Bio of Marsha Mellow by Marsha Mellow
I
knew I wanted to be a famous writer from the time I was a little
girl (my high school cheerleading career was never going to pan
out). Originally I thought I'd write books but growing up in a
conservative, gated community in Texas left me with NO creative
ideas, so I chose corporate journalism. My daddy (I think he was
an Exxon climatologist) made sure I got the finest education money
could buy, although he seemed disappointed when I finished with
a degree instead of a husband.
My
meteoric rise in journalism began as an unpaid intern at my hometown
weekly, The Village Gossip, writing garden party reviews (very
high brow stuff). From there I went to The Star Tribune where
I won the 'perkiest obituary award' 6 years running. But I really
hit it big at Newscorp, typing bottom-scroll news alerts on live
cable T.V. I was a perfect fit at FOX...but that ended abruptly
when my boss's wife objected to our afternoon "production
meetings" at the Parkway Motel. Oh well, who cares about
a silly bunch of torture, illegal wars and drone terrorism anyway?
I spent the next seven years as a copy writer for the pharmaceutical
industry, doing side-effects disclaimers for all the new drugs.
My favorite was "...may cause anal discharge from the naval."
Ooooh, but those were good times...doing god's work...with endless
free samples...
When
a bizarre set of stories about Clowns piqued my curiosity, I saw
a golden opportunity to do some REAL, Fox level, journalism and
exploit the hell out of them. Clowns were an already marginalized
population of simpletons...easy money. Of course, having to associating
with 'those' freakish people was a little out of my comfort zone...and
I ran into technical problems which forced me to partner with
an 'artist' (the only creatures I loathe more than Clowns, Ugh!)
but this was an important story and I expected it to bring me
the fame and fortune I deserved. Ultimately, Clown stories don't
measure up to celebrity sex scandals and outed congressmen in
the mainstream news, so my work never went to press. A BOOK of
Clowns, however, seemed a perfect consolation....and put me right
back on track to fulfill my earliest childhood dreams.
Bio of John Allemand by Marsha Mellow
A lot
of people like John’s art…but he’s really not
the sort that ‘respectable’ people should get to know.
He’s been known to associate with circus people (Clowns!),
has arguments with random body parts (spleens!) and has an ugly
prejudice against sentient technology (robots!). He’s certainly
not the type you’d “want to have a beer with”
like George W. Bush.
In
utero, John had a conjoined twin brother attached at the buttocks
but by the time he was born, his twin had been completely absorbed..…except
for its tiny, powerful brain. Being the dullard of the two, John
naturally deferred all of his higher thinking to his (lower) smarter
brain. I often say that most of his best ideas come straight out
of his ass.
He
was born in East Orange NJ, the youngest of 16 and despite a typical
American public school education, he came away with a deep appreciation
for diverse cultures and ideas - a freakish critical thinker…very
disappointing. A few years later, however, he learned to suppress
his personal integrity and craftsmanship as it made him a pariah
among his peers and a liability to his clients. Lowering himself
into the sleaze of corporate advertizing, he convinced himself it
was all worth it ‘for the sake of the kids’ (which it
wasn’t).
John
had a spectacular 30 year career in film & animation doing amazing
work on some of the worst T.V. shows and dangerous commercials ever
made. He was a master of selling useless crap to gullible people.
When the corporate art industry collapsed under austerity, he retired
to follow his passions.
In
Costa Rica he became a Free-Range Guacamole Rancher but something
in the water caused a partial rebirth of his twin brother through
his scrotum. In Kalamazoo his 'Shits and Giggles' Gourmet Taco Truck
was a raging success until he sold it to a fellow with one leg named
Willy when local Taco Mobsters made threats on his yet unnamed legs.
In Weehawken, he became a live organ collector for Morty’s
Door-to-Door Coffin Emporium...but was fired for sampling the merchandise.
He caught the itch for art again in Flushing, as a happy-face painter
at Herbies Corpus’ Human Taxidermy. He left to become a urinal
cake decorator for Jakes Kakes in Coxsackie, New York (still giggles
when he hears "Coxsackie").
When
I finally tracked him down (milking bulls at the County Fair in
Sheboygan) I offered him a job (and a hot shower) on the spot. Despite
my personal dislike for his kind, real artists are hard to find
now-a-days and he was my best and only hope for illustrating my
extraordinary projects. It took some maneuvering but once I got
him to sign my (clever) contract we set off, that very night, across
America for a one month research road-trip…..and didn’t
return for 10 years. What we discovered and documented in our search
for Clowns, Freaks and Oddies is quite amazing.....but to learn
more, you’ll have to buy my books.
These
days, John spends his time illustrating for me, desperately searching
for a way out of our contract (ha ha ha!). He often dreams of becoming
a spotted pink rhinoceros while his sharper twin brother plots to
take over the world.