{"id":1316,"date":"2019-08-12T09:00:35","date_gmt":"2019-08-12T13:00:35","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/sallemander.com\/wordpress\/?p=1316"},"modified":"2019-08-12T09:11:23","modified_gmt":"2019-08-12T13:11:23","slug":"worst-day-of-my-life","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/sallemander.com\/wordpress\/?p=1316","title":{"rendered":"Worst Day of My Life"},"content":{"rendered":"

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\u201cWorse day of my life\u2026\u201d began the hairy stranger at the bar, \u201c\u2026the day I lost my HEAD!\u201d He stared at me oddly, chuckling. His words hung in the air for a while as I wondered who the heck\u00a0he was and why he was chatting me up. There was something ‘off’ about him that I just couldn’t put my finger on, and he sounded absurd!\u00a0 \u201cWhat?!\u201d I asked, a little annoyed. \u201cYeah!\u201d he continued, \u201cIt just tumbled off and rolled away. I couldn\u2019t find it for a YEAR!\u201d \u2018How ridiculous\u2019 I thought \u2013\u00a0but then, I remembered hearing about that sort of thing happening more and more these days. \u201cI found it conjoined with some other dude\u2019s left hand like a circus freak-show exhibit \u2026awkward!\u201d<\/p>\n

I reached for my beer glass but knocked it over with the empty stump of my wrist. The stranger grinned at me and chuckled again knowingly. It seems that both my hands had quietly popped off and were crawling down the bar toward the attractive woman in the breasty, low cut blouse at the end\u2026the one I was too shy to approach earlier. I didn\u2019t know what they planned but I could just imagine what MY brainless hands might like to do with HER. That\u2019s when I noticed the stranger\u2019s collar \u2013 bolted tightly \u2018round his neck. It looked positively medieval but locked his wayward head soundly to his torso. \u2018How clever?!\u2019 I thought.<\/p>\n

The barkeep wiped up my spilled beer with a lovely pair of shapely, ladies arms \u2013which did NOT match the rest of his otherwise burly, tattooed frame. He caught me staring but shrugged and nodded me in the direction of my hands as they broke into a run\u2026..while the woman\u2019s breasts leapt out of her blouse and took off in opposite directions.<\/p>\n

***This image and story is featured on page 38\u00a0in our new book, \u201cA Short Burst\u201d which is\u00a0available soon.\u00a0 To see (and buy) all our books, just follow the link above to www.sallemander.com.\u00a0 -Marsha<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\u201cWorse day of my life\u2026\u201d began the hairy stranger at the bar, \u201c\u2026the day I lost my HEAD!\u201d He stared at me oddly, chuckling. His words hung in the air for a while as I wondered who the heck\u00a0he was and why he was chatting me up. There was something ‘off’ about him that I … Continue reading Worst Day of My Life<\/span> →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":6,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[242,150,124],"tags":[79,250,28,210,248,38,176,99,19,96,102],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/sallemander.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1316"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/sallemander.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/sallemander.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/sallemander.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/6"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/sallemander.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1316"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"http:\/\/sallemander.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1316\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1338,"href":"http:\/\/sallemander.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1316\/revisions\/1338"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/sallemander.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1316"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/sallemander.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1316"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/sallemander.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1316"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}