{"id":1046,"date":"2018-05-21T08:20:25","date_gmt":"2018-05-21T12:20:25","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/sallemander.com\/wordpress\/?p=1046"},"modified":"2018-05-21T08:20:25","modified_gmt":"2018-05-21T12:20:25","slug":"book-festival","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/sallemander.com\/wordpress\/?p=1046","title":{"rendered":"Book Festival"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Paranoia Smith was the most exhausting, obnoxious, insufferable, skate-punk, tattooed, cross dressing poseur I ever met at a book festival.\u00a0 Within a minute in this lunatic\u2019s presence I wanted to rip off his head and crap down his neck.\u00a0 He babbled incessantly (when he wasn\u2019t \u2018rapping\u2019 or screeching heavy metal lyrics) and his fake blonde goatee and dreadlocks smelled like a port-a-potty.\u00a0 He was one of those touchy-feely dudes who never let up.\u00a0 <a href=\"http:\/\/sallemander.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/04\/Comic-Con-image-30.jpg\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-469\"><img loading=\"lazy\" class=\"wp-image-469 alignleft\" src=\"http:\/\/sallemander.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/04\/Comic-Con-image-30-159x300.jpg\" sizes=\"(max-width: 236px) 100vw, 236px\" srcset=\"http:\/\/sallemander.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/04\/Comic-Con-image-30-159x300.jpg 159w, http:\/\/sallemander.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/04\/Comic-Con-image-30-768x1449.jpg 768w, http:\/\/sallemander.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/04\/Comic-Con-image-30-543x1024.jpg 543w, http:\/\/sallemander.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/04\/Comic-Con-image-30.jpg 1166w\" alt=\"Comic-Con-image-30\" width=\"236\" height=\"445\" \/><\/a>He had a finger puppet named Yak Feces who insisted on probing all of my facial orifices.\u00a0\u00a0And he simply could not convey any of his incomplete \u2018ideas\u2019 from a distance further than an inch from my nose with breath like the putrid steam at the edge of a volcano.\u00a0 He was a wild eyed maniac with no self control\u2026.actually dribbled chaw juice on my shoe, then apologized as he hosed it off with urine\u2026..BUT, he just bought\u00a0a copy\u00a0of my ridiculous\u00a0new book, &#8220;Bludgeon the Clown&#8221;\u00a0and I love him for it.\u00a0 I think we could be brothers.<\/p>\n<p>Oh no! Next in line was Lisa, an enormous middle aged woman in a teeny-tiny Sailor Moon costume with bits bulging from under her adorable skirt that I didn\u2019t know women even had.\u00a0 I think her blue hair was her\u00a0REAL hair.\u00a0 \u201cCould you sign mine?\u201d she croaked like Jabba the Hut\u2026and I was grinning (as she pulled out exact change) too horrified to look away from\u2026this beautiful, elegant\u00a0creature who loves my book.\u00a0 I could have married her on the spot.<\/p>\n<p>Next in line is\u2026oh, sweet Jesus\u2026..<\/p>\n<p><em>***John and I brought our new book out to sell at the\u00a0Gaithersburg Book Festival in Maryland\u00a0last weekend.\u00a0 It rained&#8230;but\u00a0it was brilliant.\u00a0 We met so many talented, decent, cool people &#8211;\u00a0and artists\u00a0&#8211; and vendors\u2026What a great time\u00a0\u2013 and you would not believe how many books we sold (my mother told me we should have brought more\u2026).\u00a0 Wish\u00a0you were\u00a0there. \u00a0 -Marsha<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Paranoia Smith was the most exhausting, obnoxious, insufferable, skate-punk, tattooed, cross dressing poseur I ever met at a book festival.\u00a0 Within a minute in this lunatic\u2019s presence I wanted to rip off his head and crap down his neck.\u00a0 He babbled incessantly (when he wasn\u2019t \u2018rapping\u2019 or screeching heavy metal lyrics) and his fake blonde &hellip; <a href=\"http:\/\/sallemander.com\/wordpress\/?p=1046\" class=\"more-link\">Continue reading <span class=\"screen-reader-text\">Book Festival<\/span> <span class=\"meta-nav\">&rarr;<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":6,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[125,150,241],"tags":[210,105,128,248,38,176,99,96,102],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/sallemander.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1046"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/sallemander.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/sallemander.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/sallemander.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/6"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/sallemander.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1046"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"http:\/\/sallemander.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1046\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1054,"href":"http:\/\/sallemander.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1046\/revisions\/1054"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/sallemander.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1046"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/sallemander.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1046"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/sallemander.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1046"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}