{"id":1232,"date":"2019-03-25T09:00:03","date_gmt":"2019-03-25T13:00:03","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/sallemander.com\/wordpress\/?p=1232"},"modified":"2019-03-25T09:00:03","modified_gmt":"2019-03-25T13:00:03","slug":"foot-in-mouth-2","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/sallemander.com\/wordpress\/?p=1232","title":{"rendered":"Foot In Mouth"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><a href=\"http:\/\/sallemander.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/02\/Foot-In-Mouth-72.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" class=\"alignnone wp-image-713\" src=\"http:\/\/sallemander.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/02\/Foot-In-Mouth-72-272x300.jpg\" sizes=\"(max-width: 715px) 100vw, 715px\" srcset=\"http:\/\/sallemander.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/02\/Foot-In-Mouth-72-272x300.jpg 272w, http:\/\/sallemander.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/02\/Foot-In-Mouth-72-768x846.jpg 768w, http:\/\/sallemander.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/02\/Foot-In-Mouth-72-929x1024.jpg 929w\" alt=\"Foot-In-Mouth-72\" width=\"715\" height=\"789\" \/>\u00a0<\/a>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 I woke up this morning feeling disheveled. I must have tossed and turned all night and tied myself into a knot, because when I woke up I fell out of bed\u2026tied in a knot. \u00a0I didn\u2019t know I could do that and survive.\u00a0 Worse than that, when I finally got myself untangled, I realized I had a foot where my hand used to be, my tongue was attached to an elbow and my hair had migrated down my back to my buttocks.\u00a0 One of my hands had switched places with my wiener and one was dangling from an armpit but for the life of me, I could not find my other foot.\u00a0 I wasn\u2019t in any pain but the sight of it all made me want to scream\u2026..except, when I opened my mouth\u2026well, that\u2019s when I discovered where my other foot had gone\u2026<\/p>\n<p><em>***This exact thing never actually happened to ME\u2026but something resembling the \u2018foot in mouth\u2019 part definitely happened to the last loser who tried to pick me up in a bar.\u00a0 The image (still only a red rough sketch), will be published in our 5th book, &#8220;Body-Oddies&#8221; while the short flash-fiction fragment will be in our 4th book, &#8220;A Short Burst&#8221; which will be out soon.\u00a0 Find our stuff and buy it at www.sallemander.com or search for EEWbooks on Etsy.\u00a0 \u00a0-Marsha<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 I woke up this morning feeling disheveled. I must have tossed and turned all night and tied myself into a knot, because when I woke up I fell out of bed\u2026tied in a knot. \u00a0I didn\u2019t know I could do that and survive.\u00a0 Worse than that, when I finally got myself untangled, I realized &hellip; <a href=\"http:\/\/sallemander.com\/wordpress\/?p=1232\" class=\"more-link\">Continue reading <span class=\"screen-reader-text\">Foot In Mouth<\/span> <span class=\"meta-nav\">&rarr;<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":6,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[118,150,241],"tags":[250,210,105,248,38,176,99,19,96,102],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/sallemander.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1232"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/sallemander.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/sallemander.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/sallemander.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/6"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/sallemander.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1232"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"http:\/\/sallemander.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1232\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1244,"href":"http:\/\/sallemander.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1232\/revisions\/1244"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/sallemander.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1232"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/sallemander.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1232"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/sallemander.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1232"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}