{"id":746,"date":"2017-03-21T09:00:00","date_gmt":"2017-03-21T13:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/sallemander.com\/wordpress\/?p=746"},"modified":"2017-03-21T09:00:00","modified_gmt":"2017-03-21T13:00:00","slug":"doug-the-slug","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/sallemander.com\/wordpress\/?p=746","title":{"rendered":"Doug the Slug"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"Doug\u00a0<\/a><\/p>\n

Doug felt sluggish sitting through another mind numbing meeting.\u00a0 Boring people, like him, in boring suits, like his, sat around the conference room table giving boring briefs on their departments.\u00a0 Doug’s section had nothing to report, he was only there to fill his boss’ seat while he was off golfing.\u00a0 They droned on and on like lazy bees;\u00a0 “Turn to page 68 and review diagram 123g…” and “good news in marketing assessment accounts payable, see the bar graph in addendum 6…” and Doug was too hyped up on caffeine to fall asleep like Bob from Legal.<\/p>\n

Then…..he had a funny feeling.\u00a0 Not a laugh out loud feeling – a strange, funny feeling…and the last thing he heard before it all went sideways was another inane comment from Alice, the CFO;\u00a0 “…and sales were sluggish again last week…” and POW!!<\/p>\n

A drip formed on the tip of Doug’s nose and slid off onto his tie, which he noticed was already flowing like liquid into his lap.\u00a0 He watched as his fingers dissolved into sludge and his hands turn to pulp.\u00a0 He felt his hair and eyebrows melt, his skin go flubbery and sag and finally his whole head collapse into an eggy mess down his torso before everything sploshed down into a viscous puddle of goo around his shoes (which didn’t take part in the transformation for some reason).<\/p>\n

Funny thing is, he doubted that anybody in the meeting even noticed what had happened.\u00a0 Perhaps everyone there was melting like him…but he doubted it…he could still hear Alice droning and Bob snoring.<\/p>\n

***I think melting in meetings was the best part of working in corporate\u00a0America, surpassed only by exploding like a hamster in a microwave just to see the mess all over everybody’s boring suit.\u00a0 Happy Spring everybody.\u00a0 -Marsha\u00a0\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\u00a0 Doug felt sluggish sitting through another mind numbing meeting.\u00a0 Boring people, like him, in boring suits, like his, sat around the conference room table giving boring briefs on their departments.\u00a0 Doug’s section had nothing to report, he was only there to fill his boss’ seat while he was off golfing.\u00a0 They droned on and … Continue reading Doug the Slug<\/span> →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":6,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[125,150],"tags":[210,128,176,96,102],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/sallemander.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/746"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/sallemander.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/sallemander.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/sallemander.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/6"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/sallemander.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=746"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"http:\/\/sallemander.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/746\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":748,"href":"http:\/\/sallemander.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/746\/revisions\/748"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/sallemander.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=746"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/sallemander.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=746"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/sallemander.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=746"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}