{"id":567,"date":"2016-07-19T09:00:19","date_gmt":"2016-07-19T13:00:19","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/sallemander.com\/wordpress\/?p=567"},"modified":"2016-07-19T09:00:19","modified_gmt":"2016-07-19T13:00:19","slug":"i-am-joes-big-left-toenail","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/sallemander.com\/wordpress\/?p=567","title":{"rendered":"I Am Joe’s Big Left Toenail"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"Joes-toenail-42\"<\/a><\/p>\n

I am Joe’s big left toe nail.\u00a0 See me soar through the air like a demented boomerang.\u00a0 I know not where I shall land but I’ll probably miss the trash bin because Joe’s ability to aim the stuff he spits out is for shit.<\/p>\n

I guess Joe finally got tired of my glorious reign at the tip of his big toe as master of all I surveyed.\u00a0 I must have threatened his manhood (or ruined the toe of one too many socks).\u00a0 He tried to clip me with a fingernail trimmer but I valiantly resisted – and broke it – so he got pissed off, sat down on the toilet and bit me right off his toe with his teeth.<\/p>\n

I say, ‘Good riddance to Joe!’\u00a0 I shall become king of all the gross stuff next to his overflowing trash can – as I can see that I am already the mightiest of all the toe nails there and I shall rule for an eternity, since Joe is far too lazy to clean his friggin’ bathroom, which smells like the squeaky ass end of a dead rhinoceros on a hot, sunny day.<\/p>\n

***Yes, we have the cult classic “Fight Club” to thank for the inspiration for this flash-fiction fragment.\u00a0 It originated as a prompt in our Saturday ‘Free-Write’ workshop with the\u00a0 Montclair NJ Write Group.\u00a0 I pilfered the “Feet” image from one of John’s horrible Clown illustrations, slated for publication in 2017 in our book, “Bludgeon the Clown”.\u00a0 -Marsha<\/em><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I am Joe’s big left toe nail.\u00a0 See me soar through the air like a demented boomerang.\u00a0 I know not where I shall land but I’ll probably miss the trash bin because Joe’s ability to aim the stuff he spits out is for shit. I guess Joe finally got tired of my glorious reign at … Continue reading I Am Joe’s Big Left Toenail<\/span> →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":6,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[150,109],"tags":[99,102,205],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/sallemander.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/567"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/sallemander.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/sallemander.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/sallemander.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/6"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/sallemander.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=567"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"http:\/\/sallemander.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/567\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":571,"href":"http:\/\/sallemander.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/567\/revisions\/571"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/sallemander.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=567"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/sallemander.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=567"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/sallemander.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=567"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}