{"id":1177,"date":"2018-12-24T08:59:58","date_gmt":"2018-12-24T13:59:58","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/sallemander.com\/wordpress\/?p=1177"},"modified":"2018-12-24T08:59:58","modified_gmt":"2018-12-24T13:59:58","slug":"winter-weather-advisory-2","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/sallemander.com\/wordpress\/?p=1177","title":{"rendered":"Winter Weather Advisory"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"thesanta-64\"<\/a>It was June and sunny.\u00a0 The first sunny day he\u2019d seen in months.\u00a0 Standing atop a 60 foot snow drift, Santa surveyed the landscape of Death Valley, Nevada. This was no way to spend his vacation.\u00a0 Where were the buzzards and the fire ants?\u00a0 Where were the salt flats and sand dunes?\u00a0 This place looked too much like home this year\u2026how awful!<\/p>\n

Well, what did he expect?\u00a0 This is where things like consumerism, waste, greed and stupidity get you \u2013 and he had to admit, he played his part.\u00a0 Ever since they hired him to sell capitalism to the huddled masses, back in the 30\u2019s and 40\u2019s\u2026..a snowpocalypse was inevitable.\u00a0 Mother Nature swings like a sassy pendulum, knocking the idiots aside with the good ones.\u00a0 Maybe the random survivors will come through smarter and better this time\u2026but he doubted it.\u00a0 Oh well, he still had to find sunscreen for Mrs. Clause or she\u2019d have his head.<\/p>\n

He got back into his sleigh and flew off in search of a frozen supermarket, hoping the looters left some Twinkies\u2026or some milk duds\u2026<\/p>\n

THE SANTA: Arguably the greatest Christian icon in history, he is also the hardest fellow to meet.\u00a0 When I flew to the North Pole for an interview I found nothing there but a giant peppermint flavored pole\u2026and simply planning to intercept his holiday flight got me an angry visit from Homeland Security (again). Frankly, I couldn\u2019t confirm he existed at all (I was crushed).\u00a0 Yet somehow, he still manages to deliver the most fabulous gifts, each year, to the most affluent and entitled children in the world, (poor children are obviously “BAD”)\u2026..maybe its just as well I didn\u2019t meet this clown.\u00a0 -Marsha<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

It was June and sunny.\u00a0 The first sunny day he\u2019d seen in months.\u00a0 Standing atop a 60 foot snow drift, Santa surveyed the landscape of Death Valley, Nevada. This was no way to spend his vacation.\u00a0 Where were the buzzards and the fire ants?\u00a0 Where were the salt flats and sand dunes?\u00a0 This place looked … Continue reading Winter Weather Advisory<\/span> →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":6,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[242,125,150,239],"tags":[79,250,210,105,254,128,248,38,176,99,10,173,247,194,96,102],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/sallemander.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1177"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/sallemander.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/sallemander.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/sallemander.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/6"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/sallemander.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1177"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"http:\/\/sallemander.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1177\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1179,"href":"http:\/\/sallemander.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1177\/revisions\/1179"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/sallemander.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1177"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/sallemander.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1177"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/sallemander.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1177"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}