{"id":1412,"date":"2020-01-06T09:03:19","date_gmt":"2020-01-06T14:03:19","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/sallemander.com\/wordpress\/?p=1412"},"modified":"2020-01-06T09:03:19","modified_gmt":"2020-01-06T14:03:19","slug":"i-am-joes-big-left-toenail-2","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/sallemander.com\/wordpress\/?p=1412","title":{"rendered":"I am Joe&#8217;s Big Left Toenail."},"content":{"rendered":"<p><a href=\"http:\/\/sallemander.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/12\/250-Oddy-FingerNails.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" class=\"alignnone wp-image-1413\" src=\"http:\/\/sallemander.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/12\/250-Oddy-FingerNails-300x300.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"667\" height=\"667\" srcset=\"http:\/\/sallemander.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/12\/250-Oddy-FingerNails-300x300.jpg 300w, http:\/\/sallemander.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/12\/250-Oddy-FingerNails-150x150.jpg 150w, http:\/\/sallemander.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/12\/250-Oddy-FingerNails-768x767.jpg 768w, http:\/\/sallemander.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/12\/250-Oddy-FingerNails-1024x1024.jpg 1024w, http:\/\/sallemander.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/12\/250-Oddy-FingerNails.jpg 1400w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 667px) 100vw, 667px\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<p>I am Joe\u2019s big left toe nail.\u00a0 See me soar through the air like a demented boomerang.\u00a0 I know not where I shall land but I\u2019ll probably miss the trash bin because Joe\u2019s ability to aim the stuff he spits out is for shit.<\/p>\n<p>I guess Joe finally got tired of my glorious reign, as master of all I surveyed, at the tip of his big toe.\u00a0 I must have threatened his manhood (or ruined the tips of too many socks).\u00a0 He once tried to clip me with a fingernail trimmer but I valiantly resisted \u2013 and broke it!\u00a0 So he got pissed off, sat down on the toilet, and ripped me right off\u00a0 with his teeth.<\/p>\n<p>I say, \u2018Good riddance to Joe!\u2019\u00a0 I shall become king of all the gross stuff next to his overflowing trash can, as I can see that I am already the mightiest of all the toe nails there and shall rule for all eternity, since Joe is far too lazy to clean his friggin\u2019 bathroom, which smells like the squeaky ass end of a dead rhinoceros on a hot, sunny day.<\/p>\n<p><em>***We have the cult classic, \u201cFight Club\u201d to thank for the inspiration for this flash-fiction fragment.\u00a0 It originated as a prompt in our Saturday \u2018Free-Write\u2019 workshop with the\u00a0 Montclair NJ Write Group.\u00a0 I pilfered the red rough &#8220;Finger Nails&#8221;\u00a0sketch from our Body-Oddies book.\u00a0 It doesn&#8217;t exactly fit&#8230;but kinda does, in a really cool way (according to John, the illustrator).\u00a0 Body-Oddies will be our 5th book and will be out early this year (as soon as John finishes the friggin&#8217; illustrations!!!).\u00a0 \u00a0-Marsha<\/em><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>I am Joe\u2019s big left toe nail.\u00a0 See me soar through the air like a demented boomerang.\u00a0 I know not where I shall land but I\u2019ll probably miss the trash bin because Joe\u2019s ability to aim the stuff he spits out is for shit. I guess Joe finally got tired of my glorious reign, as &hellip; <a href=\"http:\/\/sallemander.com\/wordpress\/?p=1412\" class=\"more-link\">Continue reading <span class=\"screen-reader-text\">I am Joe&#8217;s Big Left Toenail.<\/span> <span class=\"meta-nav\">&rarr;<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":6,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[118,150,109],"tags":[210,105,38,99,96,102],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/sallemander.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1412"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/sallemander.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/sallemander.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/sallemander.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/6"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/sallemander.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1412"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"http:\/\/sallemander.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1412\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1417,"href":"http:\/\/sallemander.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1412\/revisions\/1417"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/sallemander.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1412"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/sallemander.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1412"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/sallemander.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1412"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}