{"id":982,"date":"2018-01-29T09:00:06","date_gmt":"2018-01-29T14:00:06","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/sallemander.com\/wordpress\/?p=982"},"modified":"2018-01-29T09:00:06","modified_gmt":"2018-01-29T14:00:06","slug":"how-do-i-look-2","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/sallemander.com\/wordpress\/?p=982","title":{"rendered":"How Do I Look?"},"content":{"rendered":"

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Nothing actually happened for a solid fifteen minutes after Eddie drank the formula.\u00a0 He turned to us (once again) with a forlorn look and asked, \u201cAny change yet?\u00a0 How do I look?\u201d<\/p>\n

We knew he was crazy.\u00a0 He was one of those people: perpetually dissatisfied, determined to prove that he was \u2018special\u2019.\u00a0 He wanted fame, popularity, success (despite being an already brilliant scientist) and he was driven\u2026you know, crazy\u2026AND he had full use of the company\u2019s laboratory. \u00a0He had access to all the good stuff too;\u00a0 plasma reactor, laser diffractional transmogrifier, crazy glue \u2013 not to mention ebola, thermite and flu vaccine\u2026and I think our awkward, mild mannered (crazy) Eddie used all of it on this new batch.<\/p>\n

By the sixteenth minute, everything changed and Eddie\u2019s fondest wish was realized.\u00a0 He began mutating wildly, spreading outward in every direction, emitting the strangest squeaking moan.\u00a0 He shook, twisted and bloated.\u00a0 He grew tendrils, sprouted claws and screeched Latin gibberish from three of his seven worm-haired monkey faces as horns emerged from his leathery spine.\u00a0 He puffed a sweet yellow smoke, shed tufts of pink fur and dribbled buckets of gooey puss.\u00a0 He was a frightful sight\u2026but he was just sooooo excited we didn\u2019t have the heart to terminate him.<\/p>\n

When he finally slowed and stabilized, he turned all of his seventeen eyes-on-a-stalk to us and in a clever series of musical farts, he asked, \u201cOkay!\u2026How do I look now?\u201d<\/p>\n

***This brings me right back to my days writing side-effects disclaimers for big Pharma\u2026and Eddie helped me come up with some doozies.\u00a0 He\u2019s still alive and well and the subject of great intrigue at a secret government laboratory in Nevada.\u00a0 I think the locals refer to it as \u201ca sighting\u201d every time he manages to get out for a stroll.\u00a0\u00a0John\u2019s image was his very first cover for Asimov\u2019s Science Fiction Magazine (Jan. 2003).\u00a0 This is reposted from around this time in 2016…another good old\u00a0one to wear away the winter days. \u00a0 -Marsha<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Nothing actually happened for a solid fifteen minutes after Eddie drank the formula.\u00a0 He turned to us (once again) with a forlorn look and asked, \u201cAny change yet?\u00a0 How do I look?\u201d We knew he was crazy.\u00a0 He was one of those people: perpetually dissatisfied, determined to prove that he was \u2018special\u2019.\u00a0 He wanted fame, … Continue reading How Do I Look?<\/span> →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":6,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[150,241,124],"tags":[79,28,210,105,38,176,19,102,22],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/sallemander.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/982"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/sallemander.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/sallemander.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/sallemander.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/6"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/sallemander.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=982"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"http:\/\/sallemander.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/982\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":983,"href":"http:\/\/sallemander.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/982\/revisions\/983"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/sallemander.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=982"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/sallemander.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=982"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/sallemander.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=982"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}