Category Archives: Political

Church Bans Clown Book!

 

***Oh thank God!  We’ve been praying for this for a long time.  The banning of our book finally came through.  Not to be TOO cynical about it, but nothing helps spread good ideas, good art and important issues like telling God’s children they can’t have it.   What a wonderful prize!  This announcement is better than any prestigious book award (and far less expensive).  None of our competitors has a church ban…ooooh, we are gonna be so rich!  …but our ‘thoughts and prayers’ are with them.  Meanwhile, ‘Bludgeon the Clown’ makes a terrific CHRISTMAS gift.   -Marsha

Loser!

I won!  I am the richest man on Earth.  I have more money than God!  I’m not just the richest, though…I’m the winner!  I am the inevitable culmination of centuries of unregulated capitalism.  I own everything;  All the money, all the gold, all the oil, the water, infrastructure, stocks, bonds, real estate – EVERYTHING!

The entire population of Earth, all 7 million, are my employees and tenants.  Wait…did I say 7 million?  No, there’s only 5.8 million as of this week…heck, I remember when there were 7 billion…but never mind that, they’re just little people.  Losers!  I won and they lost.

Too bad for them.  Is it my fault they were born poor and unlucky, that they made bad life decisions, were unable to afford the finest education money could buy and had no inherited wealth with which to game the system?  If God didn’t favor me he would not have made me so rich.  That’s what makes me so much better than you.

The only question now is…What to do with it all?  My only goal was to win…now what?  I own ten thousand fishing yachts but the oceans are dead.  I used to like the beach but they’re polluted now and storms have destroyed all the coastal cities.  I used to hunt but there’s no wildlife, no more forests, either.  Everything is desert and all the clouds are gone and I burn so easily…

But never mind all that…..I’m the winner!  It must have been worth it, because I WON!!!  I’m richer than you.  I’m better than you and I won!  So piss off!!…..and bring me a fresh canister of air! (gasp)  I’m friggin’ suffocating over here…LOSER!!!

***It’s election day in NJ and this seemed like the perfect one to repost.  Besides, the image, ‘Corporatism,’ has just been published in my new book “Bludgeon the Clown” (which you can buy if you follow the links to www.sallemander.com).  Good luck picking the ‘lesser-of-two-evils’ again, I mean, it’s worked out perfectly so far…..  -Marsha

Trump Hates It!!!!! Hooray!

***A friend of mine found this on Facebook and sent it over.  I remember mailing a bunch of advance copies of “Bludgeon” to a customer in Washington DC last month.  I had no idea it would reach the desk of the president.  John and I are thrilled: “boom-boom” in the president’s pajamas is exactly what we were going for with this book.  Meanwhile, John is trying to track down the photographer so we can confirm the news report.  -Marsha

Jack the Clown

I once met a clown named Jack                                                                           who shoved a grenade up his crack.                                                                  They recovered his penis                                                                                         halfway to Venus                                                                                                            and both of his balls in Iraq.

***Today we celebrate our ‘100th post’…and every100 posts we publish the most offensive dick-n-balls, exploding clown limerick we can find.  This one comes to us from Venus the Clown (a major contributor to our new book “Bludgeon the Clown”).  John (the artist) claims Venus lifted it from his notes and reworked it to put his name in it.  He says he heard it a decade ago from an old friend, Robert Kopecky, when they worked on ‘Codename: Kids Next Door’ together.  I think John just hates my good friend Venus and likes to ruin my ‘100th post’ celebration…  -Marsha

*P.S.  The only problem with Venus’ limerick (besides being disgusting) is that you have to mispronounce Iraq, like an American (eye-rack), for the rhyme to work properly. 

GIMME!

***The editors at EEW Books got hold of a leaked CIA study, thoroughly analyzing the history of the Middle East since before WW1.  It was thinner than you’d expect (thick as a porter house steak), printed on bright yellow (saffron) paper in a succulent Helvetica Bold font, and absolutely stuffed (like tur-duck-en) full of big, juicy, important words…but it’s conclusion rendered down to one simple, tasty theme… which John has illustrated into a single cartoon image.  Bon appetit!  I’m off to lunch…I’m famished.  -Marsha