Category Archives: Flash Fiction

Persistently Inedible

Persistently Inedible  (resisting the inevitable)

They came for me in the dead of night, grabbed me and forced a sack over my head.  I was taken to an undisclosed location, locked in a room with nothing but a table and chair.  A plate of food was set in front of me.  Weird.  They told me I could leave… but only if I finished everything on my plate.  I was not hungry.

I tried to reason with them.  I ranted and raged and pounded my fists in a heroic hissy fit., I even begged…but they ignored me and by then, hours later, I was getting hungry.

The plate of food was still sitting there but I didn’t recognize anything on it.  It must have been some kind of exotic vegetables.  It didn’t smell good.  I resisted.

A few hours later I was famished.  I took a closer look.  maybe it wouldn’t be so bad, but just then, something twitched.  I squeemed with the heebie-jeebies…and looking again, I could swear it was breathing.  I thought I’d puke but had nothing to give…that’s when it all started to stir and writhe and become agitated.  It was REALLY weird (but I was sooooooo hungry now).

I grabbed a piece off the plate, wrestled it into my mouth and down my throat.  It resisted, kicking and screaming all the way down.  That’s when I puked…but as it limped away angrily, I caught it again and RE-ate it.  In fact, I managed to round up every single piece of those awful, jabbering bits of freakish vegetable…and I must say, it was the best meal I’d had in ages.  In fact, I was  looking and feeling much more like my old self again.  Man!  Best Thanksgiving EVER!!!  end.

***Another image and story slated to be published in our 4th book, “A Short Burst”…a collection of flash science fiction, illustrated.  Find our first 3 illustrated books at www.sallemander.com.

Little Red Button

Little Red Button

I regained consciousness choking on a thick, salty liquid pooling in my open mouth.  I sputtered and spat, gasping for air…..it wasn’t my blood.  I gagged.  My right hand hurt.

I was pinned under a dozen heavy corpses, amid heaps of dismembered limbs and chunks of steaming flesh, saturated in a rising sludge of dark, viscous fluid as it oozed from them.  It smelled of piss and sweat and…even I shat myself when the combat droids opened fire on our peaceful protest.  Memories were coming back, but I couldn’t recall why my right hand ached.

In a sobbing panic I pushed and wriggled and twisted free, but as I met the open air, I was horrified at the sight of a combat droid a few feet away.  I ducked back down for cover.  It was staring at me with a flame thrower aimed at my head…..it had smoke billowing from under it’s helmet…dead.  I rose up again to see the whole ragged line of them, frozen in place as they were, rolling over piles of the fallen, executing survivors.

Nothing moved now.  Everything was silent but the rush of intense flames and the sizzle and pop of meat and bones on the fringes of Union Square.  There were no lights, no cars, no subways rumbling…as if someone had detonated an electromagnetic pulse, frying everything electronic within it’s blast radius.  It was a strange thought to have at that moment, along with the nagging pain in my right hand.  Well, an E.M. pulse would have been too little too late considering the carnage surrounding me…tens of thousands lay dead.

I suddenly remembered that…we had won.  We had all the evidence and finally convinced their police

to stand down and stay out of the way.  Now there was a dead cop ten feet from me.  He had no head, but at least he finally looked human.

We brought no weapons, we had no desire to kill, or even to fight them, and we expected them – the rich and powerful – to pull something desperate as we marched downtown to arrest them.  But we had the numbers and a trick or two up our own sleeves…we had inside information on their worldwide data centers, where the core of their wealth was…and we had a pile of stolen government E.M. devices in position…

I lifted my throbbing right hand to find it clenched in a hard, painful fist.  When the military combat droids rolled out, surrounding us, I was terrified.  I froze.  And when they opened fire without warning,  bodies were ripped and shredded, throwing them backward in pieces, burying me alive, unconscious, but, wasn’t I the one holding the trigger?

I opened my searing right fist to find the radio detonator, my thumb still pressing the little red button on the end.  I didn’t realize…I never actually intended to…I bent and vomited.  Many more would die now, but as I looked around again, well…we were already doing that.  end.

***This is a new short story for an old illustration…soon to be published in our fourth book, “A Short Burst” a collection of flash science fiction – with illustrations.  With only a few exceptions, the illustrations were all previously published in Analog and Asimov’s sci-fi Magazines and used as writing prompts for new stories   Find our books at www.sallemander.com.   -Marsha

 

Foreheads

foreheads-62 

Mulberry Jelly sat on the edge of the stage covered in sticky egg juice and rotten vegetable pulp.  He couldn’t figure out what the crowd hated more, his cliché street-rapper name or the combination-spoken word/death metal version of “I’m a little tea pot” he was performing before the riot broke out.  One thing he knew for sure;  His brilliant career in show biz was over before it started…again.  The same thing happened last week when he tried a blues/ballet combo of “Freak” in front of the local Middle School Talent Show Fundraiser.  He refused to accept his Mom’s advice to study dentistry or go into his sticky Uncle Morty’s carpet cleaning business.  Who were they to call him a talentless hack?  No!  He would go on!  He would make Mulberry Jelly a household name and prove to the world… Aw hell!  Who was he kidding?  The only reason people showed up to these things was to gawk at him for the bizarre growth on his…..

 

***This artwork, which is only a red rough here, has been finished to a final render and is ready to be published in our “Body-Oddies” book…and it’s waaay cooler than what’s posted here, but you’ll probably never see it unless you get the book.  I really only post roughs and older work online (and only a small percentage of the pages of my books).  I save the best stuff for the books, so if you like the crap I let you see here, consider getting one of my books.  It IS how I make my living.  I have 3 books out so far and 2 more coming this year.  There are links above or you can find them on Etsy and Amazon (search EEW books)…’they make excellent gifts.’   -Marsha

Second Skin

second-skin-66 

Mick was always an awkward fellow. He tried to be a regular dude like everybody else but it never really felt right.  He did his best to dress normal, he had an average haircut, dated respectable girls…even got a boring middle management job in a large corporation, just as everybody expected, still, Mick was never quite comfortable.  He had the constant urge to break out of the box, jump up and sing, to run about, dancing with joy to be free.  He struggled with it every day…and sometimes he slipped;  He would catch himself about to smear his face with lipstick and crack lewd jokes – or smash his bosses face down into the banana cream pie he accidentally brought to work – or pull out the condiment bottles he had in his trouser pockets (for some strange reason) and paste everyone in the board room with goopy ketchup and mustard.  Worse, some days he would get all the way to work and realize he’d worn one striped sock and one plaid sock (weird).  And every day it just got harder and harder to fight the urge to shred his dull grey business suit, to peel off his own mundane skin and release the amazing, passionate (spectacular) monster that was trapped inside…..and one day, when he no longer had a reason not to…he did just that.

***The first post of 2019.  Scrape off all the crap and the crud and wash away the slime of last year so you can be clear headed and ready for the clusterfuck that’s coming.  The image above was adapted from an Analog Magazine spread John did in 2013…then used as the BIO page illustration in our 3rd book,”Bludgeon the Clown” for EEW Books.  Find our books at www.sallemander.com.   -Marsha

Winter Weather Advisory

thesanta-64It was June and sunny.  The first sunny day he’d seen in months.  Standing atop a 60 foot snow drift, Santa surveyed the landscape of Death Valley, Nevada. This was no way to spend his vacation.  Where were the buzzards and the fire ants?  Where were the salt flats and sand dunes?  This place looked too much like home this year…how awful!

Well, what did he expect?  This is where things like consumerism, waste, greed and stupidity get you – and he had to admit, he played his part.  Ever since they hired him to sell capitalism to the huddled masses, back in the 30’s and 40’s…..a snowpocalypse was inevitable.  Mother Nature swings like a sassy pendulum, knocking the idiots aside with the good ones.  Maybe the random survivors will come through smarter and better this time…but he doubted it.  Oh well, he still had to find sunscreen for Mrs. Clause or she’d have his head.

He got back into his sleigh and flew off in search of a frozen supermarket, hoping the looters left some Twinkies…or some milk duds…

THE SANTA: Arguably the greatest Christian icon in history, he is also the hardest fellow to meet.  When I flew to the North Pole for an interview I found nothing there but a giant peppermint flavored pole…and simply planning to intercept his holiday flight got me an angry visit from Homeland Security (again). Frankly, I couldn’t confirm he existed at all (I was crushed).  Yet somehow, he still manages to deliver the most fabulous gifts, each year, to the most affluent and entitled children in the world, (poor children are obviously “BAD”)…..maybe its just as well I didn’t meet this clown.  -Marsha

Doug the Slug

Doug the Slug-77 

Doug felt sluggish sitting through another mind numbing meeting.  Boring people – like him, in boring suits – like his, sat around the conference room table giving boring briefs on their departments.  Doug’s section had nothing to report, he was only there to fill his boss’ seat while he was off golfing.  They droned on and on like lazy bees;  “Turn to page 68 and review diagram 123g…” and “good news in marketing assessment accounts payable, see the bar graph in addendum 6…” and Doug was too hyped up on caffeine to fall asleep like Bob from Legal.

Then…..he had a funny feeling.  Not a laugh out loud feeling – a strange, funny feeling…and the last thing he heard before it all went sideways was another inane comment from Alice, the CFO;  “…and sales were sluggish again last week…” and POW!!

A drip formed on the tip of Doug’s nose and slid off onto his tie, which he noticed was already flowing like liquid into his lap.  He watched as his fingers dissolved into sludge and his hands turn to pulp.  He felt his hair and eyebrows melt, his skin go flubbery and sag and finally his whole head collapse into an eggy mess down his torso before everything sploshed down into a viscous puddle of goo around his shoes (which didn’t take part in the transformation for some reason).

Funny thing is, he doubted that anybody in the meeting even noticed what had happened.  Perhaps everyone there was melting like him…but he doubted it…he could still hear Alice droning and Bob snoring.

***I think melting in meetings was the best part of working in corporate America, surpassed only by exploding like a hamster in a microwave, just to see the mess all over everybody’s boring suits.  This image is from our book, “Bludgeon the Clown” which you can find, with all our books, at www.sallemander.com  -Marsha  

Slack Jaw

slackjaw-50     Father Rodriguez Domingo Emanuel Castillo stood on the dais before his congregation at Sunday mass, slack jawed and silent – as if in a trance. Everyone was (respectfully) baffled as he committed his minor, weekly spectacle.  Intense prayers hissed through humid air, a mumbled chanting, eyes lolling, bodies swaying, swooning and barfing in awe as his lips and cheeks slackened and the agonizing minutes passed.  A thick silence fell as  his melting jaw splashed into a dribbley puddle at their feet.  Nobody moved or said anything… everyone just stared, stupidly…because it must be a miracle… right?

***I love religion, such a rich source of popular entertainment, so irrational and blind.  Someday, humans may become civilized enough to remember it fondly…like wearing diapers and learning to eat with a fork…if we survive the religion of Capitalism.  Meanwhile, you can find our books at www.sallemander.com.  Next weekend we will be at Philcon, The Philadelphia Sci-fi convention.  Come find us under the EEW Books banner.    -Marsha

Making Speech

making-speech-54      Oh no!  What are they doing?  Are they going to talk now or…?   Oh god!  They’re about to make…..”SPEECH!”  Oh, eeeeeew, its all over the podium, it even smells like speech.

Every time these political types get up in front of people, they speech and they speech and they speech, incessantly.  Its the worst, the nastiest – sloppiest speech you ever heard.  Like a big steaming pile of drunken speech stumbling about, speeching its filth everywhere.

Oh well, I guess its a sign of the times…but just look at the crowd gathering, its sickening – and they love it.  Ooooh, now they’re spraying the stage with raw speech, projecting hot, sleazy speech all over everybody…..as they bath in it with relish.  Oh, the humanity!  And no matter how I try to avoid it, I end up covered in it too.  It spatters my shoes, my clothes and gushes painfully from my ears.

I thought it might be different this time around.  I thought we all might have a good healthy discussion like civilized people…..but all we got is more “speech”.

***Was that another clusterfuck debate?  Is there ANY intelligent person willing to vote for one of those assholes?  My god…we are soooooo screwed…..  Meanwhile, this image is from our wonderful coloring book, which you can buy on our EEWbooks Etsy store/site, OR just use the link above to: www.sallemander.com   -Marsha

Open Mike

open-mike-63 Mike stood on stage in the spotlight…..terrified. But, something about it seemed to be working for him.  They probably found his trembling voice charming as he spoke sincerely about his life…his completely bizarre, absolutely strange, totally unlikely life…and the cynical way it came across.  The crowd laughed at the tragic death of his wife in a mundane laundry incident.  They howled at how the wind blew her ashes into everybody’s mouth at the funeral.   And the five-day-old lasagna in a broken fridge, causing a vivid conversation with Lucifer, left them in stitches.  Every word he spoke, every glib anecdote, felt like a hole being ripped open in his soul, allowing his demons to spill out – only to be consumed and obliterated in the laughter of the audience…and when it was over…Mike stood open and bloody and spent and…..completely relieved.  It was better than therapy, better than liquor or sex or CHOCOLATE.  And he walked off stage to a standing ovation feeling light as a feather.

***This post is an illustration from our ‘Body-Oddies’ book project and is available as an original art print at the Conventions and Book Fests we attend.  The book is not scheduled for publication until 2019.  You can, however, find our 3 current books at www.sallemander.com or search ‘EEW Books’ at Etsy.com and Amazon.com.  The holidays are coming.  They make a great gift.  -Marsha 

Splitting Headache

Splitting Headache-69 

Hey!… Do you remember that thing? You know…that THING??  Oh, you remember.  We saw it the other day when we were doing the other thing…..what’s-is face was there.  Oh, you know who I mean, the one from… oh gosh…from over yonder with the thing-ummy-thing on his who’s-is-what’s-it?…And we laughed and laughed about it the whole time?  But he wasn’t so amused.  He took the issue up with…oh, you know who, the one at the place…..um, the place right next door to the other MAIN place?  And she went totally ballistic about everything, especially that one thing…..but not the thing I’m talking about.  I meant the OTHER thing.  Yeah!  The thing with the thing-a-ma-jig…Yes!!!  You know the thing!  UGH!!!  I seem to forget EVERY thing…but I definitely remember THAT!

***This conversation isn’t all that unusual. It happens more often than I’d care to admit.  What amazes me is how often we completely understand each other whenever we do…..whoever it is.  -Marsha