Category Archives: body-oddies

body-oddies, Flash Fiction, Freaks, Sci-Fi

Constant Craving

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“Constant gravy!!…or did he say constant craving!?” but everyone was already writing and the professor’s response was garbled…sure, okay, constant gravy seemed right.  I was feeling pretty woozy since I cut myself shaving earlier and couldn’t make it stop bleeding.  It just gushed, thick and goopy…yeah, constant gravy…coool!

What began as a simple nick under my nose, got worse a few minutes later when blood started running down my cheek.  An hour later, it was dripping copiously.  In two hours it was a steady flow and by lunchtime I was squirting all over the place, soaking my clothes, the furniture and painting the walls.  It was impossible to concentrate as the room kept spinning faster and faster…..

I must have spaced out for a while because when I woke, the stuff leaking out was no longer red.  Thankfully it was just cheese wizz leaking from the push nozzle on my head.  What?!…don’t you have a nozzle?…and what’s so weird about that?  Best of all, the harder I pumped the thicker it flowed…aaaaah, pretty…..

I must have spaced out for a while…..what was I saying?…

***This really happened.  Its lucky that John got a good sketch of this guy at the writing workshop before things went sideways.  This post is a shortened version of the story…but we didn’t want to give away all the best parts before we publish it in our BODY-ODDIES book.  -Marsha

body-oddies, Book Exerpt, Flash Fiction, Sci-Fi

There Must Be Some Mistake

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The atmosphere in the ballroom went positively rancid the moment I walked in.  People stopped dancing mid-step.  The band struck a sour chord and shambled into silence.  Drinks spilled.  A waiter dropped a tray of dishes with a loud, lingering clatter.  A woman fainted, hitting the floor with a dull thud.

Everyone in the place turned to look at me as if I had two heads.  Something was ‘off’ about these people; I just couldn’t put my finger on it.

The groom, looking quite put out, detached himself from his bride and strolled elegantly toward me, the tails of his tuxedo brushing the onlookers as they parted to let him through.  He handed me a scrap of paper with the neatly written words: “There must be some mistake” and gestured to a banner over the dais which read: “Congratulations to Headless Charlie and Sue the Body!”

That’s when I realized that it wasn’t my two heads that disturbed them…it was that I was the only freak in the room who had any head at all.

How embarrassing!

***Our latest book – our 4th book – is, “A Short Burst” a collection of flash science fiction.  This story and image come from page 12.  Most of what you find in this blog is a light dusting of what you’ll find in our books.  Follow the links to www.sallemander.com and our Etsy shop or search EEWbooks at www.etsy.com to buy them.   -Marsha

body-oddies, Book Exerpt, Flash Fiction, fragment

Bear Assed

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     When the bear suddenly reared up on it’s hind legs by the campfire – it’s roar piercing my very soul – I was only briefly distracted by the warm, wet sensation spreading in my trousers.  The funniest thought went through my head as I regained my senses, leapt up, and took off through the woods, howling like an injured bagpipe…I thought about the extra ten pounds I packed on last winter and what a porky, middle-aged schlubb I had become.  But then I remembered how much fatter and stupider all my camping buddies had gotten…and how much more drunk they were right now…and that I really didn’t have to outrun the BEAR…..and my desperate howl simmered down to a pathetic sobbing squeal…with an ironic snark every 5th gasp or so, which I cannot explain.

***Yet another pair that probably won’t be in the new “Body-Oddies” book, at least not the way you see them. This version of the image is good and I like it, but the original version fits the theme of the spread much better. The written bit was eliminated from the project a while ago, before it went to the publisher. I decided to save it for something else…like a blog post. And now I can share it here. We’re still waiting on a print and release date, but as the plague abates, so the publishing and selling frenzy nears. -Marsha

body-oddies, Freaks, Political

Smelly Toes

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My sister said I had smelly toes.

   What did she mean by that?

Did SHE smell them…or did THEY have a nose?

   Oh never mind, she’s a brat!

***This image was close, but not quite the version we’re using in the “Body-Oddies” book. And so far, we’re not using any of the written shorts and rhymes. It’s okay, people don’t read much any more anyway. We’re still waiting for a release date from the publisher…we’ll keep you posted. -Marsha

body-oddies

Upset Stomach

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Last year I gave her my heart,

   the year before that, my liver.

I don’t think it’s making her happy.

   I’ve little else left to give her.

I knew I’d be losing my balls,

   I never did have any guts,

but when she demanded my kidneys and lungs,

   frankly, I thought she was nuts.

The day I gave her my fingers and toes

   my stomach was very upset.

But she took that too, along with my nose,

   and how much worse could it get?

When she left me, a shell of my former self,

   I was glad she was gone.  She was mean!

And although I felt sad and lonely,

   at least I still had my spleen.

***This time it’s not the rough sketch I want to highlight, but the poem. It is one of our favorites and we still have no idea if any of the poetry will be used in the new “Body-Oddies” book. -Marsha

body-oddies

Eye Sores

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***There is no clever poem or flash-fiction story for this one. I tried…but everything I wrote, sucked. It’s just one of those images that I was extremely happy with, as an image – alone. In fact, it happens quite a lot, and it’s rather amazing when a single image says everything I want it to say. Despite everything I wrote for the “Body-Oddies” book project, it seems better, overall, as an art book, uncluttered with written elements. And that’s cool with me. -John