{"id":310,"date":"2016-01-26T09:05:54","date_gmt":"2016-01-26T14:05:54","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/sallemander.com\/wordpress\/?p=310"},"modified":"2016-01-26T09:05:54","modified_gmt":"2016-01-26T14:05:54","slug":"how-do-i-look","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/sallemander.com\/wordpress\/?p=310","title":{"rendered":"How Do I Look?"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><a href=\"http:\/\/sallemander.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/01\/Junk-DNA-17.jpg\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-311\"><img loading=\"lazy\" class=\"alignnone wp-image-311\" src=\"http:\/\/sallemander.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/01\/Junk-DNA-17-232x300.jpg\" alt=\"Junk-DNA-17\" width=\"547\" height=\"707\" srcset=\"http:\/\/sallemander.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/01\/Junk-DNA-17-232x300.jpg 232w, http:\/\/sallemander.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/01\/Junk-DNA-17-768x994.jpg 768w, http:\/\/sallemander.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/01\/Junk-DNA-17-791x1024.jpg 791w, http:\/\/sallemander.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/01\/Junk-DNA-17.jpg 1700w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 547px) 100vw, 547px\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<p>Nothing actually happened for a solid fifteen minutes after Eddie drank the formula.\u00a0 He turned to us (once again) with a forlorn look and asked, &#8220;Any change yet?\u00a0 How do I look?&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>We knew he was crazy.\u00a0 He was one of those people: perpetually dissatisfied, determined to prove that he was &#8216;special&#8217;.\u00a0 He wanted fame, popularity, success (despite being an already brilliant scientist) and he was driven&#8230;you know, crazy&#8230;AND he had full use of the company&#8217;s laboratory. \u00a0He had access to all the good stuff too;\u00a0 plasma reactor, laser diffractional transmogrifier, crazy glue &#8211; not to mention ebola, thermite and flu vaccine&#8230;and I think our awkward, mild mannered (crazy) Eddie used all of it.<\/p>\n<p>By the sixteenth minute, everything changed and Eddie&#8217;s fondest wish was realized.\u00a0 He began mutating wildly, spreading outward in every direction, emitting the strangest squeaking moan.\u00a0 He shook, twisted and bloated.\u00a0 He grew tendrils, sprouted claws and screeched Latin gibberish from three of his seven worm-haired monkey faces as horns emerged from his leathery spine.\u00a0 He puffed a sweet yellow smoke, shed tufts of pink fur and dribbled buckets of gooey puss.\u00a0 He was a frightful sight&#8230;but he was just sooooo excited we didn&#8217;t have the heart to terminate him.<\/p>\n<p>When he finally slowed and stabilized, he turned all of his seventeen eyes-on-a-stalk to us and in a clever series of musical farts, he asked, &#8220;Okay!&#8230;How do I look now?&#8221;<\/p>\n<p><em>***This brings me right back to my days writing side-effects disclaimers for big Pharma&#8230;and Eddie helped me come up with some doozies.\u00a0 He&#8217;s still alive and well and the subject of great intrigue at a secret government laboratory in Nevada.\u00a0 I think the locals refer to it as &#8220;a sighting&#8221; every time he manages to get out for a stroll.\u00a0\u00a0John&#8217;s image was his very first cover for Asimov&#8217;s Science Fiction Magazine (Jan. 2003).\u00a0 -Marsha<\/em><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Nothing actually happened for a solid fifteen minutes after Eddie drank the formula.\u00a0 He turned to us (once again) with a forlorn look and asked, &#8220;Any change yet?\u00a0 How do I look?&#8221; We knew he was crazy.\u00a0 He was one of those people: perpetually dissatisfied, determined to prove that he was &#8216;special&#8217;.\u00a0 He wanted fame, &hellip; <a href=\"http:\/\/sallemander.com\/wordpress\/?p=310\" class=\"more-link\">Continue reading <span class=\"screen-reader-text\">How Do I Look?<\/span> <span class=\"meta-nav\">&rarr;<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":6,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[124],"tags":[79,136,37,139,19],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/sallemander.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/310"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/sallemander.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/sallemander.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/sallemander.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/6"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/sallemander.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=310"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"http:\/\/sallemander.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/310\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":313,"href":"http:\/\/sallemander.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/310\/revisions\/313"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/sallemander.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=310"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/sallemander.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=310"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/sallemander.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=310"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}