Benjamin Young almost never appeared, though his stand-up routines were revered. The tongue in his cheek made him seem like a freak, and that was a little too weird.
***Two final versions of this sketch were done for use in our new book, “Body-Oddies,” one is the cover. This one, however, is only a clean-up of the original rough sketch and was not used in the book, and the publisher won’t let us post the good ones on social media, so we’re stuck posting rough sketches and shitty rejects. Only the BEST work goes into all our books. Find our first four books at our Etsy shop. Go to www.etsy.com and search EEWbooks. -Marsha
Herbert had been prone to rashes since he was a kid. He caught them all, like a rash magnet…it was inexplicable. He had at least three rashes on any given day of his life. As a sickly nerd, he never had friends…..so how the heck did he get chicken pox? He never had sex, so where did he get crabs? Hell, he had rashes no one ever heard of. He was a spotty, itchy, miserable pariah (though he was a delight to his dermatologist).
Anyway, when the ‘Speckles’ showed up, Herbert was neither surprised nor alarmed…but when they became an infestation, weird stuff started happening. All his old rashes now had a rash of their own. The Speckles definitely did not respect other rashes’ turf. His chicken pox grew feathers and beaks, his goose bumps grew long necks and started nipping and spitting at other rashes and his scarlet fever?…WOW!… well…lets just say that when she reached puberty…things got REALLY awkward.
The Speckles went on to occupy every inch of Herbert and ousted all his other rashes – which would have been good except that each Speckle became enormous, grew a face and took on a personality of its own. They started talking amongst themselves – argued with each other constantly (about religion and politics, ugh!) and sang bawdy songs at all hours. It made things quite uncomfortable for Herbert, though not as bad as the realization that they’d become stronger, smarter and cooler than him. It wasn’t long before Herbert diminished completely into the shadow of his own brilliant speculations…
***Oh, how this reminds me of my teenage years…though my speckles were quite amiable and we were all into the same music. My new book, “Body-Oddies” is finally done and ready for the printer. Meanwhile, we DO have four other books for sale…find them at www.etsy.com and search EEWbooks. -Marsha
Go sports! Go sports! Rah–rah–rah! Kick the bishop in the shorts, sis–boom–bah!
***This was the original rough sketch for an illustration in our “Body-Oddies” project. I keep coming back to some roughs like this, even after I’ve already done a new, fully rendered version, because I simply like them better. The raw work just hits the mark sometimes. -John
The atmosphere in the ballroom went positively rancid the moment I walked in. People stopped dancing mid-step. The band struck a sour chord and shambled into silence. Drinks spilled. A waiter dropped a tray of dishes with a loud, lingering clatter. A woman fainted, hitting the floor with a dull thud.
Everyone in the place turned to look at me as if I had two heads. Something was ‘off’ about these people; I just couldn’t put my finger on it.
The groom, looking quite put out, detached himself from his bride and strolled elegantly toward me, the tails of his tuxedo brushing the onlookers as they parted to let him through. He handed me a scrap of paper with the neatly written words: “There must be some mistake” and gestured to a banner over the dais which read: “Congratulations to Headless Charlie and Sue the Body!”
That’s when I realized that it wasn’t my two heads that disturbed them…it was that I was the only freak in the room who had any head at all.
How embarrassing!
***This is from our 4th book, “A Short Burst” a collection of flash science fiction. Most of what you find in this blog is a light dusting of what you’ll find in our books. Follow the links above to www.sallemander.com or go to our Etsy shop at www.etsy.com and search EEWbooks. -Marsha
I really can’t think of a favorite place but I love the idea of flavored space, which happens to rhyme with ‘baby face’ like the horrible growth on my cheek.
I like the idea of an ‘open mic’ as long as I’m never the Mike. Exposing my guts to a crowd if you like might make some people freak.
I never accepted an open ‘Hand Shake’ though I don’t mind a hand made cake. Swallowing fingers is awful to take but easy to grasp – so to speak.
But my favorite place is up my nose, where adorable ‘nose hair’ grows, which is usually better than ‘smelly toes’ ’cause its cute and fuzzy and chic.
***Lets take a little break from the national disgrace of American elections and corporatized holidays for something light, adorable and wholesome. This little ditty makes John giggle like a tickled toddler every time he reads it. He’s done rough sketches of all the ‘Body-Oddies’ it mentions (even though we only used ‘baby face’ for this post), for the new “Body-Oddies” book. Find our first four books at our EEWbooks Etsy store. Thanks. -Marsha
***Our second book project, “Creepy Clown Coloring Book.” There’s no short, flash-fiction story for this one, John simply saw these guys hanging out at the blues club on 17th Street one night and did a sketch of them on the spot. Don’t worry, just because its a coloring book doesn’t mean its any less amazing (awful) and beautiful than our other works. Its a delightful gallery of fantastic images designed to rekindle your fondest nightmares – in a grizzly fender bender down memory lane. Its only $10. and you can get your own copy by at our Esty shop. Go to www.etsy.com and search EEWbooks. It makes a fabulous holiday gift (even for the people you like). -Marsha
***This sketch was done for the intro to our new book, “Body-Oddies,” which is plodding along through the publisher’s process. We don’t really mind. Frankly there’s no rush to get it done right now – in 2020. There are no viable markets (including online) to introduce it into until the pandemic subsides a bit. But, for me and my illustrator, John, there are several brilliant projects to get done and some amazing creative time available do them, so let it plod through the publisher’s, and when we get back to selling (next year), we’ll have more to offer a wider audience! -Marsha
When she fell, face first, with and grunt and a thudd,
the state of her health was precarious,
but staggering up, encrusted with mud…
the look on her face was hilarious!
***This will be in our next book, “Body-Oddies” (which will be done soon), although it may end up being a completely different version – both the rhyme and the image. This is one of my favorites. I can’t count the number of times I’ve resembled this. Find and buy all our books and stuff at our Etsy shop, search EEWbooks. Thanks! -Marsha
***Here’s the last in our series of ‘Food Art.’ No short story, no whimsical rhyme, just one of the sketches for the new “Body-Oddies” book – which is nearly done. There’s no need for any of that other crap for this one anyway. Find us at www.etsy.com, search: EEWbooks, and buy all our other illustrated books and stuff. -Marsha
