{"id":404,"date":"2016-03-22T08:59:43","date_gmt":"2016-03-22T12:59:43","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/sallemander.com\/wordpress\/?p=404"},"modified":"2016-03-22T08:59:43","modified_gmt":"2016-03-22T12:59:43","slug":"its-all-speculation","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/sallemander.com\/wordpress\/?p=404","title":{"rendered":"Its All Speculation"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"Angry\u00a0<\/a>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Herbert had been prone to rashes since he was a kid.\u00a0 He caught them all, like a rash magnet…it was inexplicable.\u00a0 He had at least three rashes on any given day of his life.\u00a0 As a sickly nerd, he never had friends…..so how the heck did he get chicken pox?\u00a0 He never had sex, so where did he get crabs?\u00a0 Hell, he had rashes no one ever heard of.\u00a0 He was a spotty, itchy, miserable pariah (though he was a delight to his dermatologist).<\/p>\n

Anyway, when the ‘Speckles’ showed up, Herbert was neither surprised nor alarmed…but when they became an infestation, weird stuff started happening.\u00a0 All his old rashes now had a rash of their own.\u00a0 The Speckles definitely did not respect other rashes’ turf.\u00a0 His chicken pox grew feathers and beaks, his goose bumps grew long necks and started nipping and spitting at other rashes and his scarlet fever?…WOW!… well…lets just say that when she reached puberty…things got REALLY awkward.<\/p>\n

The Speckles went on to occupy every inch of Herbert and ousted all his other rashes – which would have been good except that each Speckle became enormous, grew a face and took on a personality of its own.\u00a0 They started talking amongst themselves – argued with each other constantly (about religion and politics, ugh!) \u00a0and sang bawdy songs at all hours.\u00a0 It made things quite uncomfortable for Herbert, though not as bad as the realization that they’d become stronger, smarter and cooler than him.\u00a0 It wasn’t long before Herbert diminished completely into the shadow of his own brilliant speculations…<\/p>\n

***Oh, how\u00a0this reminds me of my teenage years…though\u00a0my speckles\u00a0were quite amiable and we\u00a0were into\u00a0the same music.\u00a0 Meanwhile,\u00a0my new\u00a0book, “Marsha Mellow’s Blue-ish Freaks” is nearly ready for release, probably next week but if f you want to buy an advanced copy,\u00a0leave me a message here…\u00a0 -Marsha<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Herbert had been prone to rashes since he was a kid.\u00a0 He caught them all, like a rash magnet…it was inexplicable.\u00a0 He had at least three rashes on any given day of his life.\u00a0 As a sickly nerd, he never had friends…..so how the heck did he get chicken pox?\u00a0 He never had sex, … Continue reading Its All Speculation<\/span> →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":6,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[118],"tags":[105,37,174,96,102],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/sallemander.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/404"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/sallemander.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/sallemander.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/sallemander.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/6"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/sallemander.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=404"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"http:\/\/sallemander.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/404\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":408,"href":"http:\/\/sallemander.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/404\/revisions\/408"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/sallemander.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=404"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/sallemander.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=404"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/sallemander.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=404"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}