had to go — BAD!

Shamefully, in typical corporate fashion, I snuck out to the back yard, found a tree and used it like a primitive monkey. Disgusting. Yes, I found a cheap scab replacement to the striking toilet — but I just couldn’t hold out any longer…ugh! I felt dirty.

I say, give the strikers whatever they demand before this gets any worse and we have a real shit storm on our hands…our shoes… our trousers…..

***Two weekends and two 3-day shows in a row, selling our beautiful clown books and hawking amazing (and tasteful) ‘Poop’ stickers…..boy oh boy, this is the life. If I knew this was going to be so good I’d have quit my old career 10 years ago. John wholeheartedly concurs. But, Now we have a clean stretch of uninterrupted time to finish “Bludgeon the Clown”, hopefully in early May so we can resume our show schedule. -Marsha

Clowns

Poop.

March 28, 2017 Marsha Mellow Leave a comment

A Really Bad Poem

A really bad poem is one without rhyme. It sounds really awkward every single…recitation. (time) It’s meter and beat are uneven and base. Just rhyming won’t do it, it needs a good – bouncy rhythm and a spot-on, neeto-keen…..pace. And don’t forget poets who make up new words, who clutter the page with “scruffulous” turds. A really bad poem just might make you cry. Not like…from “feelings!” but a poke in the eye. Yeah, a really bad poem will poke out you’re eye, will stomp on your toes and might make you…..screech like a howler monkey! (cry) But a really bad poem is funny sometimes if you get past bad meter and horrible rhymes. A really bad poem might just be crap ’cause the person who wrote it’s a horrible chap. You might just not care for their poetic shit and feel like you just want to…..GAG. (spit)

***I’ve paired ‘A Really Bad Poem’ with our new “POOP.” sticker design just in time for our first Comic Con of the year. John and I will have a table (with a load of new orig. art prints and stickers) at the NJ Horror Con and Film Festival, March 31st to April 2nd, in Edison NJ. Find it online at; http://www.newjerseyhorrorcon.com/. Come find us at the show. -Marsha

Clowns, Flash Fiction

Doug the Slug

March 21, 2017 Marsha Mellow Leave a comment

Doug felt sluggish sitting through another mind numbing meeting. Boring people, like him, in boring suits, like his, sat around the conference room table giving boring briefs on their departments. Doug’s section had nothing to report, he was only there to fill his boss’ seat while he was off golfing. They droned on and on like lazy bees; “Turn to page 68 and review diagram 123g…” and “good news in marketing assessment accounts payable, see the bar graph in addendum 6…” and Doug was too hyped up on caffeine to fall asleep like Bob from Legal.

Then…..he had a funny feeling. Not a laugh out loud feeling – a strange, funny feeling…and the last thing he heard before it all went sideways was another inane comment from Alice, the CFO; “…and sales were sluggish again last week…” and POW!!

A drip formed on the tip of Doug’s nose and slid off onto his tie, which he noticed was already flowing like liquid into his lap. He watched as his fingers dissolved into sludge and his hands turn to pulp. He felt his hair and eyebrows melt, his skin go flubbery and sag and finally his whole head collapse into an eggy mess down his torso before everything sploshed down into a viscous puddle of goo around his shoes (which didn’t take part in the transformation for some reason).

Funny thing is, he doubted that anybody in the meeting even noticed what had happened. Perhaps everyone there was melting like him…but he doubted it…he could still hear Alice droning and Bob snoring.

***I think melting in meetings was the best part of working in corporate America, surpassed only by exploding like a hamster in a microwave just to see the mess all over everybody’s boring suit. Happy Spring everybody. -Marsha

Clowns, fragment

Liam the Clown

March 7, 2017 Marsha Mellow Leave a comment

There once was a clown named Liam, so small it was hard to see ‘im ’till I stomped him flat with a colorful splatt. Now, I wouldn’t want to be ‘im.

***We posted this one ’cause it was an easy one as we prepare our new book for publication. ‘Bludgeon the Clown’ will (hopefully) be out by May 1st and we’re working around the clock to finish it. This image is from our ‘Creepy Clown Coloring Book’…but we posted another version back on Jan. 12th 2016. I’m not a big fan of John’s work but I really like this one…it makes me hungry for seven layer nacho dip. -Marsha

Clowns

Suspected Clowns

February 28, 2017 Marsha Mellow Leave a comment

Skippy the Jester came with a grunt. Leopold came with a smile. Pat came juggling big squishy balls in a highly provocative style.

Montalban came in his polka dots. Willy came wearing a dress. Mimsy came bouncing and shaking in white but left an absolute mess.

Timothy came in a Santa suit. Bob came dressed as a cop, shoving his night stick in everyone’s face and no one could make him stop.

Bill the Mime came with Sissy the Clown. Do they come any weirder?…..Please! But when the guy with the camera came, they all came in close and said: “CHEESE!!”

***This post was originally published back in June last year…but I did a reuse because John read this poem, along with two others, at the art opening on Saturday (I was too nervous to do it). The show, ‘Art & Poetry HA HA!’ at The Rectangle Gallery was fantastic and very funny. It was a poetry reading followed by a reception for the visual art show – the kind of show that could change the mind of any poetry hater. All the art was great and we got to meet a few of the other artists. We really should do more of them. There are pictures posted up at www.therectanglestudio.com. -Marsha

Clowns

Art & Poetry HAHA!

February 21, 2017 Marsha Mellow Leave a comment

tepid-the-clown-37

Tepid the Clown had really bad gas. He made ’em strong, and made ’em to last. He could fly around town propelled by his ass, could leap a tall building with just one blast.

But ran out of luck with a wet squirty one and at ten thousand feet he was done and hit the street like a jelly-filled bun but, by golly! Wasn’t that fun?!!

***I may have posted this one last year but here is again…see, the darndest thing happened recently when the owners of The Rectangle Studio & Gallery invited us to be part of their inaugural ‘Art and Poetry HAHA!’ show. I figured they must be crazy people if they liked John’s horrible clown illustrations…but John will be reading a piece or two of My work too, so they obviously have good taste. The show is on Saturday, Feb. 25th at The Rectangle Studio & Gallery, 540A Freeman St., Orange, NJ 07050. Open mike is at 6:30p (RSVP only) and open house is from 7:30p to 10p with froo-froo wine and snacks. Find it online at http://www.therectanglestudio.com/. -Marsha

body-oddies, Flash Fiction, fragment

Foot In Mouth

February 14, 2017 Marsha Mellow Leave a comment

I woke up this morning feeling disheveled. I must have tossed and turned all night and tied myself into a knot, because when I woke up I fell out of bed…tied in a knot. I didn’t know I could do that…and survive. Worse than that, when I finally got myself untangled, I realized I had a foot where my hand used to be, my tongue was attached to an elbow and my hair had migrated down my back to my buttocks. One of my hands had switched places with my wiener and one was dangling from an armpit but for the life of me, I could not find my other foot. I wasn’t in any pain but the sight of it all made me want to scream…..except, when I opened my mouth…well, that’s when I discovered where my other foot had gone…

***This exact thing never actually happened to ME…but something resembling the ‘foot in mouth’ part definitely happened to the last loser who tried to pick me up in a bar, which…come to think of it, happened a few years ago on this same minor holiday celebrating the Marquis de Sade or something…..Valentine’s, whatever! We’re too busy finishing our new book (‘Bludgeon the Clown’) to worry about it right now. -Marsha

Clowns, Flash Fiction

Zebulon the Wizard

February 6, 2017 Marsha Mellow Leave a comment

Zebulon The Wizard

Piscataway, NJ. Zebulon the Wizard (formerly Joey the Clown) was about as common as clowns come…but with a knack for burgling. He was the best: clever, adaptable, insightful – qualities still highly regarded by the clown community. Once a petty thief, Joey changed his stars by stealing a magical Christian spell book from a secret Vatican warehouse. With the recipes in his new book, he was able to build a ‘time cauldron’ through which he could reach forward – or back – in time and steal more stuff…..better stuff.

Zebulon let me use his cauldron a few times to document some of the great historic clowns from the deep, dark, misty past. Its how we know so much about Saint George the Clown (from 299 A.D.) and Barge the Giant (circa 1330). Zeb got me a Tubakazoo for Christmas last year, its a popular folk instrument from the year 2232. It makes a (terrible) whining wheeze like the sound of a horse being strangled…while gently farting (I got him that red wizard costume).

***”Zebulon” is a page that just got cut from the latest draft of my new book ‘Bludgeon the Clown.’ I’ve trimmed it down from 186 pages to 100, so I can keep production costs low enough to sell it to real people. I hope to have it published and ready to bring to Comic Cons in the spring. John and I thought it would be harder to cut our own beloved writing and art out…..turns out there was a lot of crap and fluff and redundancy in the older drafts. The new book is better now and Zebulon will work better in a different project. The image was originally a commission for a 2 page spread for an issue of Analog Magazine. -Marsha

Clowns

Monster Truck

January 31, 2017 Marsha Mellow Leave a comment

Flippy the Clown drives a truck. What a big ugly mean stupid fuck!?! He tools around town running poor people down ’till his tires are pasted with muck.

***Oh damn!!! I had a scathing political piece to share this week about our new worst president, ever…but John didn’t have a decent image of a train wreck for me to use, so I had to settle for this. Never mind, this one is a page from my new “Creepy Clown Coloring Book.” You can find it (and buy it) on Etsy, just follow the link to our website above. Thanks. -Marsha

body-oddies, Flash Fiction, fragment

Splitting Headache

January 24, 2017 Marsha Mellow Leave a comment

Hey!… Do you remember that thing? You know…that THING?? Oh, you remember. We saw it the other day when we were doing the other thing…..what’s-is face was there. Oh, you know who I mean, the one from… oh gosh…from over yonder with the thing-ummy-thing on his who’s-is-what’s-it?…And we laughed and laughed about it the whole time? But he wasn’t so amused. He took the issue up with…oh, you know who, the one at the place…..um, the place right next door to the other MAIN place? And she went totally ballistic about everything, especially that one thing…..but not the thing I’m talking about. I meant the OTHER thing. Yeah! The thing with the thing-a-ma-jig…Yes!!! You know the thing! UGH!!! I seem to forget EVERY thing…but I definitely remember THAT!

***This conversation isn’t all that unusual. It happens more often than I’d care to admit. What amazes me is how often we completely understand each other whenever we do…..whoever it is. -Marsha