{"id":811,"date":"2017-06-27T17:07:57","date_gmt":"2017-06-27T21:07:57","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/sallemander.com\/wordpress\/?p=811"},"modified":"2017-06-27T17:07:57","modified_gmt":"2017-06-27T21:07:57","slug":"fish-ed","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/sallemander.com\/wordpress\/?p=811","title":{"rendered":"Fish Ed"},"content":{"rendered":"

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I woke up unconscious.\u00a0 My aching head smelled funny.\u00a0 There was something sticky between my cheek and the cold shelf in the refrigerator.\u00a0 “Eat me!” demanded the chicken, “I taste great! Why…I taste like chicken!\u00a0 Everybody loves chicken.”\u00a0 He was hard to take seriously without a head – his neck hole made him lisp.\u00a0 “Eat ME!!” he yelled again.<\/p>\n

But the egg was just as bold: “NO!\u00a0 Eat me!” and raising his eyebrows suggestively, with a sexy-baby voice, he said, “I’m young.\u00a0 I’m soft.\u00a0 You can do ANYTHING to meeee…fry me, poach me, slather me in mayonnaise… Mmmmmm!\u00a0 I’m delicious!”\u00a0 He grinned.<\/p>\n

“Don’t listen to HIM!” said Chicken.\u00a0 “I’m delicious with mayo too…and you LOVE barbeque and I have…”<\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0 “WHUMP!!!”<\/em><\/p>\n

I slammed the fridge.\u00a0 I could see that the jelly was already awake and I always hated talking to her.\u00a0 Besides, the guacamole was poised, just waiting for his chance to interrupt and frankly, my aching brain could not handle whatever the leftover stromboli had to say – with his nauseating salami and jalape\u00f1o breath…..and what was that funny smell?\u00a0 Was that fish?\u00a0 I don’t like fish.\u00a0 “Hey buddy,” said the fish, “that’s not a very nice thing to think.”<\/p>\n

“WHUMP!!!”<\/em><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I woke up unconscious.\u00a0 My aching head smelled funny.\u00a0 There was something sticky between my cheek and the cold shelf in the refrigerator.\u00a0 “Eat me!” demanded the chicken, “I taste great! Why…I taste like chicken!\u00a0 Everybody loves chicken.”\u00a0 He was hard to take seriously without a head – his neck hole made him lisp.\u00a0 “Eat … Continue reading Fish Ed<\/span> →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":6,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[118,150,109],"tags":[210,105,176,99,96,102],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/sallemander.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/811"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/sallemander.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/sallemander.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/sallemander.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/6"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/sallemander.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=811"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"http:\/\/sallemander.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/811\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":813,"href":"http:\/\/sallemander.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/811\/revisions\/813"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/sallemander.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=811"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/sallemander.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=811"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/sallemander.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=811"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}