{"id":712,"date":"2017-02-14T09:00:19","date_gmt":"2017-02-14T14:00:19","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/sallemander.com\/wordpress\/?p=712"},"modified":"2017-02-14T09:00:19","modified_gmt":"2017-02-14T14:00:19","slug":"foot-in-mouth","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/sallemander.com\/wordpress\/?p=712","title":{"rendered":"Foot In Mouth"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><a href=\"http:\/\/sallemander.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/02\/Foot-In-Mouth-72.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" class=\"alignnone wp-image-713\" src=\"http:\/\/sallemander.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/02\/Foot-In-Mouth-72-272x300.jpg\" alt=\"Foot-In-Mouth-72\" width=\"715\" height=\"789\" srcset=\"http:\/\/sallemander.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/02\/Foot-In-Mouth-72-272x300.jpg 272w, http:\/\/sallemander.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/02\/Foot-In-Mouth-72-768x846.jpg 768w, http:\/\/sallemander.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/02\/Foot-In-Mouth-72-929x1024.jpg 929w, http:\/\/sallemander.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/02\/Foot-In-Mouth-72.jpg 1698w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 715px) 100vw, 715px\" \/>\u00a0<\/a>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 I woke up this morning feeling disheveled. I must have tossed and turned all night and tied myself into a knot, because when I woke up I fell out of bed&#8230;tied in a knot. \u00a0I didn&#8217;t know I could do that&#8230;and survive.\u00a0 Worse than that, when I finally got myself untangled, I realized I had a foot where my hand used to be, my tongue was attached to an elbow and my hair had migrated down my back to my buttocks.\u00a0 One of my hands had switched places with my wiener and one was dangling from an armpit but for the life of me, I could not find my other foot.\u00a0 I wasn&#8217;t in any pain but the sight of it all made me want to scream&#8230;..except, when I opened my mouth&#8230;well, that&#8217;s when I discovered where my other foot had gone&#8230;<\/p>\n<p><em>***This exact thing never actually happened to ME&#8230;but something resembling the &#8216;foot in mouth&#8217; part definitely happened to the last loser who tried to pick me up in a bar, which&#8230;come to think of it, happened a few years ago on this same minor holiday celebrating the Marquis de Sade or something&#8230;..Valentine&#8217;s, whatever!\u00a0 We&#8217;re too busy finishing our new book (&#8216;Bludgeon the Clown&#8217;)\u00a0to worry about it right now.\u00a0 -Marsha<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 I woke up this morning feeling disheveled. I must have tossed and turned all night and tied myself into a knot, because when I woke up I fell out of bed&#8230;tied in a knot. \u00a0I didn&#8217;t know I could do that&#8230;and survive.\u00a0 Worse than that, when I finally got myself untangled, I realized I &hellip; <a href=\"http:\/\/sallemander.com\/wordpress\/?p=712\" class=\"more-link\">Continue reading <span class=\"screen-reader-text\">Foot In Mouth<\/span> <span class=\"meta-nav\">&rarr;<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":6,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[118,150,109],"tags":[210,128,176,22],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/sallemander.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/712"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/sallemander.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/sallemander.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/sallemander.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/6"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/sallemander.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=712"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"http:\/\/sallemander.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/712\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":715,"href":"http:\/\/sallemander.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/712\/revisions\/715"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/sallemander.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=712"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/sallemander.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=712"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/sallemander.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=712"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}